Easter with the Sound Guy

After a weekend filled with many words, many of which are unprintable, it was a wonderful treat to redeem today with a fun girl’s breakfast at Cracker Barrel and an excellent church service.

You might wonder why it was just a girl’s breakfast? Because my dear husband was at the church doing whatever it is Sound Guys do.

His job description has proved elusive to me over the years. I know he sits at the back of the auditorium in a hot room filled with buzzing motorized noises and pieces of equipment with lots and lots of knobs and buttons. I know those buttons mean something, though I’ve never figured out what.

I suspect the Sound Guy likes to keep it that way to add to his Mystique and Allure.

In addition to minutely adjusting the plethora of small knobs, the Sound Guy is in charge of making sure you can hear everything that’s going on in the service. The Sound Guy is the one to blame when there is a sneak attack screech of feedback.

The Screech of Feedback is an evil disease responsible for soiled seats in auditoriums world-wide. Once, when I was eight months pregnant with Uno, I was at a concert when a screech screeched. She leapt so hard in my stomach my body literally lifted off the chair. It is only by the Grace of God and the gift of a squished baby with no room for a solid backswing I did not wet myself as a result of a well-placed fatal, fetal kick to the bladder.

There were no screeches in today’s service. The headset microphone did go out, however. I spoke to my Sound Guy afterward and asked him if the batteries ran out. He told me there were brand new batteries in the headset and that little event is proof there are sound gremlins running around auditoriums, nibbling on wires and gleefully swirling sound waves with their magic wands.

Yep. I don’t understand that, either. I guess it adds to the Mystique and Allure of the Sound Guy.

(On a completely different note, did you see this story about the guy arrested for urinating on his co-worker’s chairs? It was at a Farm Bureau in the South. Make your own judgements on that one.)

After the service my Sound Guy told me he was almost done but needed to update the firm ware and put some sounds back in the mix because the room was absorbing them.

I’m sure that means something. Mystique and Allure.

I told him that sounded lovely and I would be outside with the girls. Then I watched as Tres took a nosedive off a set of stairs.

Good fun for Easter. Hope yours has been restful, too!

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