Bugle Call of the Wild

I have moved one step closer to being a real hunter. (Please, oh please, read that phrase again while imagining Pinocchio.)

I’m a real girl!

OK. The truth is I’m not really much of a hunter although I’m completely in favor of it if you eat what you kill. Personally, I have only killed a few rabbits and that doesn’t seem to be on the same grand landscape as taking down a 500-pound elk that could feasibly feed a family for close to a year, but I’m inching that direction after our weekend activity.

What has caused this character growth, you ask? I’ve been elk bugling.

Now you may (like me) be naive when it comes to what elk bugling as an activity looks like, so let me give you a run down of my own experience:

1. Go on a ridiculously beautiful drive out into the woods.
2. Eat popcorn and throw rocks down an abandoned well.
3. Walk a toddler’s mile at dusk.
4. Whistle and make high pitched grunting noises in hopes a randy elk will respond.
5. Wait.
6. Get told not to wander off in case an elk in rut wants to… you know… rut you.
7. Walk a toddler’s mile back to the car.
8. Drink hot cocoa.
9. Be at peace with the world. (Or go through the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance — over the fact that elk didn’t find you attractive and stop by to check you out. It’s all part of the experience.)

Real wildlife people described an elk bugle like this: “The typical bugle of the bull elk is a surprising, distinctive sound that begins deep and resonant, and becomes a high pitched squeal before ending in a succession of grunts.” You’ll notice that, contrary to what vocabulary words might lead you to believe, there are no small musical instruments involved in this bugling, nor are the monstrous elk likely to wake you up to a revelry in the morning.

I needed my friends to clarify that at the time they issued their invitation because I really couldn’t understand why they would want us to come play in a band with elk.

Like I said, I’m one step closer to being a real hunter now.

Now, real hunters go elk bugling for a variety of reasons. They may want to locate the elk for hunting purposes, have a fetish about massive bovines and mating season, or  think it’s cool to be close to nature and in the wild and stuff.

All I know is it was awesome and highly recommended. Maybe next time I’ll bring a trumpet.