Octopus Testicles

Colossal Octopus by Pierre Denys de Montfort

I talked myself out of quitting homeschooling again today.

I quit homeschooling about twice a week. This is because my children do not sit obediently at little desks and look up at me with cherubic faces, begging to learn. Instead they do their work sprawled out on the sofa while bugging each other and there’s usually a younger sibling asking me for a snack, a drink, a potty time, etc. while I’m trying to explain the place value of numbers. It’s hectic!

When things get rough I go back to my original post about why we homeschool. Nothing has changed, but I wish this choice were easier! Since I have no compelling reason to challenge our original ideals, I love the curriculum we use with Classical Conversations, and I usually think my kids hung the moon after I’ve had a good night’s sleep, twice a week I tear up my resignation, put my big girl panties on, and stick around.

This week I’ve been analyzing the choice once again.

As you know, recently a car accident killed an acquaintance of ours and her children. Last month another family in our social circle lost their eight-year-old daughter in a boating accident.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about mortality, walking through the emotion of grief with these situations… and homeschooling came into play in my internal dialogue.

I’ve never been a “fire and brimstone” type of person – I don’t talk about life change based on the fear factor because I don’t believe we’re called to walk in fear and I also find fear to be a dirty motivator that doesn’t spawn lasting change.

But if, by a horrible circumstance, my children were killed in some way, I would be resentful of every moment I missed. I would hate that I didn’t see them read their first words, that I wasted the opportunity to know them in a moment-by-moment way.

Just this morning I was talking to Dos about Kraken, the mythological giant octopus that sailors of old used as spooky stories. We talked about fiction and myths and about the octopus of today. She thought about it and said:

“Mommy! An Octopus can be as big as the ceiling? Bigger than me?!”

“Yep, very big!” I assured her. It was a proud educational moment.

She got a look of shock on her face and said, “Oh! So I could get died from its mighty testicles?!”

“That’s tentacles, my dear,” I said. Proud moment… destroyed.

I will laugh about octopus testicles for the rest of my life! But if I had been rushing her out the door this morning with her lunch box and school bag… I would have missed it.

I believe our kids are a gift from God that are our responsibility to steward. It’s my job as a mom to satisfy their physical needs of food, housing, clothing, cleanliness. But it’s my privilege as a parent to meet their intellectual and emotional needs so that when the time comes they can be released into this world capable of functioning in a mature, well-versed and useful manner.

There is very little about the role of a mother that is easy. I would many times prefer to be back in my professional life because the lines aren’t so blurry and I’d work with people who already have a skill set as a functioning adult. (And don’t cry when I tell them no or ask me to wipe their behinds.)

But I don’t want to miss this. I don’t want to miss the octopus testicles. I want to be present at more than breakfast and bedtime, to live the process instead of witness only the end of the year performance.

My definition of motherhood may not work for anyone else – and that’s fine because it really only needs to fit me. But, for me, some things are more important than my preference or convenience. I choose attentiveness to those things for as long as this season lasts.

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The Truth About Homeschooling

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I’ve stepped into a leadership role with my local Classical Conversations community that has me meeting with prospective parents frequently to explain the program and how CC might work for them.

I love it, absolutely love it! Because if it weren’t for Classical Conversations there’s a reasonable chance I wouldn’t even consider homeschooling as a viable option for our family. At the risk of sounding like a complete CC Kool-Aid drinker, this academic community has made all the difference in our life and opened up the world for our children.

Even so, sometimes I feel a little guilty that I don’t add the “downer” side of homeschooling to my conversations with people about whether this is a party they want to join. To clear my conscience, I’m going to go public with some of the negatives of homeschooling right here and now…

1. You’re going to have to actually school them. The real bummer about homeschooling is those kids – they don’t just teach themselves. And school? It happens every day. There are no sick days, you can’t sleep in for fun, and your kids are used to getting your attention so they get a tad presumptuous about your time. There’s no one you can send them off to or blame when they don’t perform as well as anticipated.

2. Unrealistic Expectations. Let’s face it, we all want kids who do something exceedingly well or else the “how to tell if your child is gifted” post wouldn’t be one of the most popular on BabyCenter. Homeschoolers are the worst about this. “Did I mention my 4 year old is able to recite Plato and complete advanced geometry problems? Oh, I didn’t? Don’t worry. The public school will teach your little Susie to wipe the drool from her chin by the end of 6th grade, I’m certain.” Sheesh! We read statistics about kids who are home educated winning spelling bees and doing well academically and dream that our kiddo will be the Next Big Thing. But take a moment to realize an important fact: they’re your kids. If YOU weren’t a member of Mensa or a Top Shot… chances are simply doing school around your kitchen table won’t make them phenomenal.

3. It’s lonely. There was a time I described staying at home full time as akin to putting ground glass on my eyeballs… and I meant it. I love my children to an insane degree but I think I’m pretty close to the worst person possible to be a full-time stay at home mom. This is likely why I’ve also worked for all but about seven months of my mom life – I need the adult interaction and challenges provided by employment. Even now, working full-time from home, I struggle with the loneliness of homeschooling. Being a part of a co-op makes this journey feasible… you have someone to commiserate with on a regular basis as well as people to celebrate the awesome achievements of your kiddos!

4. You see your ugly side. There was a time I never, ever raised my voice. In fact, I would cry if I was around people yelling or even loud noises. Home schooling has taught me I have a short temper. There’s a little switch in me that pops its overload setting when I have a load of laundry that must go into the dryer, dinner cooking on the stove, a baby crying at my feet and a grade schooler asking me if I have ever tried to draw a picture of Charlemagne’s horse and whether the mane should be black or brown… all at the same time! I crack, sometimes daily. This gives me the opportunity to be humble. (Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! An opportunity to demonstrate faith!)

5. You question your value. When you’re at home, wondering if your child will ever figure out how to read or write or add or subtract, you begin to doubt whether you’re doing enough. You read what the “experts” say, you try to gauge yourself against others… what you really do is practice insecurity. It’s eternal, this responsibility you have for your kid and your concern that you’re just not living up to their potential, that you’re holding them back. There is no boss who pulls you in for a performance review, followed by a pay raise. And that stinks.

After all these negatives, I think it’s important to mention we do homeschool and aren’t planning to change that anytime soon. For our family, it’s worth it because this aligns with our values. (But it’s not always just peachy.)

What are your highs and lows regarding home education?

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Homeschool Biography

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I’m at a training meeting for Classical Conversations. As you know, I love the program and think it’s been amazingly effective for our family – and this training has been consistently thought-provoking and encouraging.

Our assignment tonight was to write a short biography for ourselves that could eventually be posted on the CC website. If you’ve never written your own introduction, you should know it’s about as much fun as trying to thread a needle by moonlight or talk a two-year-old into not swallowing their chewing gum. It’s much easier to write about other people than yourself!

A few of us got together, and, as creative inspiration, decided to write a spoof-bio utilizing home school misperceptions while also using our most horrible writing. The result had me rolling on the floor, laughing, with tears streaming down my face. There’s a chance this won’t be funny to you at all if you’re not a home educator (or you don’t have a pulse), but I’m going to take a risk and share it with you tonight:

“I love homeschooling! It’s so awesome to stay in my pajamas, not shower, and eat bon-bons all day while teaching my kids quantum physics. Every night I brush my floor-length hair with at least 100 strokes, sometimes 104 strokes if I took a bicycle ride with the children during the day. My preferred attire is a denim jumper, which has also always inspired my husband, as evidenced by our 15 children aged 10 and under (which I dress in matching clothes). I discovered CC through a magalog left at my local Rod and Gun club. One day, while swapping stories about birthing goats, I learned my favorite 4H friend also attended CC and decided to check it out. The rest is history!

I find the repetition that CC offers to be repetitive. We love repeating the memory work repetitiously. If I had it to do all over again, I would do it all over again. CC rocks!

People have always wanted to follow in my footsteps. I am humble enough to know that I am a natural-born leader. I have a vision of creating a “cult-like” following of Leigh Bortins in the region through one-day and eventually three-day Leigh-a-thons. CC was our family’s Polish Rambo*.”

I do hope you have a smile on your face. I promise I don’t have flowing locks I’m busy brushing.

*The Polish Rambo reference should be confusing to you. It is from a story we learned last night regarding the Global Home Education Conference held in Germany in 2012. One of the attendees shared the story of a child being placed in foster care because the parents were choosing to home school. The lawyer for the family described the refuge status and said there was a Polish Rambo available for hire to steal the child away if they could only raise enough money to pay for the helicopter. It was a sobering story – and highlighted the freedom we take for granted in the U.S.! Thank you to the Home school Legal Defense Association for protecting our freedom of educational choice!

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Ready for School

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It’s that time of year when everyone with school-aged children is freaking out just a little. It may come as a surprise to the traditional-school crowd, but all the homeschool parents I know are freaking out too.

It’s not all pajamas until noon and “let’s do our reading out on the trampoline today.”

I’m doing my own little tarantella dance in our house, trying to prepare by choosing items to compliment our Classical Conversations curriculum (which is completely awesome, by the way. Ancient Empires from every continent but Antarctica – that just excites me beyond all belief!).

It’s terrifying to know if things go horribly, bat-crazy wrong, there’s no one to blame but myself.

My fears of homeschooling basically boil down to five themes:

1. Our kids won’t ever fit in. Possibly because they’ll pick their noses, eat their boogers, and use Aquanet while telling strangers about the Songhali population of Africa and how the Russian czars were overthrown. Then I thought really hard and realized they have my gene code so fitting in is always going to be questionable and I’d rather they know a song about the Preamble of the Constitution than the names of all the Bratz dolls.

2. I want “me” time. My friend is, for the first time in a decade, going to have six hours of quiet time, all lined up in a row, because all of her four children are going to school starting tomorrow. She told me she scheduled a nail appointment and my eyes turned wickedly green with envy. I long for me time the way a chocoholic views a triple fudge brownie. Right about the time I decide I’ll never visit the bathroom by myself again, ever, in my entire life… I remember: “the days are long but the years are short.” My personal choice is to sacrifice oodles of free “me” time in this season of my life. No one is forcing me to do it, it’s my choice.

3. I don’t know how to teach. If you asked me to work in a day care or elementary school classroom I would likely combust in angst. Children are very, very scary and unpredictable. They are exhausting. They have small hands with itty-bitty fingers perfectly sized to fit into light sockets. Then I consider every generation of my family has held teachers, I used to teach college classes, and we froze a Ziploc baggie full of baby mice in our freezer before we ever started homeschooling so we could fully understand the life process of a mammal. We teach every day, just not always with worksheets.

4. It’s really hard. I have to admit, I really kind of hate homeschooling because it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had. It’s lonely and your daily companions are pint-sized mini-me’s who have full-sized opinions and highly functioning voice boxes. A year ago I couldn’t understand why I would put myself through this torture. And in January something clicked – I realized I love the learning moments I have with the girls. I went to the mall play area and noticed my kids were really considerate in comparison to the other children. And I realized things that are very hard for me to do… they build character and I want to be a better person.

5. Other people will think we’re a family of freaks. Granted, the homeschool movement is becoming more popular, but every time a customer comes into our office I feel I have to explain why our kids aren’t in school. Without fail, unless it’s another homeschooling parent, the customer says, “Oh, homeschool? I could never do that!”

That phrase makes me feel like a three-headed porpoise. (Complete with the “squee” sounds and splashing water.) A friend who is fostering recently posted this response to people’s reaction to her family decision for fostering. It so clearly echoes my feelings about homeschooling I wanted to share it here:

“Instead of … accolades, I’d prefer support. I’d rather you think of what I do as ordinary, thus seeing it as something you could easily do, than view it as an act of sainthood or martyrdom. Instead of asking why I do it, I’d rather you ask why I wouldn’t. Instead of seeing how it has disrupted my life, I’d rather you see the stability it has brought to [theirs]…”

Even though our intent is to homeschool through high school, we are taking this adventure on a year-by-year, child-by-child basis. Having a support community through Classical Conversations is a HUGE part of my courage to even embark on this journey.

What types of things are on your mind as you prepare for the school year?

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

“Ah-Ha” Homeschool

It's a finger monkey. It has nothing to do with this post.

I had an “ah-ha” homeschooling moment this week.

If you’ve checked out the links at the top of the blog, you probably saw my very serious explanation of why we’ve chosen to homeschool our little ones.

I mean everything there. Plus, if you get me into a conversation about homeschooling there’s a decent chance I’ll bring up John Dewey, educational reform, and talk until your eyes glaze over and you start desperately searching for something something shiny or an edible carbohydrate — anything! — to distract me from my fanatical zeal.

(It’s embarrassing, but true.)

The thing that’s so strange regarding my feelings about homeschooling is that, even though I’m pretty solidly sold on the whole concept, I kind of hate doing it.

Despite the fact it seems my husband and I are able to reproduce in pace with a pair of rabbits, I don’t actually like children very much. I like my kids (mostly), but until children in general are grown up (like upper teen years) I do my best to avoid them.

There are good reasons for this. Small children are unpredictable. They wiggle and squirm a lot. They scream for no reason. They are constantly emitting moist items (whether it be mucus, excrement or half-chewed Goldfish crackers). It there’s a loose piece of paneling anywhere in the city, you can guarantee a small child will find it, pull it loose, and slide your credit card into the gap.

Children are a menace to society.

But, back to the homeschooling. The section of each day where we actually do school is my very favorite, right up there with making people laugh out loud, singing in public places, and eating cherry cheesecake ice cream for dinner.

The problem I have with homeschooling is there’s so much of the day left around the time I spend actually teaching.

Yes, it’s the free time that bothers me. I don’t want to put forth the effort to schedule it, come up with activities, or basically parent intentionally for the rest of the day. It’s a shame to be lazy.

But this week the big girls went down for a rest time and nap and Tres was wide awake and simmering with unspent energy.

I had a pile of about nine books. We read them. We played Little Piggies. We rode horses. I read the books again. We identified body parts, touched different colored blocks, played hide and go seek, and sang songs.

That was in the first 15 minutes. After that I was exhausted.

Tres is able to communicate but it’s mostly in grunts accompanied by a lot of finger-pointing. If the imperious finger and a demanding grunt don’t get her what she wants, she pulls out the Cry Card and begins to keen at a decibel that makes small, squeaky dogs across the county jealous.

When Tres saw I was out of ideas for our special play time and that I was also unwilling to feed her candy corn, she had had enough. The screaming began.

At that moment, while deciding whether or not to fill my ears with bright orange plugs and go about my business, I had my “ah-ha” homeschooling moment.

It’s not a particularly insightful realization and it’s undeniably self-centered. But…

…if I didn’t homeschool I’d b at home for eight hours very day with a being comparable to a militant foreign exchange student with horrible personal hygiene. No hope for an intelligible string of words.

The very thought of it makes me feel faint.

I’ll hug the big kids tightly tomorrow and make a point of carrying on a conversation with them. Or two… or three. Any topic they choose. They’re actually redeeming my sanity!

In the meantime I’ll be praying for Tres’s language skills. Uh, uh, ug.

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Why We Homeschool

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OK. I’ll admit it.

We are a homeschooling family.

We don’t wear matching denim jumpers and our hair in buns, although we have been known to dress the kids in matching outfits.

As we begin this journey, I think it’s important to identify why we would choose to homeschool, especially since in so very many ways it would be easier to send the kids off to make friends and learn from a person who has a college degree in education and love for children.

Two quotes have deeply influenced my ability to consider homeschooling as a viable option:

“We should understand that teaching our children is our delight, our joy, our opportunity. When we see spending time with them as a burden, rather than a joy, we see further evidence of how encultured we have become. Children, biblically speaking, are a blessing from God. And we ought to seek out time with blessings from God, not plot out ways to avoid them, or hand them over to others.” – RC Sproul Jr. When You Rise Up

“When you face two options and each seems to please God, consider the one that displays God’s glory, power and strength. This makes room for God to reveal Himself to you and show Himself through you. Don’t be fearful about the hard road he may ask you to take… He desires to show Himself strong in you and will encourage you to do things that require trust and faith.” - Priscilla Shirer

I used to make fun of homeschoolers and swear I would never, ever let my kids be socially awkward freaks who were so sheltered from the world they couldn’t function and rebelled outrageously as soon as they had an opportunity.

Never say never.

As our little ones have grown closer and closer to school-age, we became more and more anxious. Something didn’t seem right. We sent Uno to Pre-K and loved her teacher… but never felt easy with the entire system.

So we are trying it a different way. We’re becoming the counter-culture. Here are some of our reasons why:

1. We like our children and believe it’s our primary responsibility to raise them. Our children are awesome. They’re quirky and funny, smart and sassy. We genuinely like them as human beings!

At the moment we conceived, we put on a new hat – to be the best stewards of this gift God has given us of life. It’s our job to take care of these little ones, protect them and cultivate them so they are able to A) do the work God needs them to do B) be the people they were created to be. Yes, others in the community help, but no one has the same level of responsibility we have as parents.

2. We want to be the primary influencers of our children. Humans become what they spend the most time doing. The time spent in school is equivalent to a full-time job and that’s a lot of time for a little person. At home, we carefully and intentionally construct our family, employment and life to create an environment we believe is family-centered, supportive, and Godly. We want to filter the influences on our children. As parents, we have a maturity our children haven’t acquired to discern what is helpful and not helpful to their development. If we don’t stand alongside them, we are abandoning them.

3. We know our children. Putting a single teacher in a classroom with 20+ wiggling, goofy children is the definition of madness. Who would willingly choose that?! How can I expect my child to get individualized attention from a teacher trying to teach social skills? It’s not fair to the teacher or my child.

Homeschoolers typically rate 37 percentage points higher than public school students. The average homeschool 8th grade student performs four grade levels above the national average (Rudner study). At home, I can work with my kiddo one-on-one, have the time to listen to them, make certain they understand a concept before moving on, and create an environment where mistakes are gently corrected instead of mocked. I know my kid and I care most for their well-being.

4. Children benefit from peer interaction, but profit from adult interaction. A friend of mine told me this. Yes, the social aspect of friendship is valuable, but as much as children benefit from peer interaction, they profit from interaction with adults who have maturity and wisdom we hope they emulate. After all, fart jokes and friendship bracelets can only take you so far in the free market.

5. We have a support group. I was terrified to homeschool because I didn’t think I was up to the challenge. I also didn’t realize it’s not rocket science. (Think of all the teachers you’ve had in your life – don’t you think you can at least do as well as they can?) I also didn’t want the kids to “miss out” on anything significant. We discovered Classical Conversations, a program that provides a framework for learning. There are weekly meetings for peer interaction and accountability and the level of academic instruction is amazing. Once I had that help, I was in!

Let it be said, you can accomplish all of our goals with your child in the public school system. I once had someone tell me my hesitancy to homeschool was a lie from the pit of hell – and she meant it! Good friends have their kids in public school and they are awesome, bright kids who are impacting their peer groups in a positive way.

Our decision to homeschool is not a condemnation on anyone who decides not to homeschool! But we do have an accountability to do what makes sense for our family. And this is a snippet of why we feel compelled to keep the ruffians at home.

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Here are some pieces of Scripture we’ve found helpful as we think about what family means and why we do what we do:

Psalm 127 1 EXCEPT THE Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; except the Lord keeps the city, the watchman wakes but in vain. 2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil–for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep.3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.5 Happy, blessed, and fortunate is the man whose quiver is filled with them! They will not be put to shame when they speak with their adversaries [in gatherings] at the [city’s] gate.

Romans 12 2 Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Deuteronomy 6 5 Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! 6 Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you 7 and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

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Stealing Faith

humor for relationships, family & life

Category Archives: Homeschooling

Octopus Testicles

The Truth About Homeschooling

Homeschool Biography

Ready for School

“Ah-Ha” Homeschool

Why We Homeschool