It’s Just Shameful

There’s this whole theme of “shaming” all the cool kids are doing these days. It’s like cardboard testimonies, without the redemption plan.

 

I believe it started with animals, particularly dogs, posed next to a large sign confessing their sin against humanity. The meme moved to small children, which was great fun until the super-sensitive peeps all across the internets began to cry child abuse.

 

It’s safe to say those people were also offended by the father who shot his daughter’s laptop then posted the video on Facebook. Because he was violent and all.

 

Well, the trend has spread to the matriarchal blogosphere and all day I’ve seen blog posts of lovely women standing beside signs admitting their mommy transgressions.

 

I’m disturbed by this trend because, well, there’s enough Mommy Guilt floating around without exacerbating it with a white piece of paper and a Sharpie marker. Can’t a Ma make a mistake without flaunting it to the whole world?

 

No. The answer to that question is: No. Thanks for asking.

 

Clearly, when I was asked by Ms. Pfiefer in the 4th grade “if all my friends jumped off a bridge would I do it too?” my answer should have been, “Yes, but I’d be wearing a snorkeling mask and Scooby Doo flippers,” because I’m going to go ahead and follow the trend – but with a flair.

 

Or lack there of.

 

I will not be posting a photo. I don’t want you to get all bothered about my crazy hair, footie pajamas, and sagging eyelids and turn into my number one stalker reader.

 

See, I always have your best interests at heart.

 

Despite ignoring the photo opportunity, I do feel I can share a few Mommy Shame concepts that would make it onto my white board.

 

My children, I must confess:

 

• I hid a box of Nerds behind the toaster and a Butterfinger on top of the refrigerator so I could eat without sharing.
• I set the alarm clock in your room back 15 minutes so I could get extra sleep every morning.
• I said brownies taste like poop once they’re in your mouth and putting fertilizer in your shoes will make you grow taller.
• I haven’t given you allowance money in months because I don’t want you to blow it all at Claire’s Boutique.

 

and now, for the big finish:

 

I told you the ice cream truck only plays music when it’s out of ice cream.

 

Children. Please forgive me.

 

Now, tell me:

 

What would you put on your blank card if you were confessing your “shame” moments?