Life, indeed.

I woke up on my own this morning.

Rested, quietly, happily Woke. Up. On. My. Own.

Popi and Mima took the girls fishing at dawn because they are truly masochistic, and I got to sleep in…

Go to the bathroom…

Drink a cup of coffee…

Do a devotional…

WITHOUT. INTERRUPTION.

No one wanted marshmallow cereal. No one asked what we were doing today. No one demanded I intervene and put a timer on how long each was playing with the new Rapunzel baby doll.

Quiet.

As much as I love the life and vitality the girls have, this was a morning I truly appreciated.

I crave solitude and silence. It makes me thoughtful – so watch out, this post is not full of giggles, but it is important to me.

Silence gives me a chance to confront the little thoughts and feelings that niggle in the back of my head all the time:

“Are we going to have a major medical problem and be sitting here with no insurance?”
“Will this business we’re working so hard to resurrect go belly-up despite our best efforts?”
“Are we doing the right thing homeschooling our girls?”
“Am I investing enough in my marriage to keep it healthy and fun?”
“Should we have another baby? We’ve always said two, four or more…”
“Am I meeting my full potential if I’m not working in a college environment?”
“Will we ever be debt free?”
“Is our political and economic system collapsing? Will we need a wheelbarrow-full of money to buy a loaf of bread like they did in Russia in the 1980s?”
“Are we prepared for anything that happens?”
“What if one of the girls dies? What if Lizard dies? How will I go on?”

As you can see, the thoughts that go ’round and ’round in the back of my head aren’t usually chirpy. They’re a background litany of fear. I hate that!

I have to consciously choose hope several times a day. (I may be the only one who struggles with worry, but I don’t think so.)

So, in my silence today I read this quote:

‎”Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.”  Francis Chan

Ouch. I don’t like that. In fact, that Francis Chan dude is downright rude.

Then I came across this (it’s in the Amplified version, which is my favorite because it gives you several different translation nuances. Lizard calls it the “woman’s Bible” because it uses many, many more words.):

“As for the rich in this world, charge them not to be proud and arrogant and contemptuous of others,

nor to set their hopes on uncertain riches, but on God, Who richly and ceaselessly provides us with everything for [our] enjoyment. 

[Charge them] to do good, to be rich in good works, to be liberal and generous of heart, ready to share [with others],

In this way laying up for themselves [the riches that endure forever as] a good foundation for the future, so that they may grasp that which is life indeed.” (1 Timothy 6:17-19.)

I want life indeed. I don’t want the shallow stuff, reality television, the opiate of the masses. I want the thrill, the fulfillment, the best life offers and ultimately, I want to know my Creator.

I. Want. Life. Indeed.

Not a life of worry. Of what if. Of wish I’s. Of Yes, but.

Life. Indeed. That’s what I want.

So… here’s what I learned during my time of silence:

I need to stop worrying about money. It’s not the big enchilada.

Yes, really. Stop worrying about money.

Stop it.

And while I’m at it, stop worrying.  Just quit.

I need to spend my time looking at the people around me and try to figure how I can help them.

Because this life, it’s not about me. It’s not about you. We are not the center of the universe.

Of course, the ruffians feel differently. They think their needs are most important, of highest priority, and immediate.

Which is why they’re children.

I’m an adult. There’s a difference. (I pray.)

That’s All.


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4 thoughts on “Life, indeed.

  • September 8, 2011 at 12:31 pm
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    Hudson Taylor said; “You need not have a great faith, you need have faith in a great God”.

    I find myself worrying more and more these days. With Joy getting married this weekend and moving to the east coast and Nate and Jen going back to Cleveland, I worry for their lives and safety. The economy has blasted my business and the question of having my next surgery and changing careers is always waiting in the back of my mind. However, at this point in time, I am unable to change any of this and that means my worry is useless and totally unproductive.
    Faith requires me to give it up to God and trust. Then faith requires me to take whatever actions are necessary to move forward into His direction.
    Always a tough call..
    Good luck and enjoy those little ones..
    Don

    Reply
  • September 9, 2011 at 6:07 am
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    During times like yours my husband and I will remind each other of a “back to basics” mentality.

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

    Reply
  • September 11, 2011 at 11:55 am
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    Once again, this proves how much I miss you! I would love to delve into each of these topics next to you on the couch or at Judes. Maybe soon?!?!

    Give the girls a hug for me and Lizard a high five! :o)

    Reply
  • September 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm
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    I hate worrying, too. But I’m good at it. I’ve had good teachers. I am especially good at imaginary worrying. I worry about things that could never happen ever, like how my life would be different if I had lived in Hawaii in 1839 or who I would be if my mother had never been born. I’m so good at worrying, but it wears me out, and I gain nothing from the experience. Our parents always tell us not to quit, but I’ve finally realized that worrying is right up there with drugs and smoking (the withdrawal is just as difficult, too). In fact, I’ve found that I prefer trusting God to worrying. I’m still practicing, but it’s getting easier, and so is life.

    Reply

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