Hello. My Name Is Anti-Craft.

There have been two separate occasions in the last 24 hours that have reinforced my belief crafted objects are from Satan.

 

First, I came across an evening bag.

 

It was the shape of an evening bag, the glittery color of an evening bag, and could be carried clasped under the arm like an evening bag.

 

But it was not an evening bag. It was a crafted object of plastic canvas and shiny yarn, stitched into one-half inch squares, alternating directions, around the bag.

 

Someone spent some time on this little gem.

 

All good intentions present, there is no way it can be an evening bag because there is a written law in the Code of Hamarabi stating: “Any item made of plastic canvas and yarn can in no way be determined as formal wear or accessories.”

 

That’s the Code of Hamarabi, folks, not the Code of Hobby Lobby!

 

Steer clear of the plastic crafts.

 

The second experience was painful.

 

Beads.

 

Beads.

 

In my head it can all be summed up in that one little word: Beads. But you probably need to know my toddler rummaged around in the drawer she’s not allowed to be rummaging around in, grasped the gallon-sized Ziploc bag of beads and began flinging it around with glee.

 

I don’t know why the zip let loose of its lock but it did. Beads flew. Everywhere.

 

It was a beaded hailstorm. It was painful.

 

Beads.

 

It reinforced my hatred of crafts and craft supplies. If it involves toilet paper tubes, glitter or play dough, count me out.

 

I mean it.

 

Oh, I know you good little readers of Family Fun magazine, Crafters Weekly and “I Did It Myself!” will burn me in effigy but I can’t help but say it out loud.

 

Crafts. ARE. Evil.

 

No matter what you may say.

 

OK. There is one disclaimer. I like *some* stuff on Etsy. Haven’t even given Pinterest a try… and I like to sew. But outside of that, why, oh why do you craft??

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4 thoughts on “Hello. My Name Is Anti-Craft.

  • September 27, 2011 at 7:57 pm
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    We do it to balance out those who do not.

    Oh, and because some of us have nieces who are creative and it’s a way of bonding.

    Reply
  • September 27, 2011 at 10:09 pm
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    I’m a crafter because it gives me something to do when I would other wise be doing nothing but watching TV. I’ve done counted cross stitch while watching TV. I’ve crocheted and still crochet while watching TV. I even quilt while watching TV, although it’s a little harder since my back is to the TV. I’ve been a crafter all my life! I don’t paint or draw so it give me a creative outlet!!!

    Reply
  • September 28, 2011 at 10:47 am
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    I cannot shun you for not liking crafts mostly because the world doesn’t have to see everything exactly how I see it (how boring would that be?!). However, sewing, although a “craft,” is used for practical purposes, ie making clothes, repairing clothes, making quilts, pillowcases, cute bags, etc. Things you use. That don’t look like you made it when you were in preschool. I love crafts, but I understand where you are coming from. If it helps, I think glitter is the DEVIL. It is like the herpes of craft supplies. For real.

    Reply
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