Toilet Paper, Fudge, and Significance

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Let’s start with the most important thing in life: my parents bought me a load of toilet paper at Costco.


If you haven’t experienced Costco toilet paper, I just can’t explain to you what you’re missing. I have done extensive research — around the world! — on various toilet papers and I can assure you the Costco toilet paper is simply the best.


And it comes in bulk. For cheaper.


I can forgive murder if the offender comes to me bearing a roll of Costco toilet paper.


For my birthday this year, the number of which cannot be named, my sister and brother-in-law gave me a dozen rolls of Costco toilet paper. Each of the individually wrapped parcels had a special potty-talk saying on it. It was hard to open them up and lose the sentiments, but I managed.


Because I love Costco toilet paper. And I’m also very fond of my parents right now for buying me my favorite present in the whole world… toilet paper. (And some girls like, diamonds… they are so missing out!)


In other news I need to report I am no longer a fudge-making novice. This afternoon I got all cheeky and went after the fudge-in-a-box deal from Carnation.


The fudge is definitely edible. And it’s pretty good. A little mushier than I prefer and the flavor was not ecstasy on my tongue but overall I’m pleased with the result.


I feel emboldened enough to try it again soon. Maybe even before Christmas, but I’m not going to set my sights too high because that could be dangerous.


I took my fudge to a study group. Tonight we broke with our traditional activities and watched It’s a Wonderful Life and discussed its spiritual themes while stuffing our maws with fudge, chocolate cupcakes, and Swedish meatballs.


(Lizard burped the meatballs all the way home. When I complained he told me he was going to invent a Febreeze mustache, special for me, so he could emit as many nauseous gasses as he pleased without my verbal input. Now, isn’t that romance personified?!)


The question I struggled with the most, which I will pose to you, is: What would be different if you had never been born?


I can come up with quite a few things that would be different if I’d never graced the Earth (Costco being one customer short for toilet paper, for one thing!). But in the midst of the life-altering aspects of my existence… would people ever notice I was missing if they’d never known me to be there in the first place?


How important are we, really? Do we fill a special hole no one else can touch or are we replaceable?


What are your thoughts on this matter? What would be different if you had never been born?

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