Here it is, one more time, the search terms that brought people to StealingFaith.com and the posts I suspect they connected with (which is sometimes and exercise in futility because, seriously, people type random things into Google):
1. Maine Coon Cattery of Loveliness. This was a big month for Maine coon cats and the search terms. I got no less than seven variations of coon cat questions, including, “will my main coon cat eat my hamter.” Spelling errors aside, I’m going to say, yes, the hamster is a goner if you get a Maine coon cat because a hamster to a feline that size would have as much chance as a miniature crumb doughnut within my own arms reach. Which is none. But check out the Swing Vote: Maine series to learn more about coon cats, toothpicks and hurdy-gurdys. You won’t be sorry.
2. Potty Dance Crossed Legs. Oh, this must be what happens to me every single morning when my kids try to waylay me on the short journey from my bed to the bathroom. There are some sanctified things in life and getting to use the restroom first thing in the morning is one of them.
3. Arkansas Vortex. The search for the Arkansas Vortex keeps popping up every month. Which means I’m not the only one who experienced something strange in Little Rock and it didn’t involve the Duggar family of mass mankind.
4. Really Tired Looking Runner, Never Give Up. I wrote this post sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor with a 24 ft. moving van in the driveway. This poster and its message have been incredibly inspiring to me over the years and I really needed to remember it right now. So, to the random searcher, thank you for your search and the ray of hope it provided to me this morning.
5. Girl Put In Diaper For Road Trip. I’m pretty sure this linked up to the post of Uno and the Poopy Feast, which will likely be a favorite post by readers forever. And I’m going to guess she’ll love hearing the story when we tell it with proper enthusiasm to every boy she ever tries to date. I can’t wait! But I will also mention my husband and brother-in-law went hiking with the girls last weekend and Dos needed to have a personal experience with her excrement. She was scared to squat in the open so the men in my family came up with the brilliant idea of putting our four-year-old in a diaper and telling her to go for it. She did, but it took a lot of effort. Afterward she whispered to Lizard, “That was really embarrassing.” Just wait ’til she needs Depends or sneezes when she’s 8 months pregnant.
6. Lust vs Love and Marry. How do you know when you’re experiencing Love? How do you know it’s not Lust? I have the answer. And it’s a good one, not gonna lie.
7.Why Are My Hands Clammy On First Dates. Because you’re a freak and you’ll never find true love, much less a life partner. Serenity Now! No, I was lying. You’ll find love. I’ll give you some hints about those clammy hands here.
8.Do Not Steal Crafts. Please. Do not steal crafts. Don’t make them either. Because if you get a piece of plastic canvas and some yarn there’s a decent chance you’ll end up with something even worse: a finished product. So stop, before it’s too late. Crafts and STD’s go hand-in-hand. I’m telling you for your own good. Stop.
9. French Kiss In High School. I did that. Once. It was not everything I had hoped it would be and I renamed the French kiss a snarfblat. Much more descriptive, don’t you think. I tell some stories about my embarrassing dating past here. Good little reminder of why I’m so happy I married my Lizard.
10. The Perfect First Date. I come from a long line of people who have met and married their special someone within six months. My grandparents-in-law, both sets of our parents, my sister and brother-in-law and us… we all met and married in six months or less and are still happily married. So, it’s possible. And all of us have fun first date stories. Enjoy this one.
“How to Clean Nacho Cheese of the Car Seat” almost made it into this list but I realized I’ve never written about nacho cheese and my car seats are absolutely nothing to brag about. So I nixed it.
Have an excellent day! If you’ve been enjoying StealingFaith.com and want to share it with your friends, this post is a good one to have them start because they get all these links of delicious funny snippets, all in one place. And you do want to share, don’t you?? Prepare yourself for a Swing Vote this week (make suggestions for the location if you’d like!) and keep yourself out of trouble. It’s lurking everywhere, like that mayhem freak on t.v.