Lizard thinks I may have startled you going from Ha Ha, Love! to Embarrassing Story! to Soliciting Ideas! to GUILT! so quickly.

Kind of like getting hit over the head by a frozen fish. Which can really take you off your feet and make you smell if the people on Deadliest Catch can be believed.

Sorry if you feel sideswiped and smelly. I do that sometimes… thanks for coming back by. I won’t talk about anything life changing today. Instead, I’ll talk about why you might not want a toy poodle as a pet.

We haven’t done the research to prove it her neurosis, but I’m pretty sure our puddle Penny was separated from her mother too soon.

(Remember, though I am often chagrined to see the number of typos in a post even after checking twice and using the WordPress grammar/spell/typo check feature, you didn’t just see a typo. Around here “poodles” are called “puddles”. Our Serbian friend started it and we continue the mispronunciation in his honor.)

Every time we sit down on the sofa, this dog sidles up to us and melts into our lap. She’s been known to hop into the bathtub while we’re showering and if we don’t watch her closely she sneaks into bed with Dos.

She MUST have abandonment issues!

Most of the time we’re not bothered by her desperate desire to be near us, after all, puddles were bred to be lap dogs so they like to be near people. She won’t let us groom her, so she rarely looks like a puddle, but if you watch her walk there’ not a doubt which breed she is, she uses the Poodle Saunter to her advantage regularly.

But we are bothered by her lack of righteous shame. Each night she spends significant amounts of time with her entire head inside the Great Dane’s jowls, licking her teeth.

What self-respecting animal would do such a thing? I’m in love with my husband but I don’t consider licking his tooth enamel a good use of quality time!

We are also concerned with what she does once she’s snuggled in our laps.

First, she melts. Like butter going on to a bed of brown sugar, she starts as her own entity, then crawls onto a lap and suddenly we have a fur-covered slop we can’t get a grip on to move.

But she doesn’t taste as good and butter-soaked brown sugar, either! Not that I’ve tasted her to know. It’s just a suspicion I have.

Second, she passes gas. She’s a tiny animal, about 10 lbs., and yet her bowel scents are strong enough to fell a lumberjack. A room of lumberjacks. Her stink could outdo a roomful of lumberjacks who had beans for dinner. She singed my nostril hair last night and I didn’t like it much at all.

Finally, her posture is questionable. Dogs, normal dogs, they sleep with their paws tucked underneath them. Not her. She’s ridiculous! You have a dog who melts into your lap who is on her back with her feet stuck straight up in the air. And she snores.

My only explanation for this behavior is premature separation from her canine pack too early. She thinks she’s a person, not a poodle.


Think of your favorite pet. Did you fall in love with them because of their “typical” traits or “atypical” traits?

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