Pop a Cap

It seems Lizard thinks it’s funny I used the phrase “pop a cap in that bird” yesterday.

His mind is so narrow when it comes to the complexities of the English language.  And slang.  And how I use idioms.

But, after some harassing comments he finally looked at me and said, “You know, really, if it came down to Dos or an eagle, you’d better pop a cap in that bird.  That’s why we go target shooting!”

So, there you have it folks, we are rednecks.  But, on the off-chance you think there’s any redemption for our hillbilly ways let me remove all hope and tell you he followed his militant comment with:

“And if we were on the Oregon Trail and you shot an eagle, we’d better eat it, too!”

(I promise we don’t eat roadkill.  Although if we were on the Oregon Trail, who knows what we might bring ourselves to do?!)

His comment brought back the lesson my mom gave me this week on how to cook one whole chicken and eat for three years.

Or maybe just eight days, numbers are kind of tricky for me.

My mom had a whole chicken and was giving me the rundown on how to separate the various chicken body parts (you save the white meat for special occasions and use the dark meat in casseroles), stick the bones in the crockpot for a day (melts the meat off and gives you chicken stock), and cook multitudes of meals.

She was telling me about this while pulling the skin and the fat off the crockpotted chicken and I so badly wanted to be brave but I cannot lie, I was feeling squeamish at the sight of all that melted flesh.

Regardless of my personal feelings of empathy with the chicken, I feel my lesson was thorough enough that I could handle the bird.  Though I may or may not try it in my kitchen because, in general, I’m a fan of chicken that comes without its skin and wrapped in a plastic blankie.

However, if circumstances changed and Dos was in the process of being carried away by an eagle I would have no qualms about shooting the bird with my handy firearm, taking the carcass to my campfire, placing it in my cast iron dutch oven and putting it over the campfire to cook up some hearty meals for my kinsfolk.

Since the average chicken is three pounds and I can eat for eight meals from it (according to my mother, the Knowledge General), and the average bald eagle is 12 pounds… well, I think I can get a good number of meals from that skanky eagle… more meals from the bird than the bird would get from my ruffian!

Would you be able to shoot the National Bird to save your Child?  What about if it was flying off with your dog (or other small mammal)?