All Aboard… The Crazy Train!

Blame the pregnancy hormones, or just plain blame me, but today I got a figurative kick in the parenting pants.

Tres had her very first no way, no how, 100% refusal to apologize for being naughty. She got into some things she knows she can’t get in to and so she was put on the naughty bench. I told her she needed to stay there until she said she was sorry.

Does anyone have a copy of “Strong-Willed Child” I can borrow? Because my nearly-two-years-old sat on the naughty bench for about 45 minutes with me while I waited for her to say she was sorry.

Moments after the little mule begrudgingly apologized and we had a kiss and hug time Uno and Dos got in a fight to the death over something… I still don’t know what.

They were at it, I tell you, violently screaming, when it suddenly turned into attempted hits.

This is not normal behavior for our kids. So, of course, I decided it’s a direct reflection on me as their primary influencer.

Yep, I suck as a parent. Need proof? Meet my kids, exhibits Uno, Dos and Tres. Don’t worry, I’m sure the little Fyra will be rotten, too.

Oh, yes, I know I will likely never be written up and mocked for poor parenting choices, as I don’t abuse the kids or do any of the horrible things that hit 24-hour new cycles, but there are times when it’s impossible not to take the actions and viewpoints coming from the kiddos personally.

My perfectionist nature roars with vigor and I begin a litany of all the ways I fail, from having kids that don’t treat each other with respect or apologize, to the laundry spilled across the sofa for days at a time, to the dinners I haven’t cooked… the list is actually quite long of all the ways I’m failing as a perfect paragon of motherly virtue.

Heck, forget motherly virtue! When I really get into the cycle, I can enumerate the hundreds of ways I fail as a human being, breathing negativity in and spilling disillusionment and hopelessness out.

I come face-to-face with the reality I am a broken woman, trying to take one day at a time. I am 100% inadequate, just trying to keep my feet underneath me as the ground shifts like the shaking floor in a carnival fun house.

During those times I steal from others. Today my thefts came via facebook – I confessed my fear of failure in a status update… and my loving, supportive, amazing friends reminded me that the human vase of my life comes with a crackle coating. Life is not meant to be smooth sailing. My failures are not unique, they are part of the tapestry of parenting. “IT,” whatever it is, it is okay.

I stole faith from their comments. The generosity of their reply took me to tears of gratitude.

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of this blog. I pray over this past year it has encouraged year, and helped you see life from my limited perspective and laugh a little (or a lot!) as you slog through your daily grind.

But, hoping this blog has had a positive impact on you is not the only benefit. I have to confess – you, as readers, as commenters, as newfound friends, you have allowed me to steal faith from your life. I am forever grateful!

So, Thank You. Just for being you. (And for the tips on how to get the brown sugar soft again. I followed your advice and it worked. Thank you.)

What makes you feel inadequate? And, on a totally different note, what would you like to see as the topic for The Birthday Post?!