Not So Glorious

We spent the late evening eating loaves of bread and watching the movie Morning Glory.

Alright, if you’re going to be picky about it, I’m not ashamed to admit I ate the loaves of bread and then we shared the viewing pleasure.  My steady diet of french bread, chocolate chip cookie dough, cherry garcia ice cream and potato chips has added at least four pounds of lovin’ to my midriff in the last week.

I know you’re jealous.  But keep reading and then decide if you want to switch places.

Pleasure is not the best description of what we’ve been through in the last hour and a half.  I’m so torn on this one.

Morning Glory is a movie about a television producer saving a morning show from being cancelled.  With my journalism background I just eat that storyline all up like toast with jam on top.

But it was disappointing.  The character development was sketchy and there were scenes when I looked at Lizard and just apologized for the awfulness of what we were sitting through (and I’m pretty sure it should have been rated higher than PG-13).

Somehow they were able to make Harrison Ford completely unattractive and more like a claymation character, which is saying something because he’s usually right up there on my geriatric yum-yum list with Sean Connery, Dennis Quaid and Pierce Brosnan (along with Lute Olson.  Moment of silence for the Silver Fox, please.)

Then, right in the middle of groans and eye rolls, were two scenes of pure, sheer hilarity that made the rest of the movie worth it.

Here are some YouTube clips that may give you an idea – and if you rent the movie just go ahead and skip straight to these sections because I couldn’t find the clip of Diane Keeton in a Sumo suit getting beaten up or Ernie the Weather Guy passing out in a plane and I’m telling you, this is the best part of the whole movie.

So, that was fun.

Right in the middle of the hilarity Penny the Poodle Passed Gas.

It was one of those times when you get the first whiff and think to yourself, “Whoa.  That is simply not good.”

Then, in a way I can’t quite wrap my head around, the intensity and odor of the gas increased.  Within seconds Lizard and I were collapsed on the sofa with our shirts over our noses while our nostril hair lit up with little smoke plumes from the acid smell.  If we had gas masks, they would have been utilized.

Awful, I tell you.  Truly awful.

Lizard really doesn’t like the poodles, so I didn’t expect Penny’s expulsion to make him feel to good toward her.

I was pleasantly surprised and thought it was pretty cute when he picked her up off of the sofa, held her level with his face and said, “That was horrible – horrible gas!”

He shook his head and his tone changed as though he was counseling someone who had just shared a profound, serious bit of news.

“I cannot believe that came out of your butt,” Lizard said.  He shook his head slowly several more times.

“That was horrible.”

And that about sums up the evening, folks.  Move along, nothing more to see or smell here.