Non-Fancy Feline

Researcher Jaroslav Flegr / Michal Novotny

Many of you know how creeped out I am by the Maine Coon Cat, but you may not realize my distaste extends to pretty much everything of the feline persuasion.


I think my dislike of cats can be blamed on two reasons:


1. There was a Siamese cat we grew up with. It was evil. Don’t even remember that cat’s name… but I know it had a perverse streak. It was an outside cat and it would walk with me to and from the goat pen. Every few steps it would swing through my legs, purring, then lay down on the path in front of me, begging me for petting. BUT… when I reached down to pet that stinkin’ cat, it would attack my hands and claw me with its big, scratchy claws. I hated that cat.

2. I’m allergic to cats. A lot. The allergy has gotten worse as I’ve aged, but I think I’m a late allergic bloomer anyway – it wasn’t until college I developed allergies to melons, latex and avocados. Once a few years ago, I ate an entire cantaloupe as fast as fast can be in the hope if I consumed it with speed the allergens wouldn’t have a chance to mess up my throat. My plan didn’t work. I ended up scraping my throat with my fingernails while my husband searched the medicine cabinet for Benadryl. That has nothing to do with cats, but I’m more allergic to cats than I am to melon, so there you have it.


So, why am I telling you about cats tonight?


Not only should all of us be careful about becoming the crazy cat person living in seclusion at the end of the street because, my, oh my, that’s a smelly cat person, I finally have proof they’re awful animals!


This news is going to be painful for my friends who, say, take their cats on walks with leashes or dress them up like Santa and Mrs. Claus at Christmas, but it’s a story that needs to be told, nonetheless.


Tonight I read an article, How Your Cat Is Making You Crazy. I will not lie, it is a long, long article. But the information in it is quite likely the most fascinating stuff I’ve read in my life (or at least in the past three years)!


And the upshot? Cat’s carry a parasite (the same little booger that is dangerous to pregnant women and has gotten many a little lass in the family way out of cleaning the cat box for months on end)… that parasite has been legitimately correlated with strange, self-destructive behavior in humans.


Your cat is the carrier for a parasite that may change your brain ability and personality tendencies in negative ways!


I knew it! Cats are bad, bad, bad!!!


Just do me a favor and read the article. Stick with it to the end, even though your eyes may glaze over and spittle may form on your lips, there are some amazing connections with schizophrenia, the flu virus and the AIDS virus and how these viruses appear to change human behavior in order to propagate themselves.


And, whatever you do… don’t get a cat. Just don’t. I won’t ever be able to visit your house and you may go crazy. So there.


Are you a dog or a cat person? (Or maybe not an animal person at all?!) Why or why not?

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