Be A Commitment-Phobe. Please.

Patti Stanger of the Millionaire Matchmaker.

Two nights ago I had a brawl with a gal about my affinity for the Millionaire Matchmaker.


We went back and forth via facebook commentary about why Millionaire Matchmaker was better than American Choppers, Lizard got involved, it was lively and I defended Patty to the hilt.


Yet I feel compelled to tell you I am not a complete Millionaire Matchmaker devotee.


(In fact, if you’re not watching it now please do not start. It will bring nothing to your life. At all. It’s my guilty pleasure, but it’s kind of like Glee. I watched Glee for awhile because I kept seeing people post about how amazing it was. And it’s not. Sorry if that offends you but Glee is NOT GOOD. And neither is Millionaire Matchmaker.)


I love watching the train wreck of people and I’m generally fascinated and in love with talking about relationships, so the show is right up my alley. But, regardless of the fact the Daniel Kibblesmith episode was amazing and included the most awkward kiss ever, I don’t think she was nice to him because he was utterly charming without the makeover and you can feel nothing but love for a guy with “kibble” in his last name.


I appreciate Patty’s gusto and bluntness (but not her language) but I’m going to take issue with one of her philosophies.


She always says a broken engagement is a sign of commitment phobia.


Yes, that may be true in the occasional case but in general I’m going to say a broken engagement is a sign of good sense.


If someone is smart enough to recognize their doubts and get out while the gettin’s good, huzzah for them.


Because do we really need to add to the divorce rate statistic? Do we really need people in marriages that are dodgy and breed adultery?


If you’re going to commit to someone for a lifetime then you should commit. Not 90%. Not 95%. Commit. 100%.


And if you can’t say that, if you’re going back and forth and writing a pro and con list, if you have doubt while you’re engaged… cut the line and back away.


Ignore Patty. You’re not a commitment-phobe. You realize the importance of what you’re about to do and you’re being wise.


That’s what I have to say about that. I don’t know if it will affect my viewing relationship with the Millionaire Matchmaker, but I do know it’s important to me to make a definitive statement.


And I also mean what I said about Glee. Cut the line. Get out while the gettin’s good.


This post was originally published October 19, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


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2 thoughts on “Be A Commitment-Phobe. Please.

  • October 19, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Well said. I believe that when you’re on the pre-marriage side of the fence, your perspective is skewed and you think things like, “But if I don’t go through with this, EVERYTHING will be over.” “What if I never find another ‘Mr. Right’?” “I’ll be a failure!”

    That perspective is so momentary. The truth is, there are countless things that could happen: In six months, you might decide that he really is the guy for you and you’re now ready to commit 100%. Or, in six months, you may be immensely thankful that you called it off when you did, now that you’ve had time to think clearly and see your relationship for what it really is.

    Either way, postponing marriage for six months WON’T destroy you. On the other hand, entering hastily into a potentially miserable marriage where you are permanently attached to that person for the remainder of your life…

    I can speak from experience on both sides of the fence. While I am very content in my own marriage, I do believe we rushed into it. As a result, we experienced two quite miserable first years of marriage. I am convinced that had we exercised patience and waited (as many people advised us to!), we could have avoided or been better prepared to handle many of those issues.

    That said (sorry this is so long!!), we entered in to marriage with 100% commitment. Divorce has never been an option for us. We chose to stick together and work through those awful seasons of our marriage–allowing God to change each of us dramatically. We now have an amazing marriage, full of joy, laughter and fun…as well as a trust much deeper than I ever could have imagined.

    Bottom line: Divorce should never be an option in marriage. There is no point to saying “I do.” when you really don’t. So, if you can’t commit 100%, call it off. There is no shame in reconsidering a life-long, life-changing decision.

  • October 29, 2011 at 4:16 am

    Perhaps men should be more certain about proposing before getting to that point – it’s selfish, inconsiderate and assinine to cause that much pain and hurt to a person like that.. Yes, get out if it’s not right but dont be the idiot who thought it was a “good idea” to begin with


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