NO, I’m not going to tell you my most embarrassing moment. So those who have texted, sent emails, facebook… NO.
Just consider – I’m comfortable enough telling you I admitted to breaking the bed with my husband and past crush at a church Christmas play and yet the current most embarrassing moment is so bad I’m not comfortable. I’m not ready to relive it. ‘Nuff said.
But, I’d like to mention I’m recovering from a muscle spasm in my neck.
Last Tuesday a man who used to be a good family friend (I’ll admit it, I like him most because he had the sense to marry an amazing woman I’m honored to call “friend”) listened to me discuss my dislike of moving air touching me (like a fan), leaned behind me and blew on my neck.
(Who actually likes the feeling of blowing air tickling across the dainty little hairs of your neck?! No one I know!)
I moved so quickly away from his tricky little breath-blowing I created a muscle spasm of shooting pain. I squealed. And he laughed about it. So I broke off our friendship because I’m conditional in relationships like that.
Then, tonight he mocked me because I can’t stand having uncurtained windows at night. The idea someone can see inside my house and I cannot see them creeps me out to the nth degree all Rear Window-style.
Like that’s unusual or something. Every paranoid person I know is totally on board with battening the hatches at dusk every day.
I began to feel picked upon.
He tried make me feel better by telling the story of a man who was catatonic except for shrill screams at irregular intervals. Turns out he was deathly afraid of bugs and an earwig crawled into his ear. He was so petrified he couldn’t move or speak except for the screams. As soon as the removed the earwig he went straight back to normal.
I didn’t feel much better.
So he told me the story of his cousin who carries around a piece of soft netting fabric. You know, the kind that makes a whizzy noise when you rub it together? His cousin is an adult who is very capable and seemingly normal… apparently she’s hidden pieces of this fabric all over her house. If you watch t.v. with her she will usually have her hand tucked inside the sofa cushion where there’s a piece of fabric tucked away for her to rub stealthily. I know she carries scraps in her pockets and after hearing the story tonight I wouldn’t be surprised if there was one tucked in the tank of her toilet and under the dashmat in her car.
I felt better. I even chuckled a bit at the vision.
Then I thought about the note I read this week from dearblankpleaseblank.com that startled me with a surprised snort of laughter: “Dear Noah, Could have sworn the ark wasn’t leaving until 5. Love, The Unicorns.”
Who really believes the Unicorns perished in the flood? I didn’t… until now.
All of these thoughts combined to reassure me we all have a wee bit of strangeness tucked away inside our brains. But if we can get comfortable enough in our own skin to relax and own our quirky behavior, we typically receive appreciation or at least the comfort of giving other people a chance to smile as they are laughing at us.
And since everyone was too busy today harassing me for the story of my most embarrassing moment to actually respond to my plea for ideas and questions to answer as a post for StealingFaith tonight, well, this is the post you get. Enjoy.
And send me some topic suggestions/deep burning questions. Please.
In addition to satisfying whatever strange compulsions you have, send me some ideas for posts and go ahead and share this website with your friends. It’ll be fun. Everyone needs someone to laugh at.