In honor of Father’s Day, I have composed a silly Ode. Let this not be confused with a Father’s Day Odor, which can be addressed with a shower and fresh application of deodorant.
Let us begin:
Blessed is the man who wallows in the bounty of children, for such a man need never fear old age.
His children shall rise up and provide for his creature comforts, encompassing toilet paper when he is stranded and hugs if he is burdened.
Honored is the man who shrinketh not from the foulest of parenting tasks, for lo, tho the diarrhea diapers shall come in an unceasing torrent, so shall the appreciation from his wife.
The man who changeth the diapers shall find his children remember he hath loved on them at their ugliest and thus shall be a stalwart companion in all circumstances.
Envied is the man who putteth his muscles to household chores, for thy garbage repeatedly accumulates and thy dishes don’t dirty themselves.
Yet a man who applyeth himself to these tasks shall be heralded amongst Bunco groups unnumbered and appreciated in all domestic dominions.
Glorious is the man who maintaineth his thirst for adventure and includes his progeny in such endeavors; indeed, the fondest memories are often of those experiences that resemble Murphy’s Law more than Pinterest.
Reminiscing of those devilish times shall be the cement of family unity and provide a basis for camaraderie for decades.
Powerful is the man who gentles his might to cradle a babe; who exposes vulnerability to his wife.
He shall be an example of greatness to his colleagues.
Desired fully is the man who labors at a job that respecteth not, payeth little, and frustrates much in order to provide for the care of his family. He shall receive opportunity aplenty to grow in character and perseverance.
Respected is the man who turnest his attention to his household, for he shall be adored and emulated by generations untold, he shall be honored with monikers, peace, and fame amongst his family.
Wisdom is the name of the man who loves as a fierce warrior; protecting those who need protection, sheltering this progeny under his leadership. His discernment shall be limitless.
All of this to say, thanks, dads, for being stand up guys who stick around, make us laugh, help out, and lead. We appreciate you!