As I type it’s 6:20 am, I’m scrunched into a corner of a sofa that has three kids sleeping on it (the fourth child is in my own bed because Daddy’s away on a work trip), and the poodle is inching closer and closer to me with a clear desire to actually melt into my body in a desire to snuggle into one-ness.
I find myself wanting to come up with something earth-shattering and beautiful to write. I don’t feel earth-shattering and beautiful. I just feel like it’s every day life.
Tomorrow is the first day of 8th grade for our oldest, the first day of classes in a brand new non-profit homeschooling organization. Six months ago I would have told you that where we are today would be impossible, that we were on a course and sticking to it no matter what. Four months ago I was in shock and grieving over our home education journey and its detours.
And today, I’m working with my child to complete her coursework so she can participate in discussion tomorrow and feeling excited. I recognize that God’s plans are inexplicable, that He uses disaster to move us into His directions, and that “Having no fear of the future” is really more than just a cute slogan for an Instagram photo.
I need to be reminded of that.
Puberty is coming to our household times four.
I’ve always been one who considers the worst case scenario before I felt comfortable moving into a new direction. If I can be at peace with the worst… then I know I can confidently move into the present.
Getting married? Well, what would it be like if he was the worst husband ever? (He’s not).
Having children? Well, what would it be like if they were lost to me? (They haven’t been.)
Accepting that new job? Well, what would it be like if the job were totally messed up in every way. (It never has been.)
The sermon I listened to this past week says that when you’re expecting the worst, three things will happen:
- It will happen and be as bad as you thought it would be.
- It will happen and NOT be as bad as you thought it would be.
- It won’t happen and nothing bad is coming from your fretting.
Even in the worst case scenarios, if you have faith you can trust that good will come of it. It might not be in the timing I’d prefer, but I can trust that it WILL come out alright.
So why rob today of its joy?
I suppose I’m thinking of this right now because we’ve had our number two choose the movie selections for our family lately. She’s gone with Soul Surfer and Miracles from Heaven.
(After sobbing my way through Miracles from Heaven yesterday I have taken her movie selection privileges away. I can’t emotionally handle these movies.)
Anywho, both of the movies touch on the themes of “the worst is happening, what will you do about it?” and show the mysterious ways of God taking disasters and making beauty.
And here I am, praying through the start of the day that will lead into the start of another academic year that holds the promise of all new beginnings. From academics to new soccer coaches and teams, from puberty to growing pains, there is newness happening all around me, beauty being built in the ashes of the past.
It’s very disconcerting.
It’s also very exciting. Because God’s got it. Whatever IT is… He’s got it and it’s going to be great.
Praying for you as you start your day today!.