Tres fell out of the shopping cart.
It was not a laughing matter.
The obnoxious, thankfully uninjured!, child was driving us crazy because she wants the freedom to roam the store aisles like her sisters.
The fact they have a few years and distinct mobility on her is beside the point. She wants to run, touch things, climb inside washing machines, and generally ask perfect strangers if they’d like a baby to take home and love.
If we don’t bow to her demands she starts whining like a table saw. It’s extremely effective – I’ll do almost anything to make her STOP. MAKING. THAT. INFERNAL. NOISE!!!
(In other, associated news, the innards of our washing machine have spent the day spread out across the kitchen floor because it’s been wetting itself. Not even our washing machine is potty-trained! Even though Lizard found the problem he couldn’t fix it so we ended the day with a decision to buy a new washing machine. Sigh – it was either a non-leaking machine or new flooring…)
Back to the story, picture it… the five of us descend upon Target’s Dollar aisle and set up camp. Everyone is happy with their special treat selections (because, yes, we bribe our kids with $1 treats if they do things like finish their entire dinner. We’re shallow and teaching them to be superficial with pleasure).
We leave the dollar aisle and Tres is squawking like no one’s business. I turn and see she’s not only crowing like a rooster, she’s standing in the cart, a DEFINITE NO-NO.
She looks at me smugly, smiles, grabs the edge of the cart and…
executes a perfect aerial somersault…
… landing on her back on the Target floor while passing shoppers gasp in horror and her mother loses bladder control.
In the background, over the pounding of blood in my ears, I heard some dude say, “Eh, it’s a baby, they’re made of rubber.”
After checking all her digits and making sure her brains are intact I realized I wasn’t the only one who lost control of bodily functions during the episode – Tres pooped her pants.
To tell you the truth, after I’d had a chance to breathe through the situation and dodge the Child Protective Service agents the knowledge she was literally “scared sh**less” made me smile.
Then, wondering if her life flashed before her eyes made me chuckle – my goodness gracious, since she’s only 14 months, I wonder what she saw when the flashing took place?!
(I hope it didn’t involve the time she fell off of the sofa at six weeks old. Oh my, we are negligent parents.)
Joking and teasing aside, I’m so grateful she’s ok. She’s had a rough day, because she also picked up a watermelon bug for closer inspection at lunchtime.
The bug freaked out, gripping her finger and hissing like crazy!
She screamed, I screamed and the watermelon bug ended up in the toilet taking a one-way journey to the city sewer.
That’ll show it!
It’s been a full day for Tres and the rest of us. I guess Target is no longer safe for shopping for our family, which is a bummer, because I just signed up for their coupon mailing list.
May your day be full of promise, lacking beetles, and less exciting than a one-year-old performing acrobatics in a big-box store.
Has your child commit a death-defying act in public?