Deliberately

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

I spend a lot of time thinking about if I’m doing things On Purpose.

Perhaps it’s because my sophomore English teacher made us read Henry David Thoreau and I really connected with his explanation of Where he Lived and What He Lived For at Walden Pond, or perhaps because I’m a bit more controlling than the average person; I always had a feeling that to truly live you have to passionately participate in life.

Do you ever envision LIFE as a real, practical, tangible thing?

I imagine LIFE to be a bucking bronco, itching to go at the starting gate and waiting to see who can ride the longest – with the most flair – without falling off. In my own life I’ve been thrown a time or two from that bronco – which (after catching my breath) only makes me more determined to get up on my feet and step up to ride again!

The problem with LIFE, the bucking bronco, or however you imagine it, is that it never stops moving. It’s like driving on San Francisco hills: you’re either rolling backwards or actively driving toward a destination. There’s no coasting. With LIFE you’re either managing it or it’s managing you.

I spent time thinking about that this afternoon because I got to drive home from The Big City all by myself, Stella the Suburban was empty of any bodies besides my own yet filled with a trunk load of Costco toilet paper.

I’m not used to the quiet time, and enjoyed it thoroughly. Lizard was ahead of me in our new-to-us vehicle that doesn’t fit every member of our family at once but does drink fuel like it’s a tiny shot of expensive malt, as opposed to Stella, who guzzles like a sailor set ashore after a long trip at sea.

The quiet time, combined with the celebration of Tres’ third birthday and the sudden realization Uno is in her eighth year of life, had me questioning myself:

Am I living on purpose?

What are my purposes?

Do I need to tweak what I’m doing right now in order to align more closely with the calling on my life?

Am I doing what needs to be done to satisfy the call I feel compelled to answer?

My personal good news is that I think I’m in a sweet spot of letting God be in charge. The sad news? This time I have with my kiddos is flying by and I’m letting my own impatience and exasperation lose opportunities to know them while they still want to be known.

That is damning news, my friends. Damning. It bears little resemblance to the deliberate, intentional parenting I chose when we decided homeschooling was the right choice for our family.

I’ll be working on this concept for quite awhile, I’m sure, but I wanted to let you know these thoughts are on my mind because I wonder if you’re living deliberately?

Are you living on purpose?

If someone asked you for three things that make you passionate, make your face light up and your heart happy – could you rattle them off? Or would you have to think hard?

Are you living a life on purpose?

When it’s all said and done, these questions, the ones about how we choose to live, they’re the ones that will haunt us when we’re in the nursing homes wondering if this is all there is. They’re the questions whose answers make life worth living.

So, are you? Are you living on purpose?