A 10-Spot Ramble!

There are some days when my brain works with fantastic precision, my thoughts are lightening-swift and the words spill like molten gold from my fingertips to the keyboard.

 

This is not one of those days.

 

In fact, today my mental state looks more like a modern-art paint splatter portrait.

 

Which makes it a perfect day for a 10-Spot Ramble! Please, join me in the decadent pleasure of 10 random facts and my spontaneous thoughts on these items…

 

1. My husband just screamed like a little girl because the biscuit tube exploded when he touched it. I know I wouldn’t normally share this as a random fact but it happened as I was typing and I snorted in hilarious surprise to hear his voice at that high pitch. But, speaking of biscuits, did you hear that story about the person who was convinced they’d been shot in the head and their brains were falling out? Turns out their biscuit tube exploded and nailed ’em in the back of the noggin. Makes me giggle every time I think of it.

 

2. Women end up digesting most of the lipstick they apply. The oils and fats used in lipstick include olive oil, mineral oil, castor oil, cocoa butter, lanolin, and petrolatum. Yep. With this newfound knowledge I can accurately assume my lard baby is the product of wearing lipstick. Alert the presses: lipstick = obesity!

 

3. In some parts of England, rum is used to wash a baby’s head for good luck. Apparently run’s a handy item. Not only for good luck and teething numbing, I’m certain at least 3.078% of the world’s baby conceptions can be attributed to rum as well. Cheers!

 

4. In Idaho, You may not fish on a camel’s back. This fact has put Idaho on the Swing Vote list. Because if you can’t fish on a camel’s back in Idaho, that’s a crazy state with lots to share. Have I ever mentioned I have ridden on a camel’s back? (But not fished.) Yep. I rode a camel out into the Sahara Desert, camped in a Bedouin tent, and lived to tell the story. My thighs were scraped raw but the men in our group feared they would never be able to procreate after the experience. Yep, that’s what memories are made of.

 

5. There are more female than male millionaires in the United States. I like this fact. I would like it more if I were one of the millionaires, but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.

 

6. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. Like the husbands in the world needed another selling point… that’s it. As soon as your nose starts running and your eyes are swollen shut and drippy, snuggle up to your true love and whisper, “Hubba, hubba?? {sniff, sniff, snort}”

 

7. In many countries, urine was used as a detergent for washing. In a strange way this makes me feel much better about the horrifying moment when I was teaching the 2-year-old Sunday School class, took a little girl to the bathroom, and helped her wipe. As I was pulling her underwear up I discovered she’d actually collected a little pool of urine in the fold or her panties and it flicked up and into my eye. It was devastating. It’s amazing I didn’t trample the girl as I boomeranged around the bathroom, stumbling over the tiny toilet, hand to my head, yelling, “My eye! My eye! Oh, good gracious, I’m going to throw up!” When I recovered the little girl looked at me, smiled, and said, “I miss you. I love you, too!” Proof toddlers are Satan’s spawn.

 

8. More than half the population of Kenya is under the age of 15. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess there are a lot of boys choirs, much cliff jumping, and youngsters who are the ugliest they will ever be in their lives. It’s also a terribly sad fact that makes me want to adopt sixteen children from Kenya. Immediately.

 

9. The best recorded distance for projectile vomiting is 27-feet. Our dear little Dos was a colicky child. She vomited like crazy. The first six months of her life felt like a never-ending hazing process. But I never measured how far she could shoot the spit up. I do have a friend whose child had projectile poop that hit the wall across the room. Yes. I laughed when I heard that, too.

 

10. There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than in Country Time Lemonade. Yum.

 

Have a dandy day, y’all. Looking forward to seeing you here tomorrow – and I would be thrilled if you shared your own random facts in the comments!