C U L8R, Yo

I’ve mentioned before I came late to the whole text message life. I completely bypassed the movement of having to abbreviate everything in order to not be charged or whatever the problem was that turned perfectly good words like “later” into ridiculous phonemes like “l8r.”

Bah Humbug.

I take pride in spelling words out and still composing Twitter updates that (almost) always conform to 140 characters.

Because I don’t regularly use “ur” for “your” or “2nite”instead of “tonight” I’ve often had to look up abbreviation definitions. Even then, some of them strike me as nonsensical.

Would you like an example? I figured you would.

1. ROFL. Don’t get me wrong, I know it feels good to write and read ROFL in response to a comment, but unless you’re literally on the floor picking up shoe dirt, laughing yourself to incontinence… don’t write ROFL. I’ve never heard of anyone actually following through with actions on that abbreviation.

2. FML. This little abbreviation actually makes my blood pressure rise. I’ve already vented about it in this post, so I’ll keep my piehole shut right now – but unless you were diagnosed with cancer the same day your cat died… chances are “FML” isn’t an appropriate comment to make.

3. 420. I was in my second year of graduate school before I realized 420 was code for marijuana. I distinctly remember the moment it dawned on me – I was walking down the main shopping street off campus and asked why that smoke shop was named “420.” My companion gave me a funny look and explained the number can represent smoking pot. Then I understood why people going in and out of the store always smelled like patchouli oil. that’s my story about 420. The end.

4. 4COL. Anyone who looks at this and immediately thinks, “For Crying Out Loud,” instead of interpreting it as a plea for colon cleansing is a cooler cat than I. And possibly in need of roughage or a bran muffin.

5. ABITHIWTITB. No, a squirrel did not just have a epileptic fit on my keyboard. “A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush.” Who needs to say this over a text message, thus requiring the invention of said acronym? Really? Can’t you just say, “Wise move” or pick up the phone?!

6. ADBB. When I see this I start singing Dancing Queen. It doesn’t mean “All done, bye, bye” to me, it reminds me of ABBA, a musical adventure completely destroyed for me by the buck teeth and orange hair of the gal in Muriel’s Wedding. RIP, ABBA. ADBB.

7. AON. “Apropos of Nothing.” Exactly.

8. CID. I’m concerned that “CID” can represent “consider it done” or “crying in disgrace.” To me it’s short for “caller ID.” Again, I’m reminded I’m totally up on the cool kid lingo. Yo.

9. ditto. I found this listing on a webpage and thought about tearing my hair, wailing, gnashing my teeth, and requesting a noose. Because “ditto” isn’t an acronym for “same here” as the webpage suggested. It’s a real word, duh.

10. DUNA. I like this abbreviation a lot! DUNA = Don’t Use No Acronyms. This is a sin against the use of grammar in the English language, but it does convey a sense of intelligence. Or inspire you do start moon walking through your work place. Your call.

I could go on forever with the acronyms I don’t understand but I’d much rather hear about the ones you see and haven’t understood or use yourself. Will you share in the comments?