The Posts That Brought You Here – September Edition

Believe it or not, it has been 30 days since my last installment of The Posts That Brought You Here – this special little game where I review the search terms people put into Google to discover… this site and try to guess which post they match.

It’s an exciting time, I know.

So, without further ado, here they are:

1. Saggy Skin On Stomach. I don’t know whether to take offense at this because, while I know I am most definitely in possession of a lard baby (Dos asked me yesterday if I was pregnant because my belly was so big. I am not. There is also a window of opportunity where you can get away with asking a woman that question – after that you should expect a solid right hook in response) I don’t believe I’ve blogged about saggy skin on my stomach. But maybe they were searching for my comments about Sassy Water – the diet trend that sounds like so much fun I might actually do it!

2. T-Shaped Body. … … … … {this is me sitting, staring at my computer with a perplexed expression.} I suppose a t-shaped body is better than a v-shaped body, because then you’d look like Mr. Gru from Despicable Me and I can guarantee it would be difficult to find hot pants that fit if that were the case. But since I have no idea how this search term found me, I’m going to suggest you take a look at my rage against the machine in Clothes Horse.

3. Billy Goats Gruff. Reality in life, people are jerks. Well, not all of them – there’s really only about a dozen real jerks in the world, they just travel a lot and create spawn. But I talked about them in this post, Friends, Critics and Trolls. (And, how can you not love just saying the word “gruff.” Go on, say it. It’s fun, huh?!)

4. We Went On a Roadtrip and My Toddler Has to Go Potty. It’s a truth – those kids have to use the potty at the most inconvenient times. And they’re so loud about it – I mean, you’re standing in line waiting for the bank teller and all of the sudden your child wails, “Mommy! I have to go POTTY! NOW! Please, Mommy! I really mean it!” They’re doing the potty dance, crossing their legs and wiggling. But at least they’re able to wait. Unlike Uno, who, well, didn’t wait on one of our roadtrips.

5. How Do You Know If U Have Met UR Soulmate? While I do have some pretty strong suggestions for you in the romance area, like how to get married in 6 months or less and how do you know?, I am more distracted by the text messaging shorthand in this item. Hate it. If you’re not grown up enough to use the English language, I think marriage, with all it’s ups and downs, may be a little much for you. But that’s because I’m a logophile. And rude.

And, if that’s not enough StealingFaith fun for you, check out some of my favorite posts where I make fun of my dad for dreaming, try to figure out how I got a grenade under my bed, broke the bed, explored my crazy head, and figured out how you know the difference between lust and love.

Thanks. Love to you all and good night.