Now Accepting

Kup Kup Land /

To Whom It May Concern:


We are now accepting applications for you to try your hand at discovering romance. If you read statistics or realize the country is but a few years away from single people outnumbering married people, you know love is not flourishing here in the U.S. of A.


To encourage singles in their quest for a mate, we are happy to provide a dating service. Successful applicants must:


  • Be physically attractive. (Because who wants to love anyone with physical flaws?)
  • Be comfortable having their private thoughts broadcast on national television. (Wearing a microphone at all times allows the successful candidate to be genuine at all times.)
  • Share intimate moments with a person who is cheating on them every day. (This is an important lesson in tolerance. If you can’t tolerate infidelity in your dating relationship, how can you tolerate it in your marriage?)
  • Compete with others for a relationship with a person who is admittedly falling in love with multiple people concurrently. (Professions of love are cheap and temporary.)


Are you interested in finding true love with an entire country watching? Apply now:


The Bachelor/Bachelorette

“Hiring those with low standards every season”

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3 thoughts on “Now Accepting

  • January 30, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    David can’t even watch it. He becomes enraged with the behavior of the bachelors…he says it is demeaning to women. I just smile, knowing that I got one of the good ones, who would never treat a woman like that.

  • January 31, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Ha ha ha! So true! I think this is a more accurate job description than the ones the network publicizes.

  • January 31, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    I can’t even watch it because I get so enraged at the behavior of the girls. Self-respect anyone? Also, we talked about this in Bible Study tonight. How Esther being picked to be queen was like an episode of the Bachelor. Who said the Bible wasn’t culturally relevant?


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