Joker

There’s a gremlin loose in the house. Not only did I just arm wrestle with the toothpaste tube because someone tightened the lid to a superhuman degree, I’m finding sticky finger residue all over my laptop.

 

There’s something suspicious going on.

 

Earlier today I did something I swore I would never do: I posted a response to someone’s Facebook status update regarding abortion legislation. It sparked a firestorm of responses on that status update and a status of my own soliciting people’s personal experiences with abortion.

 

All of this is churning in my head and I know I have a post coming up about it… but I can’t find my words yet. Would you like to help me?

 

I’d really like to hear your personal story regarding your beliefs about abortion. I’m not necessarily looking for the political arguments we all hear volleyed back and forth. I’m hoping to hear people’s real-life experience with the topic, I want the gritty truth.

 

If you’ve changed your stance from pro-life to pro-choice or vice versa, I’d also really like to know what motivated the change! I am genuinely curious and would love to hear – I have no intention of attacking you for your opinion, even if we ultimately disagree. Feel free to leave your response in the comments or send me a private email at stealingfaith {at} gmail {dot} com.

 

Thank you in advance!

 

Now… I’ve been promising I’d pull all the jokes from the comments together and post them! So, without further ado… here they are (and a few of my own, as well!):

 

“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Ach.”
“Ach, who?”
“Bless you!”

 

“Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly!”

 

“A mouse and an elephant are in the shower. The mouse says to the elephant, could you pass me the bar of soap? The elephant says to the mouse, “What do you think I am, a radio?”

 

“What did one burp say to the other burp? Let’s be stinkers and go the other way!”

 

“Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? Because they’d crack each other up!”

 

“Best baby onesie? “Mom just wanted a back rub!”

 

“What did the buffalo say to his child when he dropped him off the first day of school? “Bye, son.”

 

“A poster read: “God is dead” – Nietzche. The graffiti underneath read: “Nietzche is dead” – God.”

 

“Did you hear about the two peanuts that went walking around in the middle of the night? One of them was a-salted.”

 

“What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?…. Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.”

 

“Why did the cookie go to the doctor? He felt crummy.”

 

“I have CDO.” “What’s that?” “It’s OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, AS THEY SHOULD BE!”

 

And, my personal favorite: “A lady walked into a store looking for a fan. She told the salesman, “I’m looking for an ovulating fan.” Another shopper said, “You don’t want one of those. They only work a few days a month!!”

 

Do you have any funny jokes I’ve missed?