Funniest Status Updates

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About ten months ago a Facebook friend wrote a status update that made me laugh so hard I was in danger of incontinence:

“I’m sitting in the car waiting for [my husband] to return a Redbox. The guy in the car next to me just sneezed so hard his face hit the steering wheel and honked his horn. So glad I didn’t go inside this time!” (my paraphrase)

To this day, whenever I’m having a down moment, I think about how funny it would be to see someone honk their car horn with their noggin because of the power of their sneeze.

I’m sympathetic, you see, because I sneeze like a Howitzer machine gun. I’ve popped my back on several occasions when a sneaky sneeze slips out.

Tonight I was thinking my funny thoughts and remembered that status update. It made me wonder what other status updates are out there that could share hilarity with the general populace. So I enlisted The Google and… here you have it!

(You can thank me in the comments!)

1. “FYI: “Thrifting” auto-corrects to “thrusting.” You know, just in case you wanted to thank a friend for a successful night of thrift shopping via text message. You’re welcome for the heads up.”

2. If you’re on the treadmill next to me, the answer is “Yes. We are racing.”

3. “I like sleeping it’s like death without commitment.”

4. “Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.”

5. “Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they’re telling me that I’m doing a great job driving.” (Funny thing, this is honestly what Uno believed for a long time! We discovered it on a road trip!)

6. “I just read through my Facebook feed… A moment of silence for proper spelling and grammar. RIP.”

7. “Just high fived that wall with my face.”

8. ““Be strong.” I whispered to my wifi signal.”

9. “I put a potato on my shoulder cuz a chip just wasn’t enough.”

10. “I’m not crying. I’m washing my face like a caveman.”

11. “I’m throwing my phone down the toilet now. I know it’s going to happen, so I might as well decide when.”

12. “I can’t even imagine the self-control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.”

13. “Good morning. I see the assassins have failed.”

14. “What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?”

15. “Having a 14-year-old has made me realize why some species eat their young.”

16. “Getting Lasik done this morning. If my next post is in braille, you’ll know it didn’t go well.”

17. “I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ I click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.”

18. “Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy.””

19. “A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the cursor.”

20. “Uno just asked me: “Why does my poop not stink to me but it stinks to you?” I have no answer for that.”

Now, what are the funniest status updates you’ve ever read? Tell us in the comments!

This post was originally published September 21, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

How to be a Super Hero

Are You Incredible?

In the last week I’ve had four different, unrelated people tell me something along the lines of, “I just don’t know how you do it all!”

 

(I suspect by “all” they’re talking about working full-time from home, homeschooling, blogging, etc. They probably include the fact we have three kids aged 6 and under and one on the way, but I don’t know that being able to procreate is something I’ve got an exclusive “lock” on as that’s a basic ability to most organisms.)

 

One of these people even accused me of wearing a super hero cape.

 

When any topic or phrase crosses my line of vision more than three times, I file it away as a potential blog post. This one is uncomfortable, because it could be really easy to sound arrogant and like I have life figured out… which is not the case at all. I’ll ask for forgiveness in advance.

 

Just in case you’re wondering how I do it all, here’s how I’ve achieved my “super hero” status:

 

I have an amazing husband. Truly. Our marriage has ups and downs and is not without occasional significant conflict, but when it came to sharing my life with someone who inspires me… I lucked out. Lizard does practical things like dress the girls almost every day, unplug the toilet, and tell me he likes my (often questionable) cooking. He also does big picture, genuinely kind things like tell me I’m a good writer, talk me up in front of others, protect me from stressful situations, and selflessly consider the needs of our family. I hit the jackpot when we met and fell in love.

 

I try not to worry about fitting in. I’ve always been the weird kid. I have scoliosis (my spine is shaped like an “S”) and I had to wear a back brace from neck to hip to treat the condition from 5th grade to my junior year of high school. While other kids weren’t often mean to me about it, there’s no denying my childhood was influenced and my aspirations were independent of most peer relationships. I spent a lot of time reading adventure books and imagining I could conquer the world. Giving up in the face of adversity was never an acceptable option.

 

There’s a decent chance I was born with more restless ambition than most. Depending on the personality test I’m a choleric, ENFP, virgo, beaver, etc… whatever test I take I come out “bossy.” My natural instincts are to take charge, analyze tricky, complicated situations, see the solutions, and get other people organized to fix it. I’m not emotional or nurturing, but I am incredibly task and action-oriented.

But here’s the Achilles Heel of being a Super Hero:

 

As a perfectionistic achiever, I fail my expectations on a daily, sometimes moment-by-moment basis. I lose my patience, rarely hit the domestic nail on the head, undervalue my husband, regret not spending time listening to the hearts of my children, wish I showered more frequently, and am a terrible dog owner because I won’t groom those (literally) stinkin’ puddles. Most days I wear a dunce cap more comfortably and graciously than a super hero cape. Really.

 

And yet, amazingly, stunningly, some people think I do it all.

 

(My best guess is they’ve been licking toads and getting high in their free time.)

 

You want to know the truth about being “Super”?

 

Every single person who told me they’re shocked I do what I do… well, I can’t figure out how they do what they do! They’re super heroes in my eyes! (I’m not just saying that. I’m really in awe.)

 

It makes me think, to be a super hero, to do it all, you simply do the work that’s in front of you utilizing the gifts and talents you already possess.

 

True, you pick up additional skill sets along the way that make you more successful — special powers! — but from the get-go, you already have everything you need to be effective.

 

Everything. Just show up to do your work.

 

For some people it’s rocket science or trash collection. For others it’s domestic genius or organizing class field trips.

 

Some women are clocked to work out of the home 40+ hours a week and they change the world. Some are gifted to raise children and find wholehearted happiness and success.

 

Some have strings of activities and accomplishments after their names. Others have families rise up and call them blessed.

 

The key to being a super hero is to A) recognize capes look different on different people and B) put the cape on each morning when it would be easier to go back to sleep.

 

My bet is you’re wearing a cape right now, even if you haven’t noticed. Hats off to you.

 

What do you think is the key to being a Super Hero?

 

*If you like this post, would you please share it with your “tribe” via email, facebook, twitter, etc.?*

 

This post was originally published June 9, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

8 Reasons I Pray for My Children

A few weeks ago a friend gave me this nifty page with suggestions of how to pray for my children daily.

 

Oh heavens, do I need to pray for them on a daily basis. Mostly that I won’t string them up by their toenails.

 

While I actually love the page itself and would highly recommend it to anyone so inclined, I thought it would be fun to take a few of the virtues and mention, with trademark sarcasm, why it’s important I pray for this quality in the hoodlums.

 

1. Self-control. Remember the time Dos slid her fingers through the arm hair of a practical stranger? Yes? Well, if anyone needs self-control it’s this girl. I was foolish enough to venture into the mall with my brood today in search of a gray shirt. I turned my back, next thing I know, Dos is in the store front window, running her hands up and down the mannequin’s legs. Self-control? Needed.

 

2. Justice. There is nothing so well-developed as a sense of justice in a six-year-old. Uno collapsed into tears a few days ago because Dos got a larger piece of gum. It was a Chiclet – I’m confident it’s impossible for those to be irregularly sized because they’re all coming out of a factory that uses scraps of gingham to size their product. My opinion doesn’t matter, however. Justice must be maintained.

 

3. Mercy. Just this evening Tres took her father’s slipper from his foot and slammed it down on Uno’s head. Why, we don’t know. But until Uno learns to holler, “Uncle!” I’m guessing I’ll be praying for mercy for the two-year-old.

 

4. Courage. My children watched me butcher a chicken. They touch friendly snakes without fear. All have been known to practice their gymnastics on the steel handrail affixed three feet above our cement sidewalk. I pray their courage is tempered so they don’t end up dead one day from foolhardiness!

 

5. Purity. Some families might see the word “purity” and equate it with chastity and such. Not us. I’m considering purity from the germ standpoint. On any given day our children run around barefoot, feet sporting the dirt-encrusted line of a flip flop sandal. Dear Lord, please keep them from foot and mouth disease, stepping on earthworms, and stealthily-hidden shards of glass.

 

6. Humility. I suppose I should be grateful my children are secure in their affections, but it’s disconcerting to have the following conversation with your kid: “Sweetie, you know I love you, right? No matter what.” “Yeah. I know.” It’s never crossed their minds they might need to practice a smidgen of humility.

 

7. Perseverance. Nothing says you’ve got a child with stick-to-it-ness than a horse-obsessed six-year-old with a piece of rope. That child can turn anything into a horsey item. The walker doubles as a horse and a horse-mounting step stool. Every spare bit of time becomes the stage for a quick horse race. The kid is horse crazy and willing to do anything to work horses into everyday life.

 

8. Peace-Loving. Dos can screech like a hoot owl. How would I know this? She was NOT demonstrating her peace-loving nature. Instead she was sitting in the Barbie Jeep with her sister, screaming, because Tres wouldn’t remove her foot from the pedal. Did I mention the Jeep was moving with nary a hand on the steering wheel? Peace. It’s another quality we find lacking on a daily basis.

 

There are certainly other qualities we need in our house, these are a few that stand out.

 

As you check out this graphic, what qualities do you think your children need the most?

 

This post was originally published September 26, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

10 Tips For Marrying The Wrong Person

Runaway Bride
Runaway Bride

Here we are, in the final installment of You Married the Wrong One, this time taking a sharp look at how to choose the best one out of all the wrong ones out there.

 

Confused yet?

 

The sad but true fact is you will marry someone who will exasperate you, hurt you, and make you angry. They will be lazy, depressed, self-centered, annoying, foolish and stinky on occasion.

 

This Is True.

 

BUT, you will also marry someone who will make you laugh, be fun to be around, and fill your life with a greater richness.

 

Now that sounds good, doesn’t it?

 

How do you make the right choice for the one who will bring you more joy than heartache? I’ve already covered finding someone you love rather than lust for, but I have a little more to add.

 

Just say No.

 

Nope, it’s not just a slogan from the ’80s and my beloved Nancy Reagan, it’s a real phrase we should all be using regularly but especially when it comes for our search for The One.

 

The authors of a book I haven’t read, How To Marry The Wrong Guy: A Guide For Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life, were quoted in an article I did read that they discovered three out of ten divorced people will admit they knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle.

 

According to the authors most women (and men) who want to cancel their weddings don’t.

 

“I couldn’t believe how many people confessed that they knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle,” says author Anne Milford. “I had people of all ages tell me this over and over again. They’ve said ‘I do’ — when they really wanted to scream ‘I don’t’.”

 

This may sound melodramatic except it resonates with me very strongly.

 

Because before I met my true love I was engaged to another man. *gasp*

 

I am a woman of broken betrothal.

 

He was a great guy, now married to someone else and doing lovely things with his life. And there was nothing wrong with our relationship.

 

My logic told me to marry him, as we had dated for a year, were planning to be engaged for a year and then get married. We followed the expected formula for a relationship. There were no issues. He was great.

 

But when he asked me to marry him in a terribly romantic proposal with a terribly large diamond ring… my inside was saying, “No!” while my mouth was saying, “Yes!”

 

I was the woman who couldn’t say, “No.”

 

We were engaged for several months before I called it off. I still hate that I hurt him so badly, because there was no reason I could give him for breaking the engagement except, “It just isn’t right.”

 

Which is a pretty poor reason, all things considered.

 

(Who’s the jerk? “I am! I am! I was a jerk even before I knew him, me! Me! Me!”)

 

But after I met Lizard… I knew why my gut had said “no.” It was because I hadn’t met my “yes” yet.

 

That experience cemented my belief in breaking off a relationship even if it doesn’t make “sense” when the base-level feeling isn’t, “Yes!”

 

Some more guidelines to choosing your special someone, the one you’d rather fight with than anyone else:

 

Don’t Pick Someone…

 

1. You expect will change or mature out of bad behaviors after you’re married.
2. Who makes your heart go pitter-patter when your brain isn’t engaged as well.
3. Without the same spiritual and life goals.
4. Because you had sex with them.
5. You don’t honestly admire. Their influence should make you want to be a better version of yourself.
6. You can’t be open and honest with.
7. Because you’re running from your own personal trash pile.
8. Because you’re afraid of being alone.
9. Because they’re the only one who’s ever wanted you and there may not be anyone else wanting you. Ever.
10. To make your family or friends happy. 

 

Got that? JUST SAY NO!!!

 

I expect by tomorrow I’ll be back in the saddle again with my quirky take on exciting things like laundry, parenting, and the joys of garage sales. In the meantime, let me know what you think of this One That Got Away/Wrong Person series. And… give me your own submissions for the worst story lines ever!

 

This post was originally published October 1, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

How To Get Married In Six Months Or Less

Daniel.Lee / compfight.com

StealingFaith has grown so much over the last year many of you have probably never read some of the earlier posts. And tonight I had to giggle when thinking back to the early days of our move…

 

So, for your reading pleasure, please enjoy the story of how getting married in six months or less became part of our family culture. May your smile be sweet and your dating relationships short.

 

How To Get Married In Six Months Or Less

 

Today is my parent’s 43rd wedding anniversary.

 

Lizard and I will have our 7th wedding anniversary in a month.

 

After an exhausting search of Wikipedia and Google I’ve learned if I add our respective years of marriage together that means this little snippet holds the wisdom of 50 years of wedded bliss and that, mon amie, makes this post golden, I tell you, golden.

 

Much to my dismay I also discovered that on our own, Lizard and I are traditionally only worth wool and copper this anniversary (my folks are in the Ruby region).

 

Back to the story.

 

Both my parents and yours truly met and married our spouses within six months.  (To make things even a little more mind blowing, Lizard’s parents and grandparents as well as my sister and brother-in-law met and married within six months as well.  We all know how to move quickly when we find the one who makes our hearts go pitter-pat.)

 

In honor of my parents and because I just feel like it, I’ve created a list of the five things you shouldn’t do on a first date unless you want to get married in six months.

 

(It’s a list as inexplicable as voodoo and as charming as the Easter Bunny.)

 

Here goes:

 

1. Catapult dish candies across the living room. When my dad arrived to pick my mom up for their blind date she asked him to wait while she finished getting ready.  In the short moments available to him while he waited the candy dish on the living room table called his name.  He reached for some and in a tragic fumble launched the candy dish across the room where it hit the wall and scattered M&M’s throughout the realm.  My mom arrived in the living room to find my dad on his hands and knees with fistfuls of colorful chocolate.  Great first impression.

 

2.  Respond to a question about where you went to college with a detailed account of each person you remember with fondness. On our first date that wasn’t a date (we didn’t actually date until we were engaged.  Long story for another time.) I innocently asked Lizard about his college experience.  He responded with extensive details about the lives of each of his friends.  I didn’t have to do anything but say, “Uh-huh.  Really?” for one and a half hours.

 

3.  Violate the bubble of personal space of your date. After my dad returned the candy dish to the table he and my mom drove to dinner in a Volkswagon Bug.  Just a few weeks before my dad had totalled another bug in a rollover accident.  He walked away unharmed because he was wearing his seatbelt.  My mom didn’t buckle her seat belt when she got in the car (it was 1968, strapping yourself to moving metal as a safety mechanism wasn’t a wide-spread philosophy!) and my dad unthinkingly decided to buckle her in.  With no explanation whatsoever my mom’s date lunged across the car at her and began pawing at her rumpus area.  She found it rather disconcerting while my dad viewed his actions as protective.  This is why Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

 

4.  Launch into a man-hating feminist diatribe. Lizard and I watched the movie Mona Lisa Smile on our first date that was not a date.  During the hour and a half drive home I railed against the sexist mentality of higher education and the men who refused to allow women to excel using their God-given talents both inside – and outside – of the home.  Lizard was mostly silent. I was full of outrage.  For one and a half hours.  It was awkward.

 

5. Tell your date you’re sure they’d have more fun without you and you want to go home. My mom doesn’t drink alcohol.  When she and my dad met the man who set them up on the blind date they discovered him liquored up in the bar because he’d gotten in a fight with his wife and arrived early.  He suggested they all get a drink before dinner.  And during dinner.  And after dinner.  And then that they go to a new dance club that was all the rage.  My mom looked at my dad and said, “It’s obvious you want a girl who drinks and parties and I’m not the kind of girl.  So please take me home now and you can go out and find a date who suits your interests for the rest of your evening.”  He took her home.  And proposed four weeks later.

 

(Funny story, my dad recently confessed to my sister that he thinks my mom was on her best behavior during their courtship.  Just imagine their wedded bliss.)

 

There are my five recommendations for actions to take if you’re trying to get married within six months.  Do you have any stories of dates gone horribly awry that lead to lasting love?

 

This post was originally published February 20, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

You Married the Wrong One. For Real.

Showcase_01Two years ago I fell in love with a purse.

 

I can’t describe what made this purse so incredibly wonderful, but it was. It was everything I had ever wanted in a purse but the price tag… oh the price tag was right up there with getting a root canal and I was not going to pay it.

 

So I didn’t. It was the one that got away.

 

Funny thing, even though I made a choice to let that purse go, every time Iwalk into the purse section of a store I think about the purse that got away.

 

Yesterday I took a few minutes to walk through the purse section at a store and thought again about the purse. Come on! How many times do I need to worry about a purse?!

 

For some reason all this purse distraction made me think about the concept of “the one that got away.”

 

Whether it’s the big fish that broke the line, the old flame who captivates our fantasy, or the chance you had to invest in Apple before it was, well, Apple, we all have stories about the one that got away.

 

The most debilitating “one who got away” is when you believe you missed out on the true love of your life.

 

At some point most people will wake up in their marriage and think, “I’m so tired of seeing how different I am from them in X, Y, and Z. I married the wrong person.”

 

So what do you do then?

 

I have some news to impart that may surprise you.

 

You DID marry the wrong person.

 

“But, how can this be?! You, you who post things about how much you love your husband, how can you say you married the wrong person?!”

 

And you would be right. I do love my husband. But he’s still the wrong person. And I’m the wrong person for him.

 

We are full of awful traits. Not just the silly stuff like getting on each other’s nerves.

 

We are wrong. Just wrong.

 

That doesn’t mean we pack up camp and try a new campsite. In fact, just the opposite.

 

The key is our love for each other and for God helps us choose on a daily basis to become Right.

 

If you had married the one who got away I guarantee you would not have the problems you see in your current relationship.

 

Nope. Not those problems.

 

But you’d have other ones, problems you can’t even suspect right now because you aren’t living in close proximity to that special someone who occupies your thoughts on occasion.

 

Because we’re all the wrong person.

 

What do you think about this idea? I’d love to hear! Does it bring up more questions for you?

 

This post was originally published September 11, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

5 Tips for the New Blogger

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A friend started a new blog and asked for some insight into how StealingFaith works for me.

 

I have written about the process of blogging before, but I have more to say! (Me, have more to say? Unbelievable!)

 

Her questions: “Can you give me some of your favorite blogs you like to read? How do you know what to write about or come up with some of your great posts?”

 

(“Great” was her real word. Yes, I swelled with pride.)

 

(Notice she asked two questions and I responded with 600 words. Sigh. She’ll never ask me another question again.)

 

My answer:

 

1. Who to Follow. I find the blogs by following other people’s recommendations or looking through facebook links. Sometimes I follow for a while, a few I love forever. Most bloggers will have a “blogroll” that lists their favorite bloggers, and Circle of Moms recently published the Top 25 Funny Mom Blogs so I have a few new ones from there. (My blogroll for StealingFaith is up on the header – enjoy!) Most of the ones I follow religiously have modest followings. There are some “megablogs” out there that I get a giggle out of but don’t follow regularly, like Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, Scary Mommy, Rants from Mommyland, Momastry, and such.

 

2. How To Get Readers. The best way to get readers is to publicize your blog through your current platform (facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, StumbleUpon, Pinterest, etc.), friends, and family, and ask them to share with their “tribe.” It’s network marketing at its best!

 

Another way to expand your circle of influence is to comment on other blogs in a “meaty” way. A comment like “good post!” gets a C for effort, yet a comment that continues the post “conversation” is much more likely to get the attention of the author and any random reader to click through to YOUR blog and read your writing.

 

Also, link, link, link. Bloggers tend to be a generous community, so linking to any posts you find useful, funny, or noteworthy is a good way to spread the blogging joy.

 

3. Define YOUR Success. Decide what your hopes are for your blog. Be realistic. There’s no “right” or “wrong” goal because it’s all about your perspective. For me, instead of focussing on the numbers of viewers, I need to spend time thinking about whether what I’m writing is useful to the reader… for a laugh, for insight, or for life function. The reader is my boss.

 

4. What To Write. I fly by the seat of my pants! When I get ready to post I sit down and think about what has happened that day. I’ve gotten comments from readers that they like stories of the kids and dogs best, so I usually search for ideas in those topics first. (Yesterday that meant I wrote about the dirty underbelly of pregnancy!) If that draws a blank, I cruise facebook, news feeds, Pinterest, and try to find something that strikes my fancy. Then I build a post.

 

I spend anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and a half on StealingFaith each night. Some days I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO WRITE, RIGHT NOW!!!! Others… Take…. Time…. And… It… Is… Painfully… Slow.

 

There are bloggers who plan their posts out weeks in advance (people like Michael Hyatt and Confessions of a Homeschooler are two examples I can think of off the top of my head.) If you’re a planner, I just saw a cool set of blog planning calendars you can print for free here. It’s very pretty, and that makes me happy.

 

5. When to Write. Decide how frequently you’re going to post. Anything from once a day to once a week is good for growing a blog. (Tom Basson posts once a week. Every time he posts it’s good stuff, so he’s building trust and loyalty from his readers with his writing.)

 

Just make sure you’re up for the challenge of consistency. Readers will hit your blog and check your publish dates. If they see a consistent pattern they’ll have confidence in coming back. Whatever you decide, just stick to it!

 

Final Thought: Don’t give up. It’s easy to feel like you’re churning out words and no one is listening, especially when you don’t get comments. But keep practicing your writing, stick with the schedule, and don’t stop. Jon Acuff writes about how his first blog was a failure – but provided the training ground he needed to become successful with Stuff Christians Like. Tentblogger put out a post this week about sticking with a blog up to — and through — the critical mass of readership. Two GREAT examples of why you “just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Go read them!

 

Do you have any advice that has served you well in the blogging/writing world? Do you agree or disagree with any of these points? I’d love to hear it in the comments!

 

*If you like this post, would you please share it with your “tribe” via email, facebook, twitter, etc.?*

 

This post was originally published April 27, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

How to Make a Decision

Julia Manzerova / compfight.com

A little while ago I had someone share a Texas saying with me:

 

“If you spend too much time with one foot in your past and the other foot in your future, you’re effectively pooping on your present.”

 

I’ve been mulling this over. It remind me of another phrase I think I picked up from a Po’ Folks restaurant menu: “If you ride the fence, you’re bound to get some splinters.”

 

My world is very action oriented. (Even when I want it to slow down to a turtle’s pace!) Both these phrases stick with me because they’re motivating, the message is for movement:

 

Take hold of today with both hands and experience it! Come to grips with who you are and decide which hills you’re willing to die upon!

 

I want to encourage you to consider your own life.

 

Are you inadvertently “pooping”on something valuable today because you’re reminiscing about yesterday or daydreaming about tomorrow? Is there a decision you know you should be making but have pushed off?

 

If you answer is “yes” to either of those questions… why don’t you do something about that?

 

Here are three tips that help me when I’m considering a change:

 

1. Decide if the move you’re making fits your values. Value-based decision-making can’t happen with the snap of your fingers. It takes time sitting with yourself, quietly, figuring out what motivates you and makes your pulse quicken. Do a simple exercise on your circles of influence. In your life, what do you have direct control over? What do you have control over if you have help? What is completely outside your control? Then consider – do the things I have control over play out in a balanced way in my decisions? If not, start changing.

 

2. Seek wisdom. My standard rule of thumb is to consult three people who are able to offer wise counsel about the decision facing me. Don’t just choose the cheerleaders in your life who will rubber stamp any decision you make. Talk to the people who challenge you, frustrate you, and are hands down on your team. When you see a pattern emerging from their counsel, you can see the path emerge in front of you.

 

3. Give yourself a realistic timeline. Before you make the decision, spend some time thinking about the logical consequences of the decision. For example, if you decide to quit your job, write yourself a note talking why you’re making the change and about the emotions you may feel – elation, loneliness from loss of community, satisfaction, failure, disappointment, financial insecurity, etc. It’s important to write yourself a note so when you feel these things you have a check point to reassure yourself. “See, I knew I would feel this way!” is a powerful tool! Give yourself the space to work through the transition and put that in your note, too. When we’re in the thick of the change we lose sight of our larger motivation.

 

Do you have any changes you need to make to value your present?

 

This post was originally published February 21, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Fable of the Porcupine

Fable of the Porcupine

“It was the coldest winter in anyone’s memory, and one animal after another perished in the icy weather. The porcupines saw this and decided the only way they would survive is if they grouped together to share their warmth.

 

This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. They stayed warm, but the pain they suffered was too great so after awhile they decided to distance themselves one from the other.

 

They began to die, alone and frozen.

 

Even porcupines could see that was never going to do. They had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

 

They decided to go back to being together.

 

The porcupines chose to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from the others.  This way they were able to survive.

 

The moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings perfect people together. It is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities.”

 

Last night Tom Basson sent this out as his post, it was the first time I have heard this story. I loved it immediately!

 

Though there are many versions of the fable if you search for an author they all have a similar moral – would you rather die, unhurt or live, bruised?

 

A Very Significant question, wouldn’t you say?

 

What is your choice?

 

This post was originally published August 21, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

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If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

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