Big Leagues

 

It’s time to discuss how toy makers hate parents.

 

This hatred is a long-standing conspiracy. I know this because I’ve recently tried to introduce some of the toys of my youth to my own kiddos and have discovered there is pure evil within some of my childhood favorites.

 

I can’t believe my parents had more patience than I have, and as an adult I also can’t figure out why I loved these toys to dearly. Yet, the fact remains the play things of a long-ago era are a real and present danger to my “parent-calm” today.

 

ViewFinder. The View Finder looks so innocent, a window into another world… or, when viewed from another angle, a torture device. I’m not over-reacting. Consider the fact the ViewFinder is used to cover ones eyes. If a child (who shall not be named) placed said ViewFinder over their eyes and, instead of remaining motionless, decided to go trotting around the house, I imagine you can see the pain involved in running into a wall with a ViewFinder attached to the face at the bridge of the nose. Not that I know anything about that.

 

Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Personally, I LOVE this game – Love it! However, it’s about as quiet as a tutu-wearing elephant dancing through a bubble wrap factory. In our house, as soon as the baby is down for nap a rousing game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos begins, complete with snapping hippopotamus and marbles flying faster than a speeding bullet. The volume on this game is off the charts. (Although, admittedly, the fun factor is pretty high, too!)

 

Tiddly Winks. It’s an unfortunate name, Tiddly Winks. As an adult I look at the word choice of “tiddly” and “wink” and my mind drifts to the nursery rhyme about Wee Willie Winkie running around town creeping on people through their windows!  “Winkie” is just not a word one can say without a giggle. Name aside, why, oh why, would anyone think it’s a good plan to put a bunch of tokens together with small children who can’t help but put everything in their mouths? I just know I’ll be “winking” at a Tiddly Wink one day out of my toilet after that token has completed an unfortunate gastrointestinal journey.

 

Pick Up Sticks. I see about as much enjoyment out of Pick Up Sticks as if I could grab an open bag of Pretzel sticks and swing it around my head like a lasso. Maybe my kids are the only ones, but they have much more fun creating a disaster than picking up anything whether it be sticks, pretzels, or their dirty clothing. Any game based on a premise of cleanliness is a game designed to bring parents to their breaking point.

 

Now that I’ve added my two cents about all this, I think I’ll go watch E.T. and chew some Big League Chewing Gum in honor of the 80s.

 

The End.