Colored Political Parties

At the risk of ruffling feathers and making a political statement over here, I’d like to throw out a brainstorm.

It would be really, really amusing to me if each political persuasion was identified by a color. Just think, eating simple candies like Skittles could become a statement… and items like Red Hots or Lemonheads would define your core values.

Just think, if every color of the rainbow was a political party…

Red Politico: This is the Angry Party. Members throw Molotov cocktails and carry butterfly knives. They eat squirrel meat, have indigestion  and like it. Love stories in the Red Politico are like Romeo and Juliet, but without the flair for the romantic and more just about the street rumbles.

Orange Party: This party stands for social justice. They want a fresh outlook on life, one that’s not afraid to acknowledge the “pulp” of the ugly tendencies of human nature. They get along with almost everyone in most situations. But on occasion, just like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth, they nail you with a sour taste and desperate wish that things were different.

Yellow Group: The Yellow Group is the political party for cowards. Their body language says, “Here’s my jugular! I’ll stand for whatever you think I should as long as there’s no conflict. Please don’t hurt me!” The sound bites of the Yellow Group are, “That’s a solid point, Al,” and “Why yes, I do believe big business should have free rein and special interests groups should evade taxes.” They typically drive old Volkswagon buses or Vespas.

Green Team: This one isn’t too much of a surprise, as Nadar already took it. The Green Team believes in protecting the environment. But their stances are slightly askew as the major spokesperson is a dude who’s last name creates a brain connection with the word “nasal.” (Which I state because I’m shallow like that.)

True Blue: The “soothing” party. Barry Manilow writes the background music for all their commercials and when they gather in large groups they drink cocktails made with Vanilla Stoli chamomile tea. They listen to Muzak and new age genre while making speeches and wear cats wrapped around their necks. Their main aim in life is to fix the mistakes of the past so we can move into a brighter tomorrow.

Purple Power: If a person has Purple Power they take pride in being passionate, they yell, “Hear hear!” throughout all gatherings. Purple Power Pals tend to spit when speaking and are known for eating grapes and drinking Kool Aid, and discussing First Amendment rights ad nauseam.

Brown Band: Not to be rude, but the Brown Band are… well… Boring. Very little gets them riled up and they prefer to be at home, watching reality t.v. and eating Marie Calendar’s beef stroganoff television dinners. It’s wise not to make sudden movements around members of the Brown Band – once a firecracker went off nearby and startled 43 members into a catatonic state.

Black Party: If you dare ask the Black Party to articulate their views for change, you will quickly discover one strong area of agreement: hopeless. They watch 24-hour news shows incessantly and believe if they sleep with newscasts playing over headphones they will learn to solve the world’s problems by osmosis. However, since there is nothing new under the sun and no one has a chance at doing good anyway, it’s hard for them to vehemently support any policy at all.

What do you think about my political party color system? What would you add?