As I was feeding Tres yogurt today I analyzed three ways feeding a baby is like filling a water balloon. Here they are:
1. It’s hard to get the filler into the holder. Trying to get the water into the balloon is hard! So hard they’ve created a totally useless attachment for your kitchen sink spout. It doesn’t work. The balloon pinches your fingers and squirts itself off of the faucet. It’s impossible.
Feeding an infant is similar. You think you’ve got a rhythm down and things are all going in when, “pop!”, the baby moves and all of the sudden you have yogurt all over their face, up their nose, and quite possibly on the wall. It’s impossible.
2. The container fills to a capacity beyond belief. I’m always surprised how a balloon the size of soybean swells to a water balloon the size of a Volkswagon bug when you fill it with water. Just amazing!
Similarly, I’m stunned when my 20 pound infant is able to consume four slices of deli meat, two granola bars, a bottle of milk, and two bowls of apple sauce. Where is all that food going? Just amazing!
3. When they pop it’s hilarious to watch, not so fun to experience. There is hardly anything more fun than watching someone get nailed by a well-placed water balloon grenade. Better yet if they’re completely surprised by the attack! However, as someone who has been on the receiving end of such attacks, the actual experience of being nailed is likely to engender feelings of wrath.
It’s the same concept with the fully-loaded baby. Watching your child erupt little pieces of vomit all over someone else (ahem, your husband) who made the mistake of throwing her up into the air like a lubricated piston can actually be pretty amusing. Experiencing the vomit, smelling the vomit, feeling the vomit… well, that’s a totally different story.
There you have it. Ways feeding an infant is like playing with water balloons. What did I miss?