On a day when it would make sense to talk about the anniversary of Sept. 11, 2001, I’d like to go ahead and get down to one of the really important things in this world: anti-perspirant.
Three days ago I ran out of deodorant. This was a major accomplishment for me because about six years ago I got a mess of deodorant from Costco and, despite using it daily, it has been quite a long stretch of time with the Dove cool cucumber in the armpits. To finally run out of the stuff was a feeling similar to what I suspect people feel when they finish a marathon.
Upon discovering I needed to go shopping for underarm protection I have to admit I felt a bit giddy. It had been so long! What options would I discover? Would I stick with Dove? Another brand? Ooooo… so very exciting!
(Yes, I do realize the ridiculousness of being excited about buying deodorant. Don’t judge. It’s not like I’m the Secretary of the State or anything. I live at a mini storage and homeschool my kids. I don’t get out much, so anti-perspirant is important to me.)
Once I got to Walmart to figure out the new defense plan for my sweaty armpits, I discovered things have changed since the last time I bought deodorant in the single quantity. Apparently many anti-perspirant companies have come out of business or Walmart is playing serious favorites with the de-stinkifying companies out there.
I had a choice of Secret, Dove, Degree and Lady Speed Stick. I, of course, checked for the bottom shelf because that’s where the cheapest stuff lives, snuggled up next to dust bunnies and an uneven coating of floor wax.
It seems deodorant companies aren’t satisfied with simply offering a scent like “powder” or “peony” any more. Instead they’re offering an armpit experience with names like “rain fresh,” “sun burst,” “tropical adventure.”
I tell you what… if I’m in the tropics the last place I want to find an adventure is with the tender goose-bumped flesh at the junction of my arms and torso. Excitement and armpits do not go hand-in-hand. No, siree.
After deciding to veer away from the non-scent-descriptive odors and deciding that hologram stickers as part of the packaging weren’t worth the dollar charge, I landed on Lady Speed Stick.
I always get Lady Speed Stick confused with Lady Foot Locker in my head. Which kind of works because feet are smelly. Except I’ve never know of anyone who rubbed their feet down with deodorant before a date or a sporty competition.
Back to the story at hand.
There, tucked into the four columns of Lady Speed Stick, was my choice: Sparkling Lime Coconut.
I’m not going to lie. A name like Sparkling Lime Coconut makes you think more of an island scene with a beach and drink sporting a tiny paper umbrella than a mountaintop town filled with women who typically don’t shave anything at all.
But Sparkling Lime Coconut became my deodorant of choice.
I’m really pleased! Now, granted, I occasionally get a sniff of my own pits of the sparkling lime coconut variety and find myself confused, searching frantically for a frothy beverage and paper umbrella. But besides that I’ve been quite satisfied with the Lady Speed Stick’s ability to keep my underarm moisture at bay.
I tested its abilities today. I watched my nieces for about 12 hours, so our house was filled with six children ages 0, 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6. Yeah, I know you’re jealous.
Approximately 20 minutes after I decided I would never, ever do day care and I was an unfit mother, I had all six kids down for a nap at the same time.
There is nothing like feeling like a mothering ninja than six kids napping at the same time. (Two of whom are tucked into your armpits, getting whiffs of the sparkling lime coconut deodorant.)
There is also nothing that tests the power of your anti-perspirant than six kids hollering at the same time.
The upshot? I smell good, even now! And I’m so tired I’ve just caught myself asleep at the keyboard for the third time. Thank you, small children who inhabited and tried to destroy our home today!
Good times were had by all.
What deodorant do you use? (And on another topic: have you invited any friends to”like” StealingFaith or come visit in order to meet the 772 Challenge?)