My husband is leaving me.
For the evening.
Ha! He’s headed to The Big City and I’ll be hanging out, minding the yard sale with my mom and dad.
He’s taking the kiddos with him because he’s afraid I’ll post something like this on Craig’s List:
In light of the downturn in the economy and a desire to streamline our investments, we are downsizing our family.
For sale: Two gently used children of the female persuasion. Both are in questionable health and come with their own tiara’s, unwashed clothing and ability to sing the ABC’s and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star ad nauseum.
The 2006 model is well known for her theatrics. These increase in number and significance the longer she goes without a nap. As an additional feature, this model comes with a running faucet of snot from the nose in response to the blooming of ragweed in the area.
Our 2007 model is also unique. Currently sporting a double ear infection, this one-of-a-kind gal has the special knack of not only climbing the walls and knocking full glasses of ice water into your lap, but waking you up with a screeching, “Mama!” four inches from your face at 2:30 a.m, 3:15 a.m., 4:45 a.m. and 5:50 a.m. – invest in this opportunity and you’ll never need an alarm clock again!
The 2010 model is not currently for sale, though based on demand this situation may change.
All models come from a smoke-free home. Please direct all inquiries to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Sorry, offers for trade will not be accepted.
That tongue-in-cheek advertisement was written a year ago. My goodness, what a difference a year and a baby that sleeps through the night make!
These days I’d never put my sweet, darling, perfect children up for sale. Or trade. I love them too much.
The real question is what I’m going to do with all my free time while the family is in The Big City. I mean, there are bubble baths to be taken, novels to read, movies to watch, festivities to attend….!
OK. I’ll admit it. I’ll probably do laundry.
Because Sleep. Is. Good.
What would you do if you were given an evening of free time?