Stealing Faith

humor for relationships, family & life

Children Learn What They Live


Evans888 / stock.xchng

Evans888 / stock.xchng

A few days ago I was reminded of the poem, Children Learn What They Live.

 

Way back in the dark ages when I was a young tyke, my mom had this poem on my bedroom wall. It was a piece of paper glued to stained wood, covered in laminate. It had very 70s-ish illustrations, and I can remember reading the poem while curling my bangs and spraying them straight up before teasing them into a nice 1980s arch.

 

Oh, yes. The higher the bangs, the closer to God.

 

But to the point at hand… I’m grateful I knew this poem from a young age and admire my mom, an educator, for believing in this philosophy enough to introduce it.

 

Now, in a flashback from 1972, I give you… wisdom in the form of poetry:

 

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

 

All strength and courage to you as you explore your own parenting journey!

 

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Three Answers You Didn’t Need


Arizona Highways aren't always pretty.

Arizona Highways aren’t always pretty.

Oh, my dear friends! I have missed you!

 

Today is the first day I have felt normal in two weeks. That’s an eternity – and the longest I’ve gone without words brimming out of my fingertips onto the keyboard in almost three years! Thank you for your prayers and your patience.

 

Now, I have been, admittedly, in la-la flu land and thus have not kept up on current events. The only three headlines I can even begin to name from most recent time are 1) the Pope leaves office 2) a sink hole in Florida and 3) a highway in Arizona severed.

 

I don’t believe there is a connection between any of these stories, but I can offer a reason for them.

 

First, the Pope must have realized he was interested in a retirement that didn’t involve people slobbering on his hand. I am not Catholic, although there are many things I like about the doctrine, minus the bits Dan Brown made up and the scandalous behavior of certain priests.

 

That being said, if I were ever the Pope I think the whole ring-kissing custom would have to go. I’m slightly OCD and germophobic. I don’t ever want to be close enough that I can feel your moist breath on any part of my body and spittle is a definite no-no. I think the Pope realized this, made up his other excuses, and is now looking forward to a retirement that doesn’t require vats of hand sanitizer.

 

Second, the sink hole in Florida. This is an obvious answer: alligators. Every one knows alligator roam all over the place in the land that should have been a swamp forever. If you can find an alligator in your swimming pool using your dog as an hors d’oeuvres, it’s quite clear alligators are behind the sinkhole that swallowed a bedroom and miscellaneous belongings and human life.

 

Alligators.

 

Finally, the highway that severed in Arizona. The simple solution to this conundrum? George Strait is actually a fortune teller with a future in ocean front property in Arizona. Think about it – a highway in the middle of nowhere severs and twists… this is proof the “Oh my goodness the Earth has split and it’s bloody hot here” fault is active and alive and about to release California to it’s new life as an independent island nation.

 

Aren’t you glad I have been able to come up with answers and commentary for these events? I bet you are! Do you have any other bits and pieces of news I can analyze from the last two weeks when I fell off the face of the Earth?

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Encouragement


Have you ever had one of those days? Are most of your days one of those days?!

 

A few days I asked friends for their “go-to” Scripture verses when they feel overwhelmed. They had so many to offer! I am not a graphic designer and this does not include all the wisdom they offered, but I’ve put together a page of encouragement.

 

Enjoy!

Encouragement Verses

 

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Gold Rush


Gold Rush / Discovery Channel

Gold Rush / Discovery Channel

We’re spending an exciting Friday night on the sofa catching up on TiVo. Gold Rush, Discovery Channel’s reality television show about Alaska gold miners, is up first in our line up.

 

I kept hearing snorts of disgust from the other inhabitant of the lounging device in our living room so I finally asked, “OK, give me five reason why Gold Rush is bugging you so much.”

 

Here is the response.

 

5 Reasons Why My Husband Thinks Gold Rush is Stupid

 

1. Todd.

 

2. Todd.

 

3. Todd.

 

4. Todd.

 

5. Todd.

 

And there you have it, folks. I know it may be hard to get a sense of Lizard’s feelings on this, but what he’s really trying to say us that he doubts Todd’s leadership.

 

Usually Lizard only talks to the t.v. when there’s a scandalous sports call, but tonight I hear muttering, snorts of disgust, and statements about idiocy. I can’t lie, it’s pretty funny.

 

Do you like Gold Rush? Does it irritate you? Why or why not?

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10 Spot Ramble: Sleep


nazreth / stock.xchng

nazreth / stock.xchng

Just about the time I finished poking around the internet and got ready to write for StealingFaith last night Bubby let loose a massive cough and expelled a significant amount of vomit onto my body and the sofa.

 

It was awesome. Within another 20 minutes he’d had three more exorcist like vomiting experiences and after a hurried discussion I took him to the Emergency Room.

 

He’s going to be fine, but has a virus and was dehydrated. Between the enjoyment of a midnight hospital run and trying to push fluids on a lethargic baby I got about 6.2 minutes of sleep last night. Which means today I’m so tired I am literally not able to process words people are speaking to me. It’s an unfortunate handicap.

 

While this is not good for my inter-personal communication skills, this is the recipe for a perfect storm of random facts about the goofy stuff that happens when you’re sleepy.

 

So, brought to you by the entrée of an ER visit with a side of vomit, here’s your 10 Spot Ramble: Sleep.

 

1. Humans are the only species that can choose sleep deprivation. Staying up late is not a choice for the rest of the animal kingdom; humans are the only ones who can deliberately override the drive to sleep. Staying up to finish a movie, pulling an all nighter to finish up a project, or even setting an alarm to get up in the morning are all cognitive decisions that other beings are unable to make. I don’t know if this reinforces the human’s place at the top of the food chain or is proof we will soon descend.

 

2. If you’re in the mountains, expect to suffer. The higher the altitude, the greater the sleep disruption. Generally, sleep disturbance becomes greater at altitudes of 13,200 feet or more. The disturbance is thought to be caused by diminished oxygen levels and accompanying changes in respiration, though most people adjust to new altitudes in approximately two to three weeks.

 

3. Married people sleep better. Divorced, widowed and separated people report more insomnia. This also makes me wonder if there really is something to the age-old instruction not to let the sun go down on a conflict.

 

4. Siesta! According to the results of National Sleep Foundation’s 2008 “Sleep in America” poll, a surprising 34 percent of respondents reported their employer allows them to nap during breaks and 16 percent provide a place to do so. These are the places you want to work!

 

5. Sleep is very, very sneaky. It is impossible to tell if someone is really awake without close medical supervision. People can take cat naps with their eyes open without even being aware of it. This explains my own ability to creep people out with my open, vacant, small pupiled eyes. I don’t know the power of a nap.

 

6. The baby is a killer. A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours of lost sleep for parents in the first year. That’s roughly one full month of lost sleep for the average person. I’ll be generous and assume a pregnancy loses half that amount of sleep. This means I’ve lost approximately six months of my life to the sneaky sleep suckers masquerading as my flesh and blood. Blood thirsty maggots! Even better, some studies suggest women need up to an hour’s extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men.

 

7. Why you dreamed you’re naked. REM dreams are characterized by bizarre plots, but non-REM dreams are repetitive and thought-like, with little imagery – obsessively returning to a suspicion you left your mobile phone somewhere or you’re giving the class president campaign speech in your knickers, for example. REM sleep occurs in bursts totaling about two hours a night, usually beginning about 90 minutes after falling asleep.

 

8. Pull out the floodlight. Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain’s sleep-wake clock. What I really want to know is how they even came up with the knee-back hypothesis to start with!

 

9. Watch out for alcohol. After five nights of partial sleep deprivation, three drinks will have the same effect on your body as six would when you’ve slept enough.

 

10. Daylight Savings stinks. I’ve always been suspicious of Daylight Savings Time and now I have another irritation: The extra hour of sleep received when clocks are turned back at the end of daylight saving time has been found to coincide with a fall in the number of road accidents.

 

The kicker of all the random facts I discovered is this:

The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses.

I can’t even begin to imagine the cutthroat competition at the rocking chair marathon! The potential for smashed toes, inner ear turmoil, and hernia creation! Who does that???

 

On a related note, I would love to hear some Ambien stories. Several friends have shared hysterical stories from when they took Ambien – do you have one to share?

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Peanut Butter Purist


Cuisipro Peanut Butter and Jelly Spreader

Cuisipro Peanut Butter and Jelly Spreader

Someone, please tell me I’m not the only one who cringes inside when I see peanut butter in the jelly jar!

 

I know I’m supposed to be fostering independent life skills in my kids, but the truth of the matter is I can’t stand the mess. This is a problem I don’t know how to solve.

 

When they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I find peanut butter mixed in with the purple-y goodness of the Welch’s grape. I find myself fishing for peanut butter with a spoon in 12 seconds, flat.

 

I was really disturbed by this issue (apparently I have a lot of free time on my hands and emotional energy to spare) so I did a Google search of “peanut butter in the jelly jar.” I got a good giggle out of this Yahoo answers thread:

“Q: Is selling peanut butter and jelly in the same jar immoral? I saw this thing called Goober at the store today and it’s peanut butter and jelly together mixed up in a can. I thought that God wanted us to work for our food, not have it pre-made together in that way. Is Goober immoral or can I eat it and not go to confession?

A: It’s called Goober, that should answer your question. Eat it and go to hell with the rest of us while you enjoy the “oh so delicious” peanut-buttery & jelly sin.”

 

I agree the mixture isn’t immoral, but it is extraordinarily frustrating for the purists in the world.

 

While I was Googling my elitist peanut butter and jelly questions I came across a new invention: The Cuisipro Peanut Butter and Jelly Spreader. This may very well be the answer to life’s problems, up to and including world peace!

 

The Peanut Butter and Jelly Spreader has two color-coded non-stick silicone ends that allow for easy spreading of the peanut butter and jelly. The brown end is for the peanut butter and after you spread that layer on the bread, simply flip it over and now use the purple side to spread the jelly. The tips have soft smooth edges and won’t tear or damage the bread during the spreading phase.

 

Besides the fact it looks vaguely like a pregnancy test, I’m on board with the separated spreader and I’d like to request one for my birthday, please!

 

Just in case you’re rolling your eyes over my obsession with the minuscule, I do realize the course of history will not be changed by condiment fraternization.

 

Do you have any silly pet peeves?

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

The Next Right Thing


rabbitI’ve had a pregnant rabbit living in my kitchen and we now have 8 little babies in there, too. It’s been so exciting I can’t manage to do much besides think about rabbits!

 

The mother is a first time mama, which can be a very stressful time for a rabbit. Many first time moms will make rookie mistakes that can cost the lives of the entire litter. This particular rabbit is doing amazing things, however, and I have high hopes for her maternal instinct!

 

I’ve been watching this mama rabbit closely since she’s been underfoot. She seems to take everything in stride and emanates a sense of calm.

 

In contrast, I have another doe about to give birth who is quite possibly psychotic. When I open the door to her cage she charges me, does twists and flips, and if I haven’t gotten out by then, will go to the back of the cage and just hop up and down. A friend calls this behavior the “bunny blender.”

 

I actually identify with both of these rabbits on some level. A year ago I was the bunny blender rabbit; easily upset, confused on all levels, and sometimes hopping mad.

 

Nowadays I think I relate to our more maternal doe; I’m more likely to let things go than I used to be. I still get upset and have my moments (occasionally several an hour!) but in general I am more pleasant.

 

What’s the key to this change? Well, a lot of things… and a lot of hard work sorting out emotions and actions, etc. But the biggest thing that has changed me?

 

Doing the next right thing.

 

It’s very simple. Whenever I start getting completely overwhelmed I stop, breath, and just do the next right thing.

 

I can figure out what the correct answer is for my life for the next five minutes or day… I often struggle when I try to come up with my five year plan! Focusing on the macro in times of stress can augment my tension. Stepping back and looking at the micro closely enough to see the next step needed – it helps me relax and laugh a little more.

 

It’s a simple strategy, but if you’re in a stressful situation give it a try.

 

What’s your next right thing?

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

10 Spot Ramble: Road Trips


drniels / stock.xchng

drniels / stock.xchng

We hit the road this afternoon to make a rabbit trade.

 

I love road trips.

 

I love the rabbits.

 

This is a match made in heaven. Maybe you love road trips as well? (I won’t ask anyone to join me on the rabbit obsession just yet.) Let these random facts cement your love of wide open spaces:

 

1. Families spend an average of 10 hours packing for road trips; parents spend 21 per cent longer packing for a road trip than adults without children. We do not match the statistic as a family, we’ve been known to be actually in the car and decide to take a several hour detour. However, it is absolutely true it takes us longer to pack for a road trip now that we have the minions! Somehow needing a well-stocked diaper bag becomes important!

 

2. Seventy-nine per cent of families with children go on two or more road trips each year, which means parents take an average of 36 per cent more trips annually than adults without children. The only way I see this as true is if you consider all the trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Otherwise, single people must certainly travel more!

 

3. The two most-forgotten items when preparing for a road trip are cameras/videos (25 per cent) and toothbrush/toiletries (21 per cent). I live with the philosophy most everything you really need can be purchased on the fly. Toothbrushes, no problem – they’re even complimentary in hotels that offer air conditioning and clean sheets. The camera… little more difficult to come by…

 

4. Hitchhiking while holding an axe is not effective. Does this really need any more explanation?

 

5. Approximately 64% of people calculate fuel costs before leaving home. When we were regularly going back and forth across the country I could tell you to the mile what our odometer would read when we got home. These days, I don’t have a clue… my, doesn’t life change?

 

6. Interstates have an official name: “Dwight D. Eisenhower National System of Interstate and Defense Highways.” I find this fascinating! I also think it’s interesting the name “Dwight” has been repopularized thanks to the Office. That’s all.

 

7. Texas has the most interstate miles with 17 routes, totaling 3,233.45 miles. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including their roads. This number also means if you were to drive every inch of Texas interstate roads at 70 mph it would take you 46.19 hours. I bet your bum would be sore.

 

8. Best road trip interstate is I-95. the North/South I-95 covers 16 states (including Washington D.C.): Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Washington D.C., Maryland, Delaware, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maine.

 

9. Dwight’s Interstate plan was logical. There’s a rhyme and reason to our country’s interstate system: Even Numbers travel east-west (I-4, I-8, I-10, I-12, etc.), Odd Numbers travel north-south (I-5, I-15, I-17, I-19, etc.). Also, routes ending in “0″ are major east-west routes (I-10, I-20, I-40, I-70, I-80, I-90, while routes ending in “5″ are major north-south routes (I-5, I-15, I-25, I-35, I-55, I-65, I-75, I-85, I-95).

 

10. You may have been fooled by the Interstates. It is not true that one mile of every five miles of Interstate highway must be straight enough to allow planes to land on it. This is an urban legend. This makes me sad an relieved all at the same time. I’ve always been concerned a plan would run me down while driving. Now, I can let that fear go.

 

That’s all from me tonight – do you have your own road trip trivia? Share it in the comments! In the meantime, Happy Trails to You!

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Guns and Frying Pans


frying-pans-who-knew-funny-tangled-quotesToday the Illinois Senate is debating whether to pass a ban on assault rifles and many other assault weapons. It’s early in the day and no one is exactly sure how the vote will turn out.

 

While they’re at it, I believe they should consider banning all frying pans, particularly any made of cast iron. Anyone who has seen the movie Tangled can tell you the frying pan is a force to be reckoned with, so much that entire armies could be provided the pan for its multipurpose uses as weapon and tasty kitchen tool. Viola!

 

I don’t mean to be flippant – well, maybe I do to try to inject some humor into an admittedly touchy subject – but the push to ban firearms drives me bonkers.

 

Guns are a tool, capable of many uses, and only made into weapons by people who only desire to cause harm (anything can be made to be a weapon):

  • keeping a family from starvation. Did anyone see Hunger Games?
  • protection from wildlife. I realize this isn’t as compelling for the city dwellers, but I live in an area where mountain lions still roam. As a child we had bobcats eating our livestock!
  • protecting a home you bought and cared for from invasion. Have you seen this video on Australia and how home invasion crime has gone up from zero to 20+% since the gun ban?
  • killing. All of us are sickened by the attacks against innocents in recent times. There is no doubt that sick, sick people seeking fame and destruction are loose in this world.
  • saving innocent lives. The same week as Sandy Hook, an armed man in an Oregon Mall is believed to have stopped a shooting spree by standing up to the shooter with his own weapon. Israeli school children are guarded day in and day out by teachers carrying assault rifles. Guns can offer good to humanity.

 

The argument can be made against specific types of guns and people I respect so very much are making them. People are hurting, people are appalled, and rightfully so.

 

But let’s follow this desire to ban guns out a little bit.

 

America is currently a well-armed nation. I saw statistics that the number of hunting licenses issued in the state of Wisconsin outnumber the largest armies in the world. There are also very few gun-related injuries for all of these hunters because they have been trained to know and respect these tools. The knowledge that there’s likely going to be a resistance on American soil, is a valid reason enemy invasions have not occurred.

 

Speaking of international action, the United States has already supplied half of the world with assault weapons. Are we really going to keep our own citizens from being able to compete? Does anyone remember the Iran Contra affair? Guns don’t last as briefly as memories – watching any of our reality gun shows tells us there are still functioning pieces around from 100+ years ago!

 

The 2nd Amendment is in the Constitution for a purpose. Take a look back at history and realize an unarmed populace is one with no ability to enforce democracy. It is a people completely at the whim of whomever has enough money to buy votes, buy their own weapons, and push their own agenda. Our Founding Fathers, who were much closer to war than we are (with our wars fought on foreign soil for generations) believed passionately in the need for this security. Why not listen?

 

Thomas Jefferson, a dude pretty well regarded by history, said, “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.” He meant this not only in regard to foreign powers, but also to in response to American despots. “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  I’d prefer no one have absolute power so there is always a voice for the unliked, extreme, and outrageous.

 

The extreme, and outrageous are typically where utter genius comes from in the fields of human development. People tried to kill Galileo for saying the Earth wasn’t the center of the universe.

 

 

For what it’s worth, I believe guns can be used to enact pure evil. I am sickened and have lost sleep over the loss of lives just like anyone else. I am angry and I think these people who used guns to kill innocents deserve eternal consequences for their actions.

 

Yet my response isn’t a knee jerk reaction to make someone else take care of it; to make a law taking the tools used to do wrong all away.

 

I hope you’ll consider a different action as well.

 

Start in your home. Teach your children to value life. Remove violent video games from your household, remove violent video games from your own gaming time. Don’t practice to kill people in pretend – you’re preparing the pathway to devalue humanity in real life.

 

Start in your community. Several towns and cities have started the Character Counts curriculum in their streets. I love it! You see signs that define “character,” “compassion,” “sharing” and even if you roll your eyes, the ideas stick a little. Some people embrace them. It’s worth talking about.

 

Get involved in your state. Look around at the areas that are meth capitals, where poor is not only a condition but an attitude. Find out how to help. If there aren’t already resources in place via churches or community outreach, start them. Get involved.

 

Behave well. When you’re in the store and you see someone being a dork, don’t give them the stink eye. Don’t be the anonymous community member who gives someone else a reason to hold a grudge or feel the world is against them. Be part of a solution.

 

Illinois is making a decision today that may or may not change state law. You have a decision today to literally change your community. If enough people get involved, if enough people set the bar higher on how we treat one another, if you and your friends and your community start the roll… what will happen?

 

Can you see the vision?

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Life is Fragile


antkevyy / stock.xchng

antkevyy / stock.xchng

“Life is fragile.”

 

I will never forget the day my boss said those words. She sat behind her desk while the rest of the Student Life staff crowded in her office, trying to comprehend the death of one of our college students. He had just died of appendicitis after self-medicating with marijuana.

 

Her skin was the color of maple syrup and her brown eyes were moist. She picked up a tub of lotion from her desk and methodically rubbed the creme into her wrinkled hands.

 

“Life is fragile,” she repeated. “All of you, you’re too young to see that. These kids…” she gestured out the window toward the rest of the campus, “these kids don’t realize… life… life is fragile. We’re just a dust.” Her fingers left off rubbing the lotion in and flickered through the air.

 

We listened, in shock. Her words that afternoon have haunted me as some of the most wise I have ever heard.

 

Life. Life is fragile. Humans are just a dust, a bag of moist organs held together by a thin layer of skin. It’s a wonder any of us survive at all.

 

I don’t want to accept this truth. I want to be invincible.

 

I drive my car at 85 mph, staunchly refusing to acknowledge a single blown tire or rock kicked into the windshield might result in the loss of my life in a moment. I watch my children dare, shielding my mind from the reality a simple misstep on a piece of playground equipment could result in their death.

 

Danger? Ha, ha! I laugh in the face of danger!

 

Every day I hide from the knowledge I am in situations that could end dramatically, horrifically wrong. That burner that’s not completely cooled before I unconsciously put a dish towel on the glass top of my stove top… not really paying attention to which bottle I grab to medicate my headache… the patch of ice outside my vehicle door that blends into the ground but could cause a fall and a nasty bash to the head.

 

Life is fragile. But by the daily grace of God, I would be the story above the top fold of the newspaper. Life is fragile.

 

Violent events reach through our illusions of security and grab us around the neck with their clawed hands of fear. Nonstop news coverage both sensationalizes and desensitizes us.

 

Oh, how we want to make sense of tragedy. Oh! We want to blame something for the inexplicable! It’s mental health! It’s gun control! It’s parenting! It’s self-esteem! It’s sin! It’s… it’s… it’s… it’s…

 

… it’s life.

 

Life is a delicate dance that flirts with danger and safety, joy and sorrow, birth and death. To have only one aspect robs the entirety of living.

 

Four days ago an unthinkably evil event shook our reality. It broke through my illusion that I am invincible. I am angry about that! I am sad about that! I am scared about that!

 

But nothing has really changed. Because in the end, every day, all life is fragile. It’s my job to be sure I’m prepared at a moment’s notice to confront that reality… because but by the grace of God… it’s me.

 

My life.

 

My children.

 

My husband.

 

My family.

 

My friends.

 

My community.

 

It’s me. Life is fragile.

 

I must be ready. Are you?

 

 

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

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