Foaming at the Mouth

I’m foaming at the mouth!

For weeks I’ve been doing my very best to work up to the recommended 60 second swish time with my purple Listerine. It’s not going so well, mostly because every time that toxic venom hits my tender mouth I want to scream in agony yet can’t because my mouth is full mouthwash and my children will notice if I spit all over the bathroom sink and myself.

I do have a small speck of self-respect left that would be demolished by the mocking of elementary children.

When my friends told me to try purple Listerine and Sensodyne toothpaste as a way to stave off a dental visit for my aching tooth I figured a $10 investment in dental care would be more cost efficient than plopping my backside in one of those freaky elevating chairs and wearing a corrugated paper bib while letting a doctor scrape my teeth with instruments of torture.

Little did I know that if I followed the purple Listerine recommendation I’d be spending the first moments in bed each night sucking air into my mouth like a sprinter with emphysema!

Beside feeling like my face is in fire, I can’t stop spitting after I’ve spit the Listerine from my oral cavity. I started to wonder what was wrong with me and if I might have Listerine-induced rabies.

I appealed for help via Facebook status update (can anyone tell me why I froth at the mouth after using my mouthwash? Please?!) and my very smart friend suggested I do something absolutely extraordinary:

Read the ingredients on the bottle.

I never read the ingredients of what I consume. If I did I would start wondering was absorbic acid and oxydidclomidine actually are and go all natural granola on my family and where would we be without a secret stash of Goldfish crackers, pickled okra, Nerds, and mint chocolate ice cream?!

But, because this friend is pretty smart, I took her advice. And the foaming of the mouth became clear: hydrogen peroxide.

Yes, the friendly sterilizer.

I loved hydrogen peroxide as a kid because it didn’t sting like rubbing alcohol and had the added bonus of foaming in the areas that were especially dirty. And since I grew up rural, that meant my hands pretty much always foamed all over.

I never knew hydrogen peroxide could be used as a mouth wash. But Listerine did. And they do.

I’m happy to report my tooth ache has almost disappeared, so I can recommend the purple Listerine/Sensodyne tooth paste regime I’ve been using.

I cannot, however, recommend the act of burning your mouth up twice a day as you strive for mouthwash victory.

Let me know how it goes for you – I’m over here in the corner panting and crying until the acid in my mouth wears off.

What’s your best tooth care advice?