All posts by Juggler

10 Tips For Marrying The Wrong Person

Runaway Bride
Runaway Bride

Here we are, in the final installment of You Married the Wrong One, this time taking a sharp look at how to choose the best one out of all the wrong ones out there.


Confused yet?


The sad but true fact is you will marry someone who will exasperate you, hurt you, and make you angry. They will be lazy, depressed, self-centered, annoying, foolish and stinky on occasion.


This Is True.


BUT, you will also marry someone who will make you laugh, be fun to be around, and fill your life with a greater richness.


Now that sounds good, doesn’t it?


How do you make the right choice for the one who will bring you more joy than heartache? I’ve already covered finding someone you love rather than lust for, but I have a little more to add.


Just say No.


Nope, it’s not just a slogan from the ’80s and my beloved Nancy Reagan, it’s a real phrase we should all be using regularly but especially when it comes for our search for The One.


The authors of a book I haven’t read, How To Marry The Wrong Guy: A Guide For Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life, were quoted in an article I did read that they discovered three out of ten divorced people will admit they knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle.


According to the authors most women (and men) who want to cancel their weddings don’t.


“I couldn’t believe how many people confessed that they knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle,” says author Anne Milford. “I had people of all ages tell me this over and over again. They’ve said ‘I do’ — when they really wanted to scream ‘I don’t’.”


This may sound melodramatic except it resonates with me very strongly.


Because before I met my true love I was engaged to another man. *gasp*


I am a woman of broken betrothal.


He was a great guy, now married to someone else and doing lovely things with his life. And there was nothing wrong with our relationship.


My logic told me to marry him, as we had dated for a year, were planning to be engaged for a year and then get married. We followed the expected formula for a relationship. There were no issues. He was great.


But when he asked me to marry him in a terribly romantic proposal with a terribly large diamond ring… my inside was saying, “No!” while my mouth was saying, “Yes!”


I was the woman who couldn’t say, “No.”


We were engaged for several months before I called it off. I still hate that I hurt him so badly, because there was no reason I could give him for breaking the engagement except, “It just isn’t right.”


Which is a pretty poor reason, all things considered.


(Who’s the jerk? “I am! I am! I was a jerk even before I knew him, me! Me! Me!”)


But after I met Lizard… I knew why my gut had said “no.” It was because I hadn’t met my “yes” yet.


That experience cemented my belief in breaking off a relationship even if it doesn’t make “sense” when the base-level feeling isn’t, “Yes!”


Some more guidelines to choosing your special someone, the one you’d rather fight with than anyone else:


Don’t Pick Someone…


1. You expect will change or mature out of bad behaviors after you’re married.
2. Who makes your heart go pitter-patter when your brain isn’t engaged as well.
3. Without the same spiritual and life goals.
4. Because you had sex with them.
5. You don’t honestly admire. Their influence should make you want to be a better version of yourself.
6. You can’t be open and honest with.
7. Because you’re running from your own personal trash pile.
8. Because you’re afraid of being alone.
9. Because they’re the only one who’s ever wanted you and there may not be anyone else wanting you. Ever.
10. To make your family or friends happy. 


Got that? JUST SAY NO!!!


I expect by tomorrow I’ll be back in the saddle again with my quirky take on exciting things like laundry, parenting, and the joys of garage sales. In the meantime, let me know what you think of this One That Got Away/Wrong Person series. And… give me your own submissions for the worst story lines ever!


This post was originally published October 1, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!



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You Married the Wrong One. For Real.

Showcase_01Two years ago I fell in love with a purse.


I can’t describe what made this purse so incredibly wonderful, but it was. It was everything I had ever wanted in a purse but the price tag… oh the price tag was right up there with getting a root canal and I was not going to pay it.


So I didn’t. It was the one that got away.


Funny thing, even though I made a choice to let that purse go, every time Iwalk into the purse section of a store I think about the purse that got away.


Yesterday I took a few minutes to walk through the purse section at a store and thought again about the purse. Come on! How many times do I need to worry about a purse?!


For some reason all this purse distraction made me think about the concept of “the one that got away.”


Whether it’s the big fish that broke the line, the old flame who captivates our fantasy, or the chance you had to invest in Apple before it was, well, Apple, we all have stories about the one that got away.


The most debilitating “one who got away” is when you believe you missed out on the true love of your life.


At some point most people will wake up in their marriage and think, “I’m so tired of seeing how different I am from them in X, Y, and Z. I married the wrong person.”


So what do you do then?


I have some news to impart that may surprise you.


You DID marry the wrong person.


“But, how can this be?! You, you who post things about how much you love your husband, how can you say you married the wrong person?!”


And you would be right. I do love my husband. But he’s still the wrong person. And I’m the wrong person for him.


We are full of awful traits. Not just the silly stuff like getting on each other’s nerves.


We are wrong. Just wrong.


That doesn’t mean we pack up camp and try a new campsite. In fact, just the opposite.


The key is our love for each other and for God helps us choose on a daily basis to become Right.


If you had married the one who got away I guarantee you would not have the problems you see in your current relationship.


Nope. Not those problems.


But you’d have other ones, problems you can’t even suspect right now because you aren’t living in close proximity to that special someone who occupies your thoughts on occasion.


Because we’re all the wrong person.


What do you think about this idea? I’d love to hear! Does it bring up more questions for you?


This post was originally published September 11, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


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Going Natural

There’s a little bit of a punk in me.  Maybe it’s in you as well?


Because I’m a stinker, sometimes I do things just to get a rise.  I guess it’s my way of checking my mental pulse.


One of the ways I do this is to follow blogs and news from sources holding different values than I hold.  I’m a firm believer that untested philosophies are worthless, so if I can be challenged to defend my point of view I’m likely going to be more intelligent about my opinion and more likely to convince others I’m right!


(Let’s be honest, it’s all about being right, right??)


I recently read an article about how underutilized the IUD is as a form of birth control.  If you’d like to read the entire story, here’s the link.


Here’s this nasty, hard-looking device being promoted as awesome.  Forgive me, I like to avoid a plastic anchor being placed into my body just so I won’t possibly be burdened with a child!


What really made my blood boil was the innocently offered statement:


“Today’s options are t-shaped and work by damaging and killing sperm, as well as changing the uterine lining to make it an especially inhospitable environment for little embryos (should the sperm survive).”


I can’t help but become outraged because that’s not just an inhospitable environment for the sperm to survive… that’s a fully viable child that’s being destroyed because the fertilized egg can’t implant!


When I think about the absolute magic that comes with childbearing and the odds against a child being conceived and carried to term it makes me incredibly sad that so many people make the choice to halt the life of a child based on thoughtlessness and convenience.


(In case you haven’t figured out, I believe life starts at conception, the moment that little sperm hits that little egg and fireworks erupt.)


Going cold turkey with birth control isn’t a viable option for most people, I realize.  After all, I am pro-child but fully terrified of ending up living in an asylum for small children à la Dugger-style.


I didn’t want to be on the birth control pill anymore but I didn’t want to practice free lovin’ either.  I didn’t like the hormones of the Pill and I didn’t like learning that during each year I had been on the Pill I had likely conceived three times but my body had created an “especially inhospitable environment” and flushed that baby out.


While there were definitely other options available I wanted something that was easy, logical and effective.  (And not so messy, either.  Because I’m a sissy and don’t like messes.)


At the time I was exploring options for birth control a friend passed on a very valuable resource, here it is.


My friend told me about the book Love and Fertility published by the Family of the Americas Foundation.  The explanation of this method is logical, easy to understand, and it also helped me understand my own body.


For us, it has been 100% effective.


So I’d like to share it with you.  I hope this makes you at least think of birth control options – and perhaps take a chance on going natural!


(I recommend buying the book from the Family of the Americas Foundation.  I included the link to the book on just because I thought you might enjoy reading the comments.)


This post was originally published May 23, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

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The Imperfection Challenge

A few weeks ago a friend asked if I would write about being inadequate.


I’ve been waiting for the right words to appear. Partially out of respect to my friend and wanting to do the topic justice, partly because I fight feelings of inadequacy on a daily basis.


Something happened to make today The Day to respond to my friend’s request.


I followed click through to click to discover this post over at The Douglass Diaries. As I read I realized I was looking at something profound, something beautiful and something agonizing all at the same time. Her post was inspired by this post by Single Dad Laughing.


Take a minute to click through and read both posts.


Sunday morning I spent an hour in an upscale mall drinking a cup of coffee and trying to sort out what’s happening in my life; my priorities, my motivations, my hurts, my surrenders, my successes, my failures. As I was grappling with my internal stuff I watched women walk by who made me grieve.


They looked beautiful.


They looked fake.


And, based on the conversations I heard, they didn’t seem to know there was more going on in the world than a tantalizing discussion of their friend who just purchased a Jimmy Choo handbag.


I was offended by those women because I sensed they didn’t want to struggle with all the complexity life serves up. Because even from a distance of 25 feet I could scent their facade.


Because even though they were physically arresting and carried themselves with confidence, they aren’t perfect. But instead of acknowledging that, they covered it up with long, straight hair, manicured fingernails, and wedge heels.


Later I read these posts and realized I’m craving people who can be real. Not raw, but real. I want people around me who can look me straight in the eyes and say, “Yep. This part we’re in right here, yep, it sucks. But we can move forward and the future will be stronger, more pure, more meaningful than what you’re experiencing right now. And remember this other stuff? Isn’t it amazing?!”


When I write here I do my best to be real, not raw. I try to share the quirky bits of life so we can all get a chance to smile.


But I’m not perfect, I don’t think I have the most perfect life ever. It’s fun for me to take topics and twist the words so it sounds humorous… but the reality is many days I write with sarcasm because if I don’t I’ll likely pull my hair out or do my best to get a one-way ticket to an undisclosed location.


All this to say…


Read those posts. This one and this one. It won’t take you long. Then come back over here and help me answer this question:


Can StealingFaith be about acknowledging the real? Can we build a community over here of people who are flawed but still able to accomplish great things? Do you want to be a part of a community where we can celebrate each other’s successes and grieve together, but never lose hope for an intentional and glowing future?


Because I want that. I want to see my own failures and losses and still have the courage to stand tall because I know we are people who are learning to love unconditionally. I want to love unconditionally. I want to recognize my imperfections but refuse to wallow in them.


In the words of Single Dad Laughing:

This is me … asking the good people of the world to find somebody to put their arm around and be “real”. This is me, wishing that people would realize how beautiful they are, even with all of their imperfections. This is me, sad and desperate for the girls in this world to love themselves. This is me, a very imperfect man, trying to help others feel a little more perfect by asking you to act a little less perfect.

Will you help me spread “Real”? Tell us below just how perfect you aren’t. You never know who might be alive tomorrow because you were real today. You never know who needs to feel like they aren’t alone in their inability to be perfect. Even if you comment as an anonymous guest, please comment. Tell us what you struggle with. Tell a sad or dark secret. Get vulnerable. Get real.


Will you be brave today? Will you be real? Your ability to state your struggle out loud could be the key to changing someone else’s life. I know these other posts have changed mine. Will you accept the Imperfection Challenge, leave a comment and tell just how perfect you aren’t?


This post was originally published October 17, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

Be A Commitment-Phobe. Please.

Patti Stanger of the Millionaire Matchmaker.

Two nights ago I had a brawl with a gal about my affinity for the Millionaire Matchmaker.


We went back and forth via facebook commentary about why Millionaire Matchmaker was better than American Choppers, Lizard got involved, it was lively and I defended Patty to the hilt.


Yet I feel compelled to tell you I am not a complete Millionaire Matchmaker devotee.


(In fact, if you’re not watching it now please do not start. It will bring nothing to your life. At all. It’s my guilty pleasure, but it’s kind of like Glee. I watched Glee for awhile because I kept seeing people post about how amazing it was. And it’s not. Sorry if that offends you but Glee is NOT GOOD. And neither is Millionaire Matchmaker.)


I love watching the train wreck of people and I’m generally fascinated and in love with talking about relationships, so the show is right up my alley. But, regardless of the fact the Daniel Kibblesmith episode was amazing and included the most awkward kiss ever, I don’t think she was nice to him because he was utterly charming without the makeover and you can feel nothing but love for a guy with “kibble” in his last name.


I appreciate Patty’s gusto and bluntness (but not her language) but I’m going to take issue with one of her philosophies.


She always says a broken engagement is a sign of commitment phobia.


Yes, that may be true in the occasional case but in general I’m going to say a broken engagement is a sign of good sense.


If someone is smart enough to recognize their doubts and get out while the gettin’s good, huzzah for them.


Because do we really need to add to the divorce rate statistic? Do we really need people in marriages that are dodgy and breed adultery?


If you’re going to commit to someone for a lifetime then you should commit. Not 90%. Not 95%. Commit. 100%.


And if you can’t say that, if you’re going back and forth and writing a pro and con list, if you have doubt while you’re engaged… cut the line and back away.


Ignore Patty. You’re not a commitment-phobe. You realize the importance of what you’re about to do and you’re being wise.


That’s what I have to say about that. I don’t know if it will affect my viewing relationship with the Millionaire Matchmaker, but I do know it’s important to me to make a definitive statement.


And I also mean what I said about Glee. Cut the line. Get out while the gettin’s good.


This post was originally published October 19, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


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Copyright © 2010-2019 | All rights reserved


Facebook-Comments-does-not-solve-anonymity-techkik-Amrita-MathurAfter posting my thoughts about lurkers a few weeks ago I got some requests for blog reader/commenter’s guidelines.


Apparently many of you like to read blogs and are now concerned that reading is a two-way street you’ve been treating as a super sketchy one way street designed for donkey’s but now capable of fitting two semi-trucks side-by-side.


(That may not have been the best visual but I hope you get that commenting on blogs can be quite satisfying when you enter into the conversation with the author!)


I’ve been a lurker on blogs for ages and ages but now I’m coming out of the closet and widening my road…


After an exhaustive search of the World Wide Web (which means I typed the search phrase “rules for blog commenting” in Google) I found there are a lot of sites with posts for getting people to comment but not so much advice about how, why and when readers should comment.


So I’ve come up with a few guidelines for the lurker all on my own.  Ta-Da!  Here they are, the




1.  Look for Guidelines.  If there are rules to be had on your blog of choice, there will be a comment guidelines page.  Go ahead and scan the page.  Alternatively, many bloggers are grateful to have feedback instead of hearing crickets chirp after a post.  For them, post early and post often.  Bloggers blog for a variety of reasons and when someone takes the time to comment, it makes us feel as though what we are doing is worthwhile which, in turn, inspires us to continue.


2.  Really talk to the Community.  Counterintuitively, right when I tell you to comment early and often I’m also going to challenge you not to comment just to put something out there.  Add value to the conversation. “That’s great!” or “Cool, me too!” comments are the equivalent of your first romantic phone conversation: “Um, Hi, is Jenny there?” “Speaking.”  “Uh, yeah.  It’s Eric.  Hi.” “Hi.” {chirp, chirp} Pretend you’re talking to your best friend and truly respond to the conversation.


3.  Be nice.  Speak from your point of view but don’t treat others as though they are idiots because they don’t agree with you.  Also, don’t be the idiot yourself – make an effort to use good grammar and spelling and to communicate your thoughts clearly. Don’t forget that people cannot see your expression or hear your voice. This is why smilies and snark tags such as “sarcasm” were invented – use them!


4.  Tell Your Friends.  This isn’t necessary, but if you want to build a relationship with the blog owner, tweet their post or share it on facebook. Many blogs have this button front and center and it’s just a matter of pushing it. Plus it makes everyone feel good.


5.  Come out of Hiding.  Comment at least once for every three visits to a website.  Also, when I enjoy a post but don’t have much to say about it and the option is available I’ll rate the post instead of leave a comment.  The blogger is looking to put a face to a number in the reader stats… and genuinely wants to know you through your response.  So… go for it!


Obviously, this etiquette can be tailored depending on the types of blogs you read; what works for will be different than a comment for the NASA website! (Not that I don’t talk about really smart stuff and rockets and boogers and stuff around here…)


Look forward to seeing you lurkers come out of the woodwork because, well…


Now’s the time to say goodbye to all our company… through the years we’ll all be friends wherever we may be… see ya real soon… why? because we like you!


A hot pink pot holder and a monkey wrench will be the prizes to the first people to identify that little excerpt in the comments.  Maybe.


This post was originally published June 7, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

Chocolate Bananas and Caffeinated Quiet

Brybs / stock.xchng

Let me tell you about something that has made. my. day.


Green Eggs and Moms wrote about this fantastic study by a Brazilian University that found caffeine consumption by a mother has no significant effect on a newborn’s sleeping pattern.


(OK. I may be overstating the vocabulary here just a tad. Guilty as charged.)


Considering I didn’t even try to give up my Coca-Cola habit for this pregnancy and I typically start sucking down the coffee a few weeks after childbirth, this is the best news I’ve heard in my childbearing years.


I’m a firm believer the coffee bean is proof God loves me. Can I get an, “amen!” from the fervent listeners?!


The downside to my little caffeine habit is occasionally I find myself awake when I’d prefer to be asleep. Like right now. I’m the only one stalking around the house, hoping I don’t wake anyone up and end up being hit over the head with an oar.


Because there are oars on the walls here and that would be my weapon of choice against a late-night intruder.


I’m going to blame my Pinterest for my wakefulness. I saw a recipe that looked so yummy – a banana cut in half with melted chocolate chips, smeared with peanut butter. It was decadent. It was delicious.


It was invigorating.


Even though my sleep pattern is suffering, I’m enjoying the quiet time. Sitting in silence when you have three kids is something hard to come by. I’ve discovered when I drive anywhere by myself these days I usually don’t have the radio playing. I just listen to the road.


Right now I’m listening to the waves, the crickets, and the mosquitos hit the screen, trying to get in to buzz around my lit computer screen.


The bad thing about silence? Sometimes the quiet time gives me the space to worry.


I worry about so much – much more than I worried about when I was single or before I became a mom. Now worry is the soundtrack to my life.


Most of the time I worry about things that I have absolutely no control over, or things that need time to come to fruition. (Like whether I’m creating a child with ADD by consuming high-energy provoking caffeine during the pregnancy.)


(And please don’t mention caffeine has been shown to cause nervousness and anxiety. I don’t need to worry about that, too,)


I get mad at myself when I worry because I don’t want to be consumed by fear. I remember quotes like this one from Frances Chan:

‎”Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.”




So tonight, just this one time (with hopefully more times to come), I’m going to do my best to put my brain on pause…


…and just listen to the world around me. Bugs, waves, cicadas, and crickets. The yumminess of a banana coated with chocolate and peanut butter goo.


Good stuff!


How do you handle your worries?

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How To Know It’s Time To Break Up

It’s no surprise around here I’m a big believer in breaking up with someone you’re dating when it becomes obvious they’re not “the one.”

This news story is too much proof I’m right to let it pass by!

Our dumb friend Kevin made a date with his online girlfriend. Ooo, yes, the glamor and excitement of online dating come to life! A real life date!

Except… his real life girlfriend showed up before his online date appeared at his house.

Tragedy! Angst! Hot flush due to getting caught!

Since real life girlfriend was now in the house, when online date showed up… he called the police and reported online date as a burglar.

Because that was going to cover his tail.

So, in honor of Kevin Gaylor of Colorado Springs, CO, I have created a list of Hints It’s Time To End Your Dating Relationship.


1. You’re browsing the personals section online.  What, are you just looking for the next best thing? Are you bored? Here’s a hint: if you’re looking for someone else, the one you’re with isn’t your soul mate. Cut the line and move on. And if you’re just bored, you’re playing with fire and your significant other should move on because they’re worth more than you.

2. You plan to meet in a private location. Mr. Kevin set up his online date at 3 a.m. Yes, that’s in the oh. my. goodness. hours of the morning, not a time when you’re likely to run into anyone you know. If you’re not proud to take your date in public, cut the line. You’re not in the right relationship.

3. Your relationship is filled with lies. Not going to be a huge shocker here, but if you’re not being truthful and honest with your significant other, you’re not in the relationship for the long haul. No, you do not need to have emotional diarrhea on the first date in the interests of “getting to know each other” or “being completely authentic with your true self” but if you’ve been steadily dating for several months, the major stuff should be out in the open.

4. You go to extraordinary measures to hide your actions. So, Kevin called the cops. He also got his tail hauled to jail and a misdemeanor for providing false information to the police. I wonder if that was worth it to him? If you have secrets that cause you to involve friends, family or authorities to keep hidden or if you’re constantly emptying your computer’s “history” tab… you need to take stock and make better choices.

5. You just don’t like them. I know this is self-explanatory, but if you don’t like the person you’re with, stop spending time with them. Duh. If you don’t like them, you don’t like them. Stop making them miserable trying to please you and let them go free to find someone who actually does like them. Any other action and you’re just being selfish because you don’t want conflict. Deal with it with integrity.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

I don’t mention the warning signs of when to break up in my book Badonkadonk: and other things that make you blush. I just talk about the nitty-gritty of the marriage relationship. And it’s pretty good, I’m not gonna lie. I’d be honored if you head over here to take a look at it, comment and rate it.

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“i’m skeered.”

“i’m skeered,” says the little voice in my head.

Wanna know why? I’m trying something new. Something scary.

I’ve mentioned I’m working on a few books. I’ve been peddling them to different publishers and I’ve got one pretty close to done.

The only thing is it’s not going to be easy to get it published in the traditional route. Why? Because it’s about sex.

And you know how much Christians like to talk about sex. At least officially – I don’t know any young Christian woman who doesn’t like to have a good sit down every now and then to discuss what’s up with down there

Specifically a humorous take on the bizarre activity of intimacy and what God has to say about it. It’s targeted toward the young woman newly engaged or married.

And I’ve gone and done something crazy – I put it on is a website for authors who want to share their work with the world. If their books get ranked highly, put on the “favorites” lists, etc. of the other readers at Authonomy, they hit the attention of editors, agents and publishers around the world. It’s free, it’s fun.

Now I need your help.

Would you visit Authonomy and leave your opinions and ranking? Here’s the link to the book, Badonkadonk: and other things that make you blush.

Take a gander yourself, rank it, then share it with your friends and such.

But please don’t tell my mom. Her sense of Southern Lady would be highly offended.

I promise you’ll laugh. I promise you’ll blush. And I’m hoping you’ll love it.

Thank you.

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I see Witches

We just got home from a late night drive. The girls were completely crashed in their car seats.

So we started the adventure of taking in one at a time, then maneuvering them into the bunk beds and praying they don’t accidentally wet the bed before morning because we don’t want to wake them up to go potty.

Tres and Uno settled into their beds without event and Lizard was getting Dos out of the car seat.

As soon as the buckle un-clicked, her eyes popped wide open, dilated, and she said, “There’s a witch out there!”

It was an “I see dead people”-moment.

Earlier this evening we didn’t see dead people or witches but we did see a javelina. Maybe that’s what she was dreaming about, because she’s very worried about coyotes, javelina and their very pointy teeth.

Who knows.

Lizard reassured her there were no witches in our yard and tucked her into bed.

Which is where I’m headed right now.

See you tomorrow.

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