I think it’s fair to say Butterfinger-flavored ice cream is the new Nyquil.
There can be no other explanation for why I sat down on the sofa last night with a bowl of multiple scoops of Butterfinger-flavored ice cream at 7:42 p.m., finished it at 7:43 p.m, and passed out at 8:03 p.m.
I slept until 1 a.m., at which time I stumbled toward my feather pillow and acquired a new bruise on my thigh from slamming into the foot of the bed.
In past seasons of my life I’ve taken Nyquil when confronted by vague sickness and a desperate need for sleep. True, you can’t operate motor vehicles or a milk frother while on it, but Nyquil has always done the job for me when I need a night of sleeping like the dead.
But now I’m ready to switch my allegiance! Butterfinger-flavored ice cream. Not only will you pass out in satiated joy after partaking, but you’ll have fewer dreams than anyone I’ve ever known who took Ambien for sleep disorders.
(Fun Ambien stories, anyone? I’d love to hear! A friend of mine woke up from an Ambien-induced sleep once sitting on his sofa in boxer shorts with filthy bare feet, clutching a Taco Bell drink in one hand and a dvd from the local rental store in the other. I love Ambien stories!)
Not being one to keep good things all to myself, I wanted to share the secret to sleep with you asap. I’m sure the narcolepsy had nothing to do with the 10–week-old baby sleeping on my chest. Nothing at all.
This means you can replicate my results with little effort.
While you get to work on that, I’m going to fall asleep. Again.
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