I’d like to take you down the crazy rabbit hole of my brain this morning.
The last week or so has been exceedingly difficult for me because it’s the first August in many, many years I haven’t been surrounded by college students being trained for their positions in Student Development.
The jobs I have held at colleges have been far more than a paycheck. I’ve bucked tradition and my desire to stay home after having children because I knew, knew that I was doing the work God called me to do.
(I have to believe I wasn’t delusional about my impact because two of the last three years I was selected Staff Member of the Year. I appreciated that honor but was always a little surprised because the honor wasn’t something I worked to receive… I just did what I thought was right to the best of my ability.)
It’s always been that way for me – working with college students has been a calling, not a paycheck, not a place to be because I couldn’t find a real job, not an easy out because parenting is hard… I’ve felt a certainty in my soul I was doing what God asked me to do.
And this year August training happened without me.
One thousand miles away the staff I selected trained for a job I shaped and went on with their lives without me while I sat in a little mountain top town in a mouse-hole of a home with my family, two puddles and a Great Dane.
Professionally, this has reinforced my longtime knowledge that no institution is made up of one person and no one is irreplaceable. Because that staff is going to be awesome, they’re going to do great without me and if it hasn’t already happened, they’ll forget about me because the staff they have now is incredible!
But on a personal note I’ve had to do some serious soul searching.
I know we are where God calls us to be in the timing He has decided. I’ve felt no conflict about being here, doing this job in our mountaintop town in our mouse-hole of a home with my family, two puddles and a Great Dane.
But what do you do when you’re not Doing what God called you to Do?
The last few days I’ve realized I need to change my perspective. I don’t always need to do the things God has called me to do in the past if I can be the person God has called me to be right now and in the future.
Does that distinction make sense? I fear I’m not writing it well because it has been so immense in my brain it’s hard to wrap my hands around it.
This life we live throws a lot of curve balls. Right now our financial system is askew, people are scared, marriages are in disarray, and culturally we are looking bankruptcy in the whites of the eyes.
We have to adapt if we’re going to survive and holding on to yesterday’s glory is a surefire way to damnation.
I know I need to release the work I’ve done in the past and embrace the work I’m doing right now. Who knows what the future will bring – but I’m totally accountable for my today. And the person I am Today must be the person God’s called me to Be.
I can let Him take care of the rest of life, the doors opening and closing (whether those be gentle or firm!).
“Be Still and Know that I Am God.” Psalm 46:10
“The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still.” Exodus 14:14
I don’t usually do crazy things like quote Scripture from the Bible on this blog. I’m much more prone to tell stories of my children’s poop or other such uplifting topics. But every once in awhile I think it’s ok to be authentic with struggles and let you know what’s touching my life.
So thanks for joining me down the rabbit hole today. Tomorrow may bring poop and humor back into the Force. You’ll just have to check back and see.
Do you ever struggle with these topics? What conclusions do you have?