I’ve discovered a new love language: the language of socks.
I don’t think it can rightly be called sock-o-phelia, but the truth is I am feeling a significant mess of lovin’ from my husband and in-laws because right now, as I type, they are matching and folding the socks of our household.
The possibility exists they are doing this because the sock pile has taken over the entire loveseat and they want a place to sit, but I’m going to believe it’s an act of sock-o-phelia service. And I appreciate it!
In honor of my sock-folding family, it’s time for a 10 Spot Ramble! Sock Edition:
1. Not only German tourists… Archaeologists recently found a 2000-year-old sandal, which showed a clear impression of material fibers. Socks! Proof the ancient Romans committed fashion faux pas we typically only see in tourist towns today.
2. Goat socks! In the eighth century, Greeks wore socks made from matted animal hair. I can only imagine the succulent odor rising from some dirty, tired dogs covered in billy goat fuzz. Yummy.
3. Emily Post has an Opinion. Proper sock etiquette requires the sock color to match the color of the shoes and/or pants, but should be at least one shade darker than the pants and one shade lighter than the shoes. This is proof I shouldn’t be allowed in polite company.
4. Older than Checkers. The oldest known pair of socks dates back to 4th century B.C. Egypt. The discovery of these ancient socks were found in the 1800s, which means the socks, were buried over 1500 years ago. This pair of socks is older than Backgammon and Chess, and the first reference to toilet paper! Sock… toilet paper… which one is more practical in your opinion?!
5. Get a Toe-Hold. The toe is the most common place for a sock to wear out first. I find the heel is also quick to go, but maybe that’s just because my feet are exceptionally bony.
6. Marriage Mismatch. According to sock-maker Pex Wholesales, “More often than not, people who wear mismatching socks are married. This is because people often choose socks in a dark room to avoid waking their sleeping spouse, which leads to them wearing socks of similar but subtly different colours being worn as a pair.” True love? One navy sock and one blue sock. I’ll get right on that.
7. Quicker picker-upper. Socks absorb almost half a liter of sweat per day! I’m grossed out by this fact. I’m also grateful to my socks for taking care of this business for me.
8. Time for Something. The design on the side or ankle of a sock is called a clock. You can speculate on why sock manufacturers would do such a thing because I’m too busy contemplating why there’s no ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple, and why boxing rings are square.
9. They Need Their Own Milk Cartons. A family of four will lose up to sixty socks every year. I find our socks in the most bizarre places; my jewelry box, the back of the kid’s toy box, inside pillowcases and the vehicle glove compartment… I never know where they’re going to pop up!
10. Socks are Terrifying. The sock puppets consists of a sock placed over the hand, with some form of crudely applied eyes and / or hair. A poorly designed sock puppet can cause a small child or even a foreign dignitary crawl into their hidey hole and cry for mama.
Fear of puppets, in any form, may or may not be known as pupaphobia. Fear of sock puppets, specifically, is known as common sense.
“It’s over. Time to pee on the campfire and call in the dogs.”
How important are socks to your life?