I love it when people find StealingFaith.com by typing random phrases into Google! Here are some of my favorite search terms from the past month:
1. “maine coon kittens oklahoma.” Let’s just be honest here, the state of Maine doesn’t get much press. I noticed this and decided it was high time to send some lovin’ on over to Maine and then discovered the Maine Coon Cat is as large as a dump truck and scares the feline-hating bejeezus out of me. I like Maine just fine, it’s the Coon Cat I think is dodgy.
2. “life not as i thought it would be.” Yes! I’m going to blame Paris Hilton for this statement. And the Real Housewives of Fill-In-The-Blank. In my own life, I’ve learned a few coping mechanisms when it comes to dealing with disillusionment.
3. “online predator clenched tooth fairy.” Huh? I had to Google this phrase myself to see what on earth this random psycho was thinking. There were 132,000 webpages matching this description, 16 pages into it I still hadn’t found any connection to this blog. So I have no answers, but I can direct you to the time I met the Tooth Fairy, one-on-one. It was nice.
4. “how to stop my children from getting taken by eagles in oregon trail.” I’ve had to give up the Oregon Trail. It was too overwhelming for me and after I made the mistake of naming my pioneer children the same names as my real children I had massive feelings of guilt for not searching for the doctor as soon as the pioneer kids got a hangnail. It was awful. But you might enjoy reading about it.
5. “why no ‘poo is bad.” I’m going to assume this search term refers to the practice of going without shampoo, rather than an actual constipation problem. Because constipation is definitely bad… but no shampoo is not so awful.
6. Tomato Worms. It seems I’m a real resource when it comes to tomato worm searches – here are all the terms in the past 30 days that came here: “can you touch a tomato worm; tomato worms; rotting tomato worm; do earthworms stink?; tomato hornworm parent; worms on tomato during day; tomato hornworm d; where do tomato hornworms live; picking off tomato horned worms.” I’ve always wanted to be an expert on something. I guess worms will have to do.
7. “aquanet faiosed 5.0.” I’ve only written about Aquanet once, but the scent of it is burned in my memory forever. Or maybe I mean stench. I just can’t handle Aquanet.
8. “next time ilost my mind.” Given the grammatical usage in this term, I’m not sure they haven’t lost their mind already. Of course, I’m not one to talk. I lose my mind quite regularly. But there’s this one time in particular and it involved scabies.
9. “minivan minivan you’re so fly.” These words will NEVER come out of my mouth on purpose. For Uno, however, she would chant this nonstop. She LOVES the minivan. We drive a Suburban. Her angst is just beginning.
10. “hamster staggering, i flung my hamster across the room.” If I were an indelicate individual, I would say a profane word about my hamster, God rest his soul. He was a cannibal.
12. “how to take great dane on road trip.” My recommendation is: Don’t. Rent the horse of a dog it’s own Greyhound and meet it at the station. I’m still recovering from the last time we road-tripped with our Dane and she’s… well, she’s great!
Keep those search items coming – it’s just fun!