By The Numbers

Tonsure. Like Martin Luther. Maybe.

May I assure you that the populace of America (or at least the literate, StealingFaith-reading populace) are full of some of the worst, cutest ways to discover this blog!


(Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about Rocky Mountain Oysters tonight. Hold your breath, it might be coming soon!)


In the last 30 days:


Five people have searched for “flying rabbit.” Which is pretty spectacular when you consider rabbits don’t have wings!


This same number of people, five, have searched “superhero logos” and “martin luther.”


Surprisingly, four people searched for “mancoon cat.” I think they were going for “Maine” coon cat, but the idea of a “mancoon cat” catches my fancy. Perhaps it is a reference to a man who wears spectacles like a raccoon? The kissing cousin to the monsoon? It’s a mystery… but fun to say!


Martin Luther figured heavily in the random search tools – in addition to simply searching “Martin Luther,” at least four people searched “Martin Luther in a Halloween costume.” Which makes sense, because the super traditional folks in the world wouldn’t want to sully themselves by celebrating Halloween. Instead it’s more useful to dress up as Martin Luther and see how much candy you can get by showing people your tonsure.


In the news from the slightly creepy, three people found Stealing Faith by searching “children’s beautiful hairy arms and legs.” I find it strange that one person used this search term. To learn that three people used it takes bizarre to a new level. Perhaps the same level as a child’s leg hair. Get a grip, sicko!


Two people want to know “why do hot dogs make me burp”? I can answer that: people hotdogs are the grossest food on the planet. They’re made of the parts of a pig that no one wants… and your body is trying to expel it from your digestive tract in aromatic burps in hopes it will go away. There should be a 12 step process for hot dog eaters, beginning with a pact to stay away from the pink porked cylinders.


Two people also want to know some “jokes about glitter and sparkle.” Let me tell you a joke. “What’s small and cheap and spreads like mononucleosis through the college Greek system?” “Glitter, the Devil’s crafting tool of choice.” Yeah, it’s all fun and games until someone gets the glitter in the living room rug or microwave. Then it’s on like Donkey Kong.


That’s all from the home office this evening. Why don’t you take your rabbits for a flight, it’s a beautiful night for it!



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