I just told my husband to leave me alone so I could write the funniest blog post of my life.
He didn’t take it well. In fact, his objections seem to stem around three main points:
A) I was being rude and mean;
B) The ruffians are in the bathtub making bubble bath moustaches and will soon want to escape from their bubbled bliss and go to bed (which means he needs help);
C) I’m writing about North Dakota and he just can’t see how that could be funny.
Oh, but he’s wrong.
In fact, the swing vote has been successful! In fact, someone from Wahpeton, North Dakota clicked onto StealingFaith.com for exactly 0 seconds today! My stat counter told me so!
(Does anyone else think the name Wahpeton sounds like mittens smacking together in the cold of winter? Just checking.)
While I think it’s a cool thing someone visited for 0 seconds, and it confirms my belief North Dakota has internet access along with humorous sewage treatment plants and lots of snow, I think I’d be a little happier if my new North Dakota friend stayed for longer than a second.
Just a thought.
So, as I was pondering this whole mess and trying to think of what to write that would lure people in, my husband, that rude man, grabbed me by my t-shirt and pulled me to him for a kiss.
It was very romantic. He was leaning against the kitchen sink and I was leaning against him and we kissed and we didn’t care who saw it through the kitchen window or that the baby was trying to push us apart and pull my shorts off.
I stood nose-to-nose with my husband and said, “Aren’t you glad you married a tall woman?”
Puzzled, “Yes. I never really thought about it.”
“You should be grateful. You’re tall and I’m tall and that means when we kiss you don’t get a crick in your neck!”
He looked thoughtful.
“In fact,” I continued, “I’ve always been confused and felt sorry for those basketball players who are so tall and marry five-foot-tall women!”
“I see what you’re saying!” said the love of my life. “If there were three feet of height distance between us I would have to kiss you when we were both sitting down!”
“Yes! Or I would need a step stool – or even a ladder! It could get quite bulky to have around!” I said. My thoughts went back to the blog post you’re reading now. “I wonder if there are any tall basketball players from North Dakota who married very short women?”
(See, it all comes around. Always have faith, my fond friends, always have faith that the rabbit trail will come back around to the point.)
So I took myself to my computer to find out if there is a connection between North Dakota and basketball. And, lo and behold, there is!
At first I was led astray because I thought Jim Naismith, the inventor of basketball, was from North Dakota! The search pulled his name up and I raced through that Wikipedia article as though I were a flash of lightning, only to see no mention of North Dakota and feel a sense of disillusionment regarding the veracity of Wikipedia. But then, in the corner of the page, I saw the picturesque connection.
I think it’s important to tell you there was a women’s basketball team in Milton, ND in 1908. They played in floor-length uniform dresses.
I’m sure they had game.
So, that was a bit of a wash, but then I discovered Phil Jackson – yes, that Phil Jackson, the one who coached the Los Angeles Lakers and is one of the best basketball coaches in history – attended high school in North Dakota and knocked the mittens off of his competitors, leading his team to two state championships!
(I also discovered he’s the son of Assemblies of God pastors. You’ve got to watch those Pastor’s Kids.)
All of this was fine and dandy but not really enough to pull this post together. My hope began to fail.
I reached the “O” section of famous people from North Dakota. And I saw a name.
A glorious name.
Yes, the Lute Olson.
I heart Lute Olson with my whole heart.
And he’s from North Dakota, Mayville, to be exact, the son of Norweigan-Americans.
I cannot describe the depth of emotion I feel knowing this. I heart North Dakota by positive association now. I fell in love with the Silver Fox when I attended the University of Arizona.
I’ve often been teased about my love for geriatrics, and my crush on Lute Olson is proof of this fondness for those about to lose control of their bodily functions and sporting age spots.
I can’t help myself, though. I really adore older people. And Lute, well, it makes no difference he has grandchildren approximately my age, when his beloved Bobbie died, a chunk of me wanted to stand in line to ask for his hand in marriage.
(I feel like I can tell you this without being disloyal to my husband because Lizard has a crush on Mia Hamm. We are comfortable with our famous crushes.)
So… at the end of this rambler in which I declare my love for Lute Olson, here’s your takeaway:
1. Don’t try to kiss someone when you have more than 9 inches of height difference between your lips. It could get dangerous or later require a chiropractor.
2. North Dakotans seem to have a short attention span but they’re working on it.
3. Lute Olson is the most amazing basketball coach and man alive with the exception of my husband and my dad.
4. Maybe next time I’ll write about more than basketball.
Have you found a North Dakotan friend of a friend yet? Have them come to StealingFaith.com and leave a comment! I will send the winner a mitten. It’s pink, and sized for an 18-month-old baby. But you could put a puff ball nose and pipe cleaner horns on it and morph it into a pink mitten- reindeer.
(I bet they do crafts in North Dakota. In the winter.)