It’s No Joke

Well, this horse is pretty well beaten to death, but I need to tell you I tried to teach the girls three of your jokes tonight.

 

These are the good jokes, the ones that make sense and prompt a smile.

 

Wanna know what? They don’t get it.

 

I asked them if they wanted to learn a joke, they enthusiastically said, “Yes!,” but when I told them the jokes I could hear crickets chirping in the silence.

 

I tried to explain why the jokes were funny. Silence. I waved the internal white flag of surrender and told them good night.

 

“Mommy?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can I tell you a joke?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Knock knock.”

 

“Who’s there?”

 

“You.”

 

“You, who?”

 

“Yoo hoo, I love you!”

 

And that’s all I have to say about that. For real. I’m not writing about jokes tomorrow because, as I mentioned, that horse has been beaten.   And that’s not really funny.

 

While I’m on the subject of things that aren’t very funny, I’d like to share a link I came across this evening.

 

It’s for edible glitter.

 

I think it’s time for me to admit I have a prejudice against glitter. It’s not a shock to any of you who have been reading this blog for more than three days, but I don’t like glitter because it goes everywhere and you can’t get rid of it!

 

Tonight I was foolish enough to take the girls to Claire’s Boutique to check out their $1 clearance section. Any guesses for what they walked out of the store clutching?

 

Pink, white, and purple, glittery unicorn key chains. I cringe inside just writing that down. When I look at these key chains I become sick to my stomach and vomit a little in my mouth.

 

Claire’s has stock in glitter and bedazzling their world. It’s sick.

 

So, this blog has offered a recipe for edible glitter. Because not only does the glitter-loving parent have shiny bits and pieces of spastic fairy dust clogging the remote control at any moment, every family needs to adorn their offspring’s feces with the remains of edible glitter.

 

Is there no sanity in this world???!

 

Just in case you’re looking for an opportunity to prove you’re a candidate for a calm environment and padded walls, here’s the link to the edible glitter recipe.

 

You just let me know how that goes. And don’t complain when your child toots sparkly butterflies.

 

(But if you catch it on video (like this one) and win the grand prize on America’s Funniest Home Videos I’d like just a little bit of the award money, ok?)