Trashed

ericortner / stock.xchngTrashed

If there is one thing, one tiny, itsy bitsy thing, that makes me scream the wild scream of insanity it’s having the kids go through our trash like suspicious reporters trying to find a nugget of discarded treasure.

We have always operated on a “no plowing through the trash” policy around here. I don’t go through the trash. My husband doesn’t go through the trash. Not even the Great Dane or the poodles go through the trash.

But the kids. They’re trash maniacs.

A drawing on a piece of paper? It’s treated like a long lost Picasso.

A broken toy? I gave up much too soon and with proper Tender Loving Care, unlimited access to glue sticks, and scissors it can be restored to wholeness.

And – God Forbid! – a sticker?! Just cause for a pyrotechnic display.

Today was particularly bad. One of our winter coats disintegrated in the post-season washing and I gave up on it. I hid it in a trash bag – yes, it was colored, you trash affectionados who have dealt with this before – and waited. But, alas, I should have removed it from the premises after bed time. Instead it was a ticking time bomb of emotion, innocently sitting beside our regular kitchen trash can.

It was discovered.

The tears began.

The questions… oh! The endless questions of motive!

Until I am left to hide behind my computer screen and pour my angst out to the world.

But the coat’s still in the bag.

Do you ever hide things from your children in the trash?

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Look for the Helpers

My world has been rocked by tragedy – as has yours, I bet. I always come back to this quote from Mr. Rogers:

Praying for Oklahoma and all those who are hurting everywhere.

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Great Apps for 5-Year-Olds

Favorite Apps Around Here

I recently posted about great apps for 7-year-olds and it turns out our 5-year-old is disgruntled that her opinion wasn’t solicited.

Everyone is so touchy these days!

In honor of our jealous 5-year-old, here you have it, the favorite iPhone/iTouch/iPad apps of our 5-year-old daughter:

1. Little Dentist. I hope you’re not like me. I get nauseated looking at all things teeth, a tendency which is really awful when you have a child losing their teeth and wanting to show you their wiggly tooth non stop. BUT – assuming you can handle teeth better than I can, your 5-year-old may enjoy an opportunity to use the dental tools to clean teeth and fill cavities. (Just not swish and spit.)

PBS Kids

2. PBS Kids. The PBS Kids app allows kids to watch different shows that air on PBS channel. Since each area has a local PBS station with a different line up, this app allows us to have our kids watch shows that aren’t aired in our area. Plus, all of the PBS shows have an educational component, something we really appreciate.

Money Pig

3. Money Pig. What could be more fun for a youngster than trying to catch money flying through the air? This game combines fun, finance, and swine in one place. What’s not to love?!

Highlights iSp

4. Highlights iSpy. My favorite magazine as a kid has come up with an app that encourages kids to use their spying skills to discern the location of hidden object. iSpy games are hit for our family!

Dots for Tots

5. Dots for Tots. I was honestly surprised when Dos told me this is one of her favorite games because it seems pretty elementary to me. Just connect the dots and make a picture. But she likes it, so it’s time to share it with you and hope it enhances your child’s numerical skill set.

Snail Race

6. Snail Race. There is no redeeming value to this game. It’s a snail wandering around and challenging different creatures to a race. That’s it. Nothing special. Nothing educational. And yet… it’s a favorite! They have to tap with their thumbs a lot to win the race. It’s the precursor to a lifetime of snail love.

Fruited Life.

7. Fruited. Remember when Tetris swept the nation and you’d sneak off to the arcade to slip a quarter into the Tetris game? Yeah. Me, too. Our kids don’t do that anymore. Instead they play really similar games in the privacy of their own homes. Bet they catch less germs that way!

Talking Gina

8. Talking Gina. I do NOT understand WHY the kids love the “talking” animals, but they do. Hearing something copy you word for word, over an over, is one of the most annoying things I can imagine. But all three kids like theirs so I’ve had to make peace with the Talking Gina et. al.!

9. Go Car Go. So, you build your car. You take a trip. The end. This app is supposed to be an excellent introduction to algebra. I’m glad it exists. The end.

Easy Bake Treats

10. Easy Bake Treats. Here’s another conundrum: why does my daughter get a major thrill out of pretending to decorate cakes and cupcakes. Is this a severely strange game? Yes. It is. But it encourages baking, so there’s that, right?

What are some of your favorite apps for kids?

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

My promise to You

It’s hard to make promises.

You never know when circumstances may change. When there will be a strange weather pattern. Or family disaster.

Life is just unpredictable.

With that being said. I feel comfortable making this promise to you:

I will never pose for a family portrait that looks anything like this.

I will never do this. Ever.

(For what it’s worth, when I showed this picture to Dos she said, “Awww! Those are so cute! Can we do that?!” My heartless answer? “NO.”)

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Impossible Polenta

geerticolp / stock.xchng

In keeping with the food theme of the blog this week, I made the worst family dinner of my life tonight. It was so bad, in fact, that my daughter said she wished she could eat salt instead.

Because salt is certain to fill her up.

I’m not certain what went wrong with the dinner except it appears we aren’t adventurous enough as a family to handle the Sautéed Mushroom Polenta with Eggs Emeals suggested for this week. I ended up with a frying pan full of polenta that could double as paint spackle and four children crying at the dinner table.

Them’s the breaks, kids, them’s the breaks.

Despite tonight’s culinary faux pas, I’m glad that we’re doing Emeals again. If you’re not familiar with the program, you can sign up for weekly menus. They tailor the recipes for the national discounts given at grocery stores, so you end up saving money and getting a nutritionally balanced meal plan that keeps you from having to think about anything!

This week we had four meals we’ve never seen before and tonight’s polenta will be going down in history but likely never resurfacing on our dinner table. In fact, when I told the kids it wasn’t my favorite, Uno lit up like a Christmas light and said, “Hallelujah! I prayed you would say we’d never have this again!”

I just thought I’d share for the people who feel like they’re horrible cooks. I never cook a meal where at least one of the kids won’t end up crying or complaining because they don’t like the food.

Them’s the breaks, kids, them’s the breaks. Ha!

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Hot Dog Pie

There was a BBQ. And at the end of the BBQ there were many, many hotdogs.

They came home with us. And I began to wonder what to do with all the hotdogs, as they aren’t on my list of things to eat all the time. The burps are deadly.

I came across this recipe and wanted to pass it on. It’s just the right amount for four kids an adult for lunch.

Hot Dog Pie

2 potatoes

3 hotdogs

1 can kernel corn

1/2 c. shredded cheese

garlic salt

chili powder

seasoning salt

I sliced my potatoes - but I'd recommend chunks if you do this at home.

I sliced my potatoes – but I’ll do potato chunks instead of slices next time.

Slice your hotdogs into little medallions.

Layer your potatoes and hotdogs in a pie pan. Sprinkle some garlic salt on the top.

Drain the can of corn, spread it over the top of the hotdog and potato layers. Season with chili powder and seasoning salt.

Add cheese over the top!
Bake in oven at 350* for 30 – 35 minutes (until cheese is melted and potatoes are soft).

The finished product. Looks kinda gross, but tastes yummy!

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2013 | All rights reserved

Octopus Testicles

Colossal Octopus by Pierre Denys de Montfort

I talked myself out of quitting homeschooling again today.

I quit homeschooling about twice a week. This is because my children do not sit obediently at little desks and look up at me with cherubic faces, begging to learn. Instead they do their work sprawled out on the sofa while bugging each other and there’s usually a younger sibling asking me for a snack, a drink, a potty time, etc. while I’m trying to explain the place value of numbers. It’s hectic!

When things get rough I go back to my original post about why we homeschool. Nothing has changed, but I wish this choice were easier! Since I have no compelling reason to challenge our original ideals, I love the curriculum we use with Classical Conversations, and I usually think my kids hung the moon after I’ve had a good night’s sleep, twice a week I tear up my resignation, put my big girl panties on, and stick around.

This week I’ve been analyzing the choice once again.

As you know, recently a car accident killed an acquaintance of ours and her children. Last month another family in our social circle lost their eight-year-old daughter in a boating accident.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about mortality, walking through the emotion of grief with these situations… and homeschooling came into play in my internal dialogue.

I’ve never been a “fire and brimstone” type of person – I don’t talk about life change based on the fear factor because I don’t believe we’re called to walk in fear and I also find fear to be a dirty motivator that doesn’t spawn lasting change.

But if, by a horrible circumstance, my children were killed in some way, I would be resentful of every moment I missed. I would hate that I didn’t see them read their first words, that I wasted the opportunity to know them in a moment-by-moment way.

Just this morning I was talking to Dos about Kraken, the mythological giant octopus that sailors of old used as spooky stories. We talked about fiction and myths and about the octopus of today. She thought about it and said:

“Mommy! An Octopus can be as big as the ceiling? Bigger than me?!”

“Yep, very big!” I assured her. It was a proud educational moment.

She got a look of shock on her face and said, “Oh! So I could get died from its mighty testicles?!”

“That’s tentacles, my dear,” I said. Proud moment… destroyed.

I will laugh about octopus testicles for the rest of my life! But if I had been rushing her out the door this morning with her lunch box and school bag… I would have missed it.

I believe our kids are a gift from God that are our responsibility to steward. It’s my job as a mom to satisfy their physical needs of food, housing, clothing, cleanliness. But it’s my privilege as a parent to meet their intellectual and emotional needs so that when the time comes they can be released into this world capable of functioning in a mature, well-versed and useful manner.

There is very little about the role of a mother that is easy. I would many times prefer to be back in my professional life because the lines aren’t so blurry and I’d work with people who already have a skill set as a functioning adult. (And don’t cry when I tell them no or ask me to wipe their behinds.)

But I don’t want to miss this. I don’t want to miss the octopus testicles. I want to be present at more than breakfast and bedtime, to live the process instead of witness only the end of the year performance.

My definition of motherhood may not work for anyone else – and that’s fine because it really only needs to fit me. But, for me, some things are more important than my preference or convenience. I choose attentiveness to those things for as long as this season lasts.

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That Ain’t Bambi

RAWKUS / stock.xchng

The past bit of time has been extremely hectic and filled with Concerns, so tonight I sat down and thought about things that make me laugh.

I took a look at Samba the Great Dane, who is roughly the size of a pony, and remembered the story of the deer who attacked a hunter. Take a moment to watch this video: Deer Attack.

Now. I’m not sure about you but to me there were two items giving this story a certain comic appeal:

A) Urine. I understand commitment to a hobby, but the guy sprayed the urine of another creature all over his body and into his mouth. That takes a special kind of crazy and it absolutely a respectable reason for getting his head hammered by a hoofed grazer.

B) Matrimony. This dude has obviously spent so much time hunting his wife has decided he has whatever he gets coming to him. The lady didn’t drop the video camera and run to assist… nope… she kept the camera rolling while her husband got molested by a wild animal.

As a child I visited a Deer Farm located near our home. I always loved petting and feeding the deer, their black, shiny, snotty noses snuffling after me for bits of corn. It was a highlight!

Now, I don’t think I’ll take my kids to the Deer Farm for quite awhile. I had never realized how vicious one of those animals can be,but lesson learned from my urine swigging friend, I will avoid the stag at all costs until my children are old enough to take one for the team themselves.

What stuck out to you about this video?

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Advice to the Soon-to-Be Mother

vancity197 / stock.xchng

It’s Mother’s Day and I heard a rumor that I am a mother.

The funniest part about that rumor is… it’s true! There are some people who think because I’ve birthed four children I know something about mothering… little do they know it only means I have lost the majority of my brain cells and have upped my potential need for Depends as a geriatric.

I have several friends who are about to pop with their first child, so in their honor, here are a few bits of advice to ponder about motherhood:

1. To my friend who has spent most of her life a slight bit smaller in circumference than the knuckle on my pinkie finger: your body will not ever recover from the stress of a multi-pound mass spreading your hips. You won’t care.

2. To my friend who has been fiercely independent and worried about being able to love anyone completely unselfishly: there will be a moment when you realize you will do anything for your child. It won’t be a feeling you planned, it will sneak up on you and suddenly you’ll be overwhelmed with an amazing amount of pure, unfiltered love and find yourself shopping for your child instead of yourself on your birthday or Mother’s Day. But don’t worry if it doesn’t happen immediately – you aren’t an emotional cripple. You’re adjusting to a new phase of life and that takes time.

3. To my friend who is finally pregnant after years of infertility: you will be disappointed. When you’ve waited so long for a dream to come true, it won’t ever quite match up exactly to your hopes and imagination. However… the reality will be more luscious and awesome than you could have envisioned for your life. And it will be worth it.

4. To my friend who is finally having the baby of the opposite gender: you’ll be glad you were a Scrooge and kept the toys the older kiddos didn’t like. This new one will be interested in them, because no matter what social science would like us to believe, there are innate gender differences.

5. To my friend who discovered the vasectomy failed: I’m praying for you. And will be here to lend support as needed – but it’s obvious God had a plan for you that’s destined to be fantastic – and when God has a plan it’s a pretty good idea to fall in line.

Now, in the nature of miscellaneous motherly advice, here you go, you new mothers and moms-to-be:

Go to MOPS. It’s a place you don’t have to suck your tummy in.
Spend less time thinking about the crib bedding and more time staring into their eyes. That’s time well spent.
Carry your child across your midsection for the first several months. People will notice their cuteness instead of your leftover lard baby.
Let people hold the baby. There will be fewer offers once the child gets older and limited exposure to strange people germs builds immunities.
Be intimate with your husband. Yes, I know that’s how you got knocked up in the first place but he’ll be there in your old age while your kids are backpacking Europe and having their own babies. Keep him happy and he’ll keep you happy.
Try not to worry about the sleep issue. No one really knows what’s best for sleep training and half of us are sleep deprived for decades. Just invest in a coffee pot and a sense of humor.
Don’t scrimp when it comes to buying a nursing bra. You live in those things 24/7, so get what’s comfortable.
Never underestimate the joys of a nice pair of yoga pants. They cover a multitude of abdominal sins and don’t carry the surrendered, shameful stigma of pajama jeans.
Let people open the doors and give up their seats for you. The pregnancy is a brief, blissful interlude of time where people will go out of their way to make your life a bit more comfortable. In just a few short months you’ll be getting the stink eye from the Granny as your kiddo screams their way through the check out line… enjoy the non-judgmental courtesy while you can.
Create memories. Write down why you’re excited about being a mother, your perceptions of parenting. Find a special token that will remind you of the hope and anticipation involved in child rearing. Remember you can truly like to spend time with your children, even when they’re teenagers! Give yourself touch points to come back to in the times of struggle. They will remind you why you’re willing to go out in public with vomit on your shoulder. Because they’re worth it.

What pieces of advice would you offer to a new mom?

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Comforted

dogmadic / stock.xchng

We’ve been gone to a rabbit show, which was pretty fun. I have a saucy competitive streak in me and we were able to do well with several of our rabbits, so that made me very happy.

On the way back from the show we decided to take the kids through some of the national parks. And now, tonight, we find ourselves stuck in a ridiculously over priced hotel in Sequoia National Park because of a snow storm.

We pulled a 5th wheel and it’s been absolutely awesome… until tonight when the sleet and hail had us sliding out of control on the roads with sheer mountain drops on the side.

I prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more. Lizard was extremely tense and said he was having visions of looking at me and saying, “I’m sorry!” as we all fell to our death. It was pretty… out there. The kids were watching Anne of Green Gables and had no idea of what was happening.

We saw some bears. And some deer. And then we saw the road sign advertising a hotel and decided we’d take it regardless of the price. My, oh my, is this hotel making a killing tonight. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

After getting everyone in the room and learning long distance calls were charged (of course our cell phones aren’t working here in the park), I discovered the wireless was working! Of course I checked Facebook to distract myself from the last hairy bit of time we’d had…

… and learned the boys my kids played with all weekend and their mom were killed in a head on car accident on their way home.

I’m so rattled I feel like I can’t breath. I’m shocked and terribly, terribly upset. I know life is fragile. I write life is fragile. I recognize that as humans we don’t function well unless we pretend we’re tough, we’re strong, and we can do it.

But then life comes along and knocks the breath out of us.

I find myself obsessing about this horrible, tragic event. My hands shake, my stomach is in knots, I’m crying. This isn’t a tragedy that’s about me, or my family, but having walked so intimately with fear while driving in the snow this afternoon I know that, but by the grace of God, it could have been us.

I know that obsession is not useful, that I need to take a breath, think about something else, and then come back for more processing. So what do I do?

The best way to replace a thought in your head is to concentrate on something else. It’s rarely successful to stop a thought by thinking, “I can’t think about that anymore.” So, instead I need to actively choose another thought pattern.

As you know, I’ve been memorizing the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) So I might as well start there, reviewing what I’ve already learned.

“And when Jesus saw the crowd gathered he began to teach them… blessed are the poor in spirit…

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted…”

I don’t understand why this crash happened. I probably never will, but I do trust and believe that those who mourn shall be comforted and that there is a good out of the most awful circumstances.

I got distracted, wanted to see if anyone from her family had posted on her Facebook page. Want to know what I found? A cover photo that said “FROG” – Fully Rely On God with the verse “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

That wasn’t changed today as someone scrambled to find something relevant to this situation. She’s always had that on her facebook page because that’s how she chose to live her life.

I bet she never knew she would minister to someone posthumously with a Facebook cover photo. But she did… Because, strangely, those who mourn are comforted…

If you can, send a prayer up for the Howell family, and hug those around you for a second longer. Life is fragile.

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Stealing Faith

humor for relationships, family & life

Trashed

Look for the Helpers

Great Apps for 5-Year-Olds

My promise to You

Impossible Polenta

Hot Dog Pie

Octopus Testicles

That Ain’t Bambi

Advice to the Soon-to-Be Mother

Comforted