Getting to Know YOU!!

Now is my chance to get to know YOU a little better!  Answer these questions in the comments!

1. What kind of swimsuit to you wear? Bikini or Tank?  Banana Sling or Trunks?

2.  If you could go anywhere right now for one week, where and why?

3. Guns are good or bad?

4.  Home-brewed coffee or Starbucks?

5.  Most embarrassing childhood memory?

6. Big news story that stays on your mind?

7.  Mac or PC?  Are you going to go for the iPad?

8.  What’s your dream job?

9.  Favorite breakfast treat?

10.  Dinner or supper… what do you eat around 5 p.m.?

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Why Having A Toddler Is Like Being at a Frat Party

This is a complete steal from the blog, Suburban Snapshots from June 2010. Please go visit her blog to see for yourself! It travelled around Facebook like a virus and made me laugh out loud a few times.  Hope you enjoy!

 

10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

9. There’s always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

 
9. There’s always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

 

8. It’s best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

 

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone’s going to start banging on the door.

 

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

 

5. You’ve got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

 

4. There’s definitely going to be a fight.

 

3. You’re not sure whether anything you’re doing is right, you just hope it won’t get you arrested.

 

2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

 

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.

 

Your additions?

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Baby Warmers

There are fashion trends that make sense and some that don’t.

I’m confident that the jegging, skinny jean, and character t-shirt will never become a staple of my closet.

But now I’ve discovered leg warmers for babies.  What?!

With all the research I’ve done in cloth diapers I’ve come across many, many variations of the 80s legwarmer, special for the infants.

The websites tout that they keep the baby warm (undoubtably true), protect from scratches when they’re crawling (again, true, true) and spice things up as a fashion accessory (um, not so sure about that one).

What’s wrong with a pair of knit pants?  Can someone explain the need for baby legwarmers?

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Dreamer

My father has always had very, very vivid dreams. My entire life we have gotten good laughs out of him retelling his dreams. Usually he dreams about protecting my mother from something or trying to stay out of danger. During these dreams he has frequently moves from the dream land to the physical.

For instance, once, many years ago, he was dreaming that he was caught in a crowd of protestors on a university campus. Their leader was getting confrontational with my dad and he started throwing punches to protect my mom.

Except that it was a dream. But he still threw punches in real life, resulting in my mom getting a big, black bruise when he slammed her with a left hook while fighting his dream nemesis.

She wasn’t so happy about being woken up from her own slumber with a well-intentioned wallop.

Another time he dreamed he was in a room with large wooden beams crossing the ceiling. As he was watching one of the beams started to fall, quickly, and my dad knew that he had to get out of the way fast if he wanted to avoid being pinned by that beam.

Once again, his dream world intruded upon the physical world and my mom woke up to him howling, pinned in between the bed and bedside table where he had hurled himself to get out of the way of the falling beam.

As my dad ages it seems like his dreams are becoming even stronger and more varied.

Earlier this week he dreamed that my mom asked him to go and get the rocking chair from the spa room. That particular rocking chair is covered with stuffed animals.

It appears my dad didn’t ask any questions of my mom in the dream about why she needed a rocking chair moved in the middle of the night – he just went to work.

My mom woke up the next morning completely surrounded by stuffed animals. They were heaped across the foot of the bed and snuggled up next to her, surrounding her in a comfortable pool of polyester blend loveys.

Turns out my dad took four trips from the spa room to the bedroom with armfuls of stuffed animals in order to make my mom happy and follow her dream-proclaimed mandate.

Ah! He’s a good guy. And… if you ever start to wonder, I’m pretty sure my imagination is genetic!

After I told this story to another friend she shared a funny story from another couple:

“Reminds me of the story my friend told of when she was staying in the spare bedroom of her sister’s home after a move.

They had just moved and the room was filled to the ceiling with boxes. She awoke frightened to death because her husband (who is a sleepwalker) was stuffing her in a closet yelling,”Gotta save you from the train! Gotta get off the tracks!” Her screams finally woke him up.

I don’t that she was ever the same after that….”

What crazy dreams have you had?

***Please rate this post using the star system up by the title. The ratings magically turn into the top-rated posts are ranked on the right side of the page – which gives new readers a place to start. I need your help to find the best posts!***


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Clowning Around

Yesterday we went on a grand adventure to Costco, the mecca of all bulk purchasing stores.

I am ashamed to admit we did not buy toilet paper.

Lizard said that he would seriously consider marital separation if he had to share the house with any more rolls of toilet paper, as he has already put toilet paper rolls in every drawer, closet, nook and cranny of the house and we have a full, unopened package of 36 rolls still in residence on the floor of the guest room.

Though I usually argue that toilet paper is a consumable product and therefore worthy of purchase every time we go to Costco I decided to play it safe this time and leave the toilet paper out of the cart.

After we enjoyed the beauty that is Costco we ate at In-N-Out, Lizard’s favorite restaurant ever, and headed home.

Uno and Dos were full of sheer giddiness from the excitement of the adventure and the five gallons of frozen yogurt they had eaten with the endorsement of Grandma and Grandpa.  Short of flinging handfuls of glitter in the air for a time of raucous play, nothing was going to live up to the excitement level they were experiencing.

I was trapped in the backseat of the Suburban in between Uno and Dos where I could also stuff bits of beef jerky into Tres’ mouth when she squawked.

All this to say it was a bit dodgy in the backseat and I got desperate.  So we played pretend.

There we were, driving down the interstate, playing pretend.  This version involved designing our dream vehicle.

We finally settled on a pink golf cart designed to look like a clown wearing glasses with a speaker disguised as a hat that played Imagination Movers as it tooled down the street.

(Personally I think that playing mariachi music would be much more charismatic than Imagination Movers, but, hey, why fight the battles?)

It took awhile for us to get all the design aspects right, which I then asked my husband to bring into splendid reality for your viewing pleasure.

And Lizard, the photoshopping jedi, recreated it.

I suspect we’ll be getting calls from all the golf courses any day now for orders of this design now that it’s been released to the general public.

Eat it up, folks, eat it up.

What about you?  What crazy games have you played to keep the kiddos occupied?

 

***Please rate this post using the star system up by the title.  The ratings magically turn into the top-rated posts are ranked on the right side of the page – which gives new readers a place to start.  I need your help to find the best posts!***


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Commando

Every time I go in public with the ruffians it is inevitable that there will be a bathroom break.  We stake out the handicapped stall (after all, what woman with three kids five and under isn’t impaired, at least for awhile?!) and take turns heading to the potty.

It never fails.

The ruffians go first because their bladder control is more questionable and then I go.  But, of course, they are done and careening around the stall like pinballs.  On the worst days it happens:

They open the stall door while Mommy dearest is sitting on the throne.

I immediately cower down into the smallest ball possible while screeching and hope that no one is looking.

But what are the going to see? My bony knees peeking out at them?  After all, I am a person who only removes my lower clothing when going to the bathroom, as I understand is common in my circles.

As I was pondering this I wondered what other scenarios create cringe-worthy heaps and I thought of another one: the naked dart across your own house (which is situated in the country where the nearest neighbors are approximately 16 miles away).

It does not matter that no one is there to see you.  Should you have a naked crisis, perhaps realizing that a foundation garment is in the dryer and you are in the shower across the house, you give a whole new facet to the word, “commando.”

You dart from sofa to recliner, hunched over to cover your critical points, glancing worriedly toward the windows.

If you have a glass sliding door, forget about it.  You’re terribly exposed in the crossing there.

The best choice is to either drop to your belly and military crawl out through the line of sight or go to the farthest point possible from the slider and ninja creep across the wall, hoping the glare of the sun on the sliding glass door will work in your favor against any would-be Peeping Toms who’ve been staking your place out in hopes of catching a glimpse of your hoo-ha.

Maybe it’s just me but I struggle with reveling in the shell that God gave me.  I blame Adam and Eve.  All was going just great until they got all sneaky with the apple and next thing they know they’re wearing palm fronds around their bodies.

Don’t even want to think about the chafing that caused.

What about you? Do you relate to the potty exposure or naked ninja house attack?

***Please rate this post using the star system up by the title.  The ratings magically turn into the top-rated posts are ranked on the right side of the page – which gives new readers a place to start.  I need your help to find the best posts!***


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Hall Pass

There’s a new movie hitting town called “Hall Pass.” The basic premise is that there are two couples who are feeling bored in their marriages and the wives give the husbands a “hall pass” for a week where they can do anything they want and act as though they have no obligations. It’s their chance to be single again.

In order to publicize the film they commissioned a study in the UK. The study found that while the concept that marriages tend to go through a rough spot around year seven (the Seven Year Itch) many marriages are now hitting that spot around year three.

(“The Seven Year Itch is now the Three Year Glitch“)

According to the study the top 10 love busters to blame for the Three Year Glitch are:

1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 percent

2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 percent

3. Anti-social working hours, 10 percent

4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 percent

5. In-Laws/extended family – too much/too little, 9 percent

6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc), 8 percent

7. Alcohol – drinking too much, 7 percent

8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits, 6 percent

9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 percent

10. Bathroom habits – Stray nail cuttings etc, 4 percent

Now, call me crazy, but I’m not thinking that the people polled were looking at marriage the same way I do.  While I can’t deny that significant weight gain or loss or underwear found with granny girdles or banana slings might be a bump in the road in some relationships, I’m thinking that marriage should be about more than toenail clippings and difficult working hours.

What do you think?  Do you identify with these findings?  What are the small things that you’ve learned to love about your spouse?

***Please rate this post using the star system up by the title.  The ratings magically turn into the top-rated posts are ranked on the right side of the page – which gives new readers a place to start.  I need your help to find the best posts!***


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Westward Ho

So, rumor has it that this funky little device named the iPad 2 was released today.

That news meant a lot to Lizard, because as you know, technology to him is as enticing as a piece of chewing gum is to a certain 5-year-old who I will call Uno.

However, we did not go stand in line at the Apple store today to make a purchase. Nor did we join a call-a-thon to raise money to support Japan in the midst of the worst day ever, a tsunami and earthquake right on top of each other (though that could happen in the future).

No, instead of joining in with the concerns of the rest of the world, we had much more fun.

We prepared for a 17-hour road trip with three children under the age of 6. Who says that spring break can’t be a fun-filled family adventure?! The only thing I can think of that would make this more fun is a pop-up trailer that makes us go 55 mph and lengthens our trip to 24 hours.

(We did consider taking a train this time but it was going to be 64 hours if we went the cheap route and sounded just plain painful. Our great American tour will have to be when we’re out of diapers and capable of reading independently. Amen.)

Today started early when Dos woke up and hustled into the bedroom to put her face about 1.3 millimeters from my face and whisper loudly, “I need to go potty!”

“Then go,” I answered, wondering why she needed permission and about to wet myself from the surprise of being woken up by a close talker.

“OK!!!” she whispered in the loudest whisper known to man (or woman, as the case may be).

She left the room and headed for the bathroom that is literally on the other side of her bedroom wall but across the house from our bedroom.

Then she slammed the hall door and woke up Uno and Tres. Many cries. Much complaining.

Good morning, world. Glad to see you before the sun’s awake today!

The hours since then have been filled with many things, but after a start like that the only thing that will top it today is when I walked into their bedroom and found Dos dangling upside down by one angle from the top bunk while Uno gripped just one skinny ankle with her even skinnier arms.

This confirmed my suspicion that they’ve been sneaking into the movie collection and watching Mission Impossible at night while Lizard and I are passed out from chasing them around all day.

The did not have the finesse of Tom Cruise. Just keeping’ it real.

We finally made it out the door after several more near misses with bodily injury due to lack of parental supervision as the parental units were frantically trying to count how many pairs of underwear are needed for a week and clothing changes for two different temperate zones.

As for Tres, well, I made a critical error in giving her an Oreo cookie while we were packing the Suburban, which resulted in a clothing change and spray down in the kitchen sink with the dish sprayer. We did not use Dawn soap.

Only three hours later than expected, we pointed the Suburban, which really needs a nickname since it’s become another family member, onto the western road and we’re headed toward tsumani-warned California.

Not the we’re going to California. We’re just headed west.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Ya’ll pray for us, ya hear?!

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What Employers Want from New Hires

This article from the Chronicle of Higher Education was pretty interesting.  It notes that while technology is being pushed, employers are truly looking for new hires that have the old-fashioned basic skills, reading, writing and ‘rithmetic.

Here’s the link – any thoughts?

http://chronicle.com/blogPost/Employers-Want-18th-Century/21687/

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Jesus is my Home.

Earlier this week I was frantically trying to prepare for my daughter’s fourth birthday party. We had invited her classmates, most of whom I knew only through nodding hello at school. I found myself obsessing over the presence of dust on my Venetian blinds and bemoaning the dust bunnies that continued to gather for little gossip sessions in the corners of the living room!

Since the party would include the parents of the children as well, I found myself trying to prepare every place that the parents might go – my husband steam cleaned the sofas and I got on hands and knees to clean the grout in the tiles in the bathroom.

At some point I realized that I was exhausted and the joy of the party – which is always a little difficult to find when you consider you’re about to be invaded by a horde of preschoolers! — was not obvious in my stressed out preparations. It led me to think about the importance of my home and how homes figured into Jesus’ ministry.

Jesus spent the vast majority of his ministry walking from town to town preaching and influencing people. From what we can gather, he didn’t have a regular place to call “home,” though he obviously had safe places to stay like Mary and Martha’s home. In addition, Jesus didn’t travel solo – there were the disciples and many other people who willingly gave up their comfort zones to wander like dusty nomads across the roads of Israel.

As a woman, thinking about living in my car and travelling non-stop is not something that gives me joy. It makes me break out in hives! I place so much value on the safety and security of my home’s four walls (and the importance of appropriate paint colors!). But the people who travelled with Jesus did not. They found something better than a place to call their own.

They found Jesus. He became their home.

Living in the presence of Jesus is a wonderful thing. It’s also something that we can train ourselves to do on a daily basis! Within the scope of his love and encouragement we can find a peace and security that has nothing to do with where the money for the mortgage payment is coming from, what other people will think of us if they know that we have a pile of laundry sky-high waiting to be folded, or our frustration over the dust bunnies rolling in sassy disrespect from under the sofa!

In Jesus we can live with unconditional love, His genuine interest in seeing us live up to our potential, and the security that comes from a home that can never be taken away and but constantly modified to add living space!

It’s worth it! And it doesn’t require a toothbrush to clean the grout!

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