I’ll give it to you straight

Here is the trajectory of my sickness:

Day 1: Oh, is that a scratch I feel in my throat? (two hours later) Oh, my, I seem to have chills and feel like passing out when upright. I shall go to bed.

Days 2 – 4: No recollection besides chills, hunger, and the intense joy a drink of lime Gatorade offers.

Days 5 – 6: I believe I shall sit up and watch Downton Abbey. Oh, my. My eye balls may explode. Perhaps I shall drink Gatorade and go to bed.

Day 7: Family? I have a family? I had forgotten! They are so joyful. Oh! Is that Mulan on the T.V.? (begins to cry) That is such a deep, poignant movie! Children… come back! I need to hug you!

Day 8: I can conquer the world! I feel good! No wait! I feel awful! My life is dreadful and I will never have joy again! No, I feel good! Wait! I think I should sit down.

Day 9: Yes, I can do the laundry today. Yes, I can do dishes today. Yes, I can be a mom today.

Day 10: Hm… there’s a strange rumbly in my tumbly. Oh, my. The bathroom, I feel such a close kinship to you. And this bowl – I’m so glad to know it can hold up to eight cups of vomit at once! What a relief!

Day 11 – 12: I don’t remember. I believe they have been filled with sleep and non-stop watching of the Food Network but all I remember is a vague desire to eat cupcakes and pan sear rats in Cambodia.

Thank you for tuning in. No promises on the next update, but I hope it’s getting better. Prayers gladly accepted.