Category Archives: I’m Married!

Anecdotes about marriage

10 Tips For Marrying The Wrong Person

Runaway Bride
Runaway Bride

Here we are, in the final installment of You Married the Wrong One, this time taking a sharp look at how to choose the best one out of all the wrong ones out there.

 

Confused yet?

 

The sad but true fact is you will marry someone who will exasperate you, hurt you, and make you angry. They will be lazy, depressed, self-centered, annoying, foolish and stinky on occasion.

 

This Is True.

 

BUT, you will also marry someone who will make you laugh, be fun to be around, and fill your life with a greater richness.

 

Now that sounds good, doesn’t it?

 

How do you make the right choice for the one who will bring you more joy than heartache? I’ve already covered finding someone you love rather than lust for, but I have a little more to add.

 

Just say No.

 

Nope, it’s not just a slogan from the ’80s and my beloved Nancy Reagan, it’s a real phrase we should all be using regularly but especially when it comes for our search for The One.

 

The authors of a book I haven’t read, How To Marry The Wrong Guy: A Guide For Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life, were quoted in an article I did read that they discovered three out of ten divorced people will admit they knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle.

 

According to the authors most women (and men) who want to cancel their weddings don’t.

 

“I couldn’t believe how many people confessed that they knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle,” says author Anne Milford. “I had people of all ages tell me this over and over again. They’ve said ‘I do’ — when they really wanted to scream ‘I don’t’.”

 

This may sound melodramatic except it resonates with me very strongly.

 

Because before I met my true love I was engaged to another man. *gasp*

 

I am a woman of broken betrothal.

 

He was a great guy, now married to someone else and doing lovely things with his life. And there was nothing wrong with our relationship.

 

My logic told me to marry him, as we had dated for a year, were planning to be engaged for a year and then get married. We followed the expected formula for a relationship. There were no issues. He was great.

 

But when he asked me to marry him in a terribly romantic proposal with a terribly large diamond ring… my inside was saying, “No!” while my mouth was saying, “Yes!”

 

I was the woman who couldn’t say, “No.”

 

We were engaged for several months before I called it off. I still hate that I hurt him so badly, because there was no reason I could give him for breaking the engagement except, “It just isn’t right.”

 

Which is a pretty poor reason, all things considered.

 

(Who’s the jerk? “I am! I am! I was a jerk even before I knew him, me! Me! Me!”)

 

But after I met Lizard… I knew why my gut had said “no.” It was because I hadn’t met my “yes” yet.

 

That experience cemented my belief in breaking off a relationship even if it doesn’t make “sense” when the base-level feeling isn’t, “Yes!”

 

Some more guidelines to choosing your special someone, the one you’d rather fight with than anyone else:

 

Don’t Pick Someone…

 

1. You expect will change or mature out of bad behaviors after you’re married.
2. Who makes your heart go pitter-patter when your brain isn’t engaged as well.
3. Without the same spiritual and life goals.
4. Because you had sex with them.
5. You don’t honestly admire. Their influence should make you want to be a better version of yourself.
6. You can’t be open and honest with.
7. Because you’re running from your own personal trash pile.
8. Because you’re afraid of being alone.
9. Because they’re the only one who’s ever wanted you and there may not be anyone else wanting you. Ever.
10. To make your family or friends happy. 

 

Got that? JUST SAY NO!!!

 

I expect by tomorrow I’ll be back in the saddle again with my quirky take on exciting things like laundry, parenting, and the joys of garage sales. In the meantime, let me know what you think of this One That Got Away/Wrong Person series. And… give me your own submissions for the worst story lines ever!

 

This post was originally published October 1, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

How To Get Married In Six Months Or Less

Daniel.Lee / compfight.com

StealingFaith has grown so much over the last year many of you have probably never read some of the earlier posts. And tonight I had to giggle when thinking back to the early days of our move…

 

So, for your reading pleasure, please enjoy the story of how getting married in six months or less became part of our family culture. May your smile be sweet and your dating relationships short.

 

How To Get Married In Six Months Or Less

 

Today is my parent’s 43rd wedding anniversary.

 

Lizard and I will have our 7th wedding anniversary in a month.

 

After an exhausting search of Wikipedia and Google I’ve learned if I add our respective years of marriage together that means this little snippet holds the wisdom of 50 years of wedded bliss and that, mon amie, makes this post golden, I tell you, golden.

 

Much to my dismay I also discovered that on our own, Lizard and I are traditionally only worth wool and copper this anniversary (my folks are in the Ruby region).

 

Back to the story.

 

Both my parents and yours truly met and married our spouses within six months.  (To make things even a little more mind blowing, Lizard’s parents and grandparents as well as my sister and brother-in-law met and married within six months as well.  We all know how to move quickly when we find the one who makes our hearts go pitter-pat.)

 

In honor of my parents and because I just feel like it, I’ve created a list of the five things you shouldn’t do on a first date unless you want to get married in six months.

 

(It’s a list as inexplicable as voodoo and as charming as the Easter Bunny.)

 

Here goes:

 

1. Catapult dish candies across the living room. When my dad arrived to pick my mom up for their blind date she asked him to wait while she finished getting ready.  In the short moments available to him while he waited the candy dish on the living room table called his name.  He reached for some and in a tragic fumble launched the candy dish across the room where it hit the wall and scattered M&M’s throughout the realm.  My mom arrived in the living room to find my dad on his hands and knees with fistfuls of colorful chocolate.  Great first impression.

 

2.  Respond to a question about where you went to college with a detailed account of each person you remember with fondness. On our first date that wasn’t a date (we didn’t actually date until we were engaged.  Long story for another time.) I innocently asked Lizard about his college experience.  He responded with extensive details about the lives of each of his friends.  I didn’t have to do anything but say, “Uh-huh.  Really?” for one and a half hours.

 

3.  Violate the bubble of personal space of your date. After my dad returned the candy dish to the table he and my mom drove to dinner in a Volkswagon Bug.  Just a few weeks before my dad had totalled another bug in a rollover accident.  He walked away unharmed because he was wearing his seatbelt.  My mom didn’t buckle her seat belt when she got in the car (it was 1968, strapping yourself to moving metal as a safety mechanism wasn’t a wide-spread philosophy!) and my dad unthinkingly decided to buckle her in.  With no explanation whatsoever my mom’s date lunged across the car at her and began pawing at her rumpus area.  She found it rather disconcerting while my dad viewed his actions as protective.  This is why Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

 

4.  Launch into a man-hating feminist diatribe. Lizard and I watched the movie Mona Lisa Smile on our first date that was not a date.  During the hour and a half drive home I railed against the sexist mentality of higher education and the men who refused to allow women to excel using their God-given talents both inside – and outside – of the home.  Lizard was mostly silent. I was full of outrage.  For one and a half hours.  It was awkward.

 

5. Tell your date you’re sure they’d have more fun without you and you want to go home. My mom doesn’t drink alcohol.  When she and my dad met the man who set them up on the blind date they discovered him liquored up in the bar because he’d gotten in a fight with his wife and arrived early.  He suggested they all get a drink before dinner.  And during dinner.  And after dinner.  And then that they go to a new dance club that was all the rage.  My mom looked at my dad and said, “It’s obvious you want a girl who drinks and parties and I’m not the kind of girl.  So please take me home now and you can go out and find a date who suits your interests for the rest of your evening.”  He took her home.  And proposed four weeks later.

 

(Funny story, my dad recently confessed to my sister that he thinks my mom was on her best behavior during their courtship.  Just imagine their wedded bliss.)

 

There are my five recommendations for actions to take if you’re trying to get married within six months.  Do you have any stories of dates gone horribly awry that lead to lasting love?

 

This post was originally published February 20, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

You Married the Wrong One. For Real.

Showcase_01Two years ago I fell in love with a purse.

 

I can’t describe what made this purse so incredibly wonderful, but it was. It was everything I had ever wanted in a purse but the price tag… oh the price tag was right up there with getting a root canal and I was not going to pay it.

 

So I didn’t. It was the one that got away.

 

Funny thing, even though I made a choice to let that purse go, every time Iwalk into the purse section of a store I think about the purse that got away.

 

Yesterday I took a few minutes to walk through the purse section at a store and thought again about the purse. Come on! How many times do I need to worry about a purse?!

 

For some reason all this purse distraction made me think about the concept of “the one that got away.”

 

Whether it’s the big fish that broke the line, the old flame who captivates our fantasy, or the chance you had to invest in Apple before it was, well, Apple, we all have stories about the one that got away.

 

The most debilitating “one who got away” is when you believe you missed out on the true love of your life.

 

At some point most people will wake up in their marriage and think, “I’m so tired of seeing how different I am from them in X, Y, and Z. I married the wrong person.”

 

So what do you do then?

 

I have some news to impart that may surprise you.

 

You DID marry the wrong person.

 

“But, how can this be?! You, you who post things about how much you love your husband, how can you say you married the wrong person?!”

 

And you would be right. I do love my husband. But he’s still the wrong person. And I’m the wrong person for him.

 

We are full of awful traits. Not just the silly stuff like getting on each other’s nerves.

 

We are wrong. Just wrong.

 

That doesn’t mean we pack up camp and try a new campsite. In fact, just the opposite.

 

The key is our love for each other and for God helps us choose on a daily basis to become Right.

 

If you had married the one who got away I guarantee you would not have the problems you see in your current relationship.

 

Nope. Not those problems.

 

But you’d have other ones, problems you can’t even suspect right now because you aren’t living in close proximity to that special someone who occupies your thoughts on occasion.

 

Because we’re all the wrong person.

 

What do you think about this idea? I’d love to hear! Does it bring up more questions for you?

 

This post was originally published September 11, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

Going Natural

There’s a little bit of a punk in me.  Maybe it’s in you as well?

 

Because I’m a stinker, sometimes I do things just to get a rise.  I guess it’s my way of checking my mental pulse.

 

One of the ways I do this is to follow blogs and news from sources holding different values than I hold.  I’m a firm believer that untested philosophies are worthless, so if I can be challenged to defend my point of view I’m likely going to be more intelligent about my opinion and more likely to convince others I’m right!

 

(Let’s be honest, it’s all about being right, right??)

 

I recently read an article about how underutilized the IUD is as a form of birth control.  If you’d like to read the entire story, here’s the link.

 

Here’s this nasty, hard-looking device being promoted as awesome.  Forgive me, I like to avoid a plastic anchor being placed into my body just so I won’t possibly be burdened with a child!

 

What really made my blood boil was the innocently offered statement:

 

“Today’s options are t-shaped and work by damaging and killing sperm, as well as changing the uterine lining to make it an especially inhospitable environment for little embryos (should the sperm survive).”

 

I can’t help but become outraged because that’s not just an inhospitable environment for the sperm to survive… that’s a fully viable child that’s being destroyed because the fertilized egg can’t implant!

 

When I think about the absolute magic that comes with childbearing and the odds against a child being conceived and carried to term it makes me incredibly sad that so many people make the choice to halt the life of a child based on thoughtlessness and convenience.

 

(In case you haven’t figured out, I believe life starts at conception, the moment that little sperm hits that little egg and fireworks erupt.)

 

Going cold turkey with birth control isn’t a viable option for most people, I realize.  After all, I am pro-child but fully terrified of ending up living in an asylum for small children à la Dugger-style.

 

I didn’t want to be on the birth control pill anymore but I didn’t want to practice free lovin’ either.  I didn’t like the hormones of the Pill and I didn’t like learning that during each year I had been on the Pill I had likely conceived three times but my body had created an “especially inhospitable environment” and flushed that baby out.

 

While there were definitely other options available I wanted something that was easy, logical and effective.  (And not so messy, either.  Because I’m a sissy and don’t like messes.)

 

At the time I was exploring options for birth control a friend passed on a very valuable resource, here it is.

 

My friend told me about the book Love and Fertility published by the Family of the Americas Foundation.  The explanation of this method is logical, easy to understand, and it also helped me understand my own body.

 

For us, it has been 100% effective.

 

So I’d like to share it with you.  I hope this makes you at least think of birth control options – and perhaps take a chance on going natural!

 

(I recommend buying the book from the Family of the Americas Foundation.  I included the link to the book on Amazon.com just because I thought you might enjoy reading the comments.)

 

This post was originally published May 23, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

How to Annoy Your Spouse

nighthawk7 / stock.xchng

Every once in awhile I get a wee bit of the devil in me, don’t we all?!

 

Admittedly, when the devil crops up in my life, my poor husband is usually the recipient. Tonight, inspired by this blog post, I want to share a few things that will likely inspire ire in your spouse.

 

1. Wake them up at dawn by singing the fight song of your college alma mater.

 

2. Eat chips in bed… on their side.

 

3. Leave cabinet doors open at eye level, begging for their head to be smashed.

 

4. Spend a lot of time on the toilet, the sacrosanct room of the house. But make sure you bring your smart phone to play Words with Friends or check status updates.

 

5. Place Saran Wrap over the toilet seat before going to bed at night.

 

6. Put yogurt in the mayonnaise jar but forget to mention the swap.

 

7. Sell possessions they brought into the marriage on Craig’s List.

 

8. Ask if you can talk during critical moments of television time.

 

9. Cry. Inexplicably. Just cry. Get it all out.

 

10. Order a different beverage than they order, then drink all of their beverage.

 

11. Leave the bathroom door cracked open while they shower.

 

12. Take the batteries out of the remote control. Ask them to fix it for you.

 

13. Put a rubber band around the handle on the kitchen sink spray nozzle. Point it towards the front of the sink and wait for them to turn on the water.

 

14. Reverse their contact lenses in the case.

 

15. Switch around the contacts on their phone. Exchange their best friend’s name for their parent’s.

 

16. Fill the mail box with ping pong balls or packing nuts. Ask them to get the mail for you.

 

17. Remove the plastic bags from cereal boxes and switch them around. Leave them wondering why Cheerios came out of a box of Lucky Charms.

 

18. Take some nail polish and coat a bar of soap with it. Let it dry. Then put it in the bathroom shower. When they try to use it, they will go nuts trying to get it to lather up.

 

19. Barely unscrew the lightbulb in their nightstand. Repeatedly.

 

20. Hide a large inflatable or scarecrow-type item behind the shower curtain.

 

For the record, I was born missing the “fun” gene. So, while I tend to think teasing my husband is great fun, I get mad when he turns these pranks around on me.

 

So I’ve learned not prank him. Because he always gets me back… worse. And then I get angry and that’s not awesome for marital harmony. So use your best judgement for your own relationship and don’t blame me for the consequences.

 

If all these pranks and annoying goodies are making you feel badly about how you treat your significant other, then take a gander over here to get some ideas of how to really love your mate.

 

In the meantime, what ideas do you have for annoying your spouse or playing an innocent prank on them?

 

This post was originally published September 28, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

Be A Commitment-Phobe. Please.

Patti Stanger of the Millionaire Matchmaker.

Two nights ago I had a brawl with a gal about my affinity for the Millionaire Matchmaker.

 

We went back and forth via facebook commentary about why Millionaire Matchmaker was better than American Choppers, Lizard got involved, it was lively and I defended Patty to the hilt.

 

Yet I feel compelled to tell you I am not a complete Millionaire Matchmaker devotee.

 

(In fact, if you’re not watching it now please do not start. It will bring nothing to your life. At all. It’s my guilty pleasure, but it’s kind of like Glee. I watched Glee for awhile because I kept seeing people post about how amazing it was. And it’s not. Sorry if that offends you but Glee is NOT GOOD. And neither is Millionaire Matchmaker.)

 

I love watching the train wreck of people and I’m generally fascinated and in love with talking about relationships, so the show is right up my alley. But, regardless of the fact the Daniel Kibblesmith episode was amazing and included the most awkward kiss ever, I don’t think she was nice to him because he was utterly charming without the makeover and you can feel nothing but love for a guy with “kibble” in his last name.

 

I appreciate Patty’s gusto and bluntness (but not her language) but I’m going to take issue with one of her philosophies.

 

She always says a broken engagement is a sign of commitment phobia.

 

Yes, that may be true in the occasional case but in general I’m going to say a broken engagement is a sign of good sense.

 

If someone is smart enough to recognize their doubts and get out while the gettin’s good, huzzah for them.

 

Because do we really need to add to the divorce rate statistic? Do we really need people in marriages that are dodgy and breed adultery?

 

If you’re going to commit to someone for a lifetime then you should commit. Not 90%. Not 95%. Commit. 100%.

 

And if you can’t say that, if you’re going back and forth and writing a pro and con list, if you have doubt while you’re engaged… cut the line and back away.

 

Ignore Patty. You’re not a commitment-phobe. You realize the importance of what you’re about to do and you’re being wise.

 

That’s what I have to say about that. I don’t know if it will affect my viewing relationship with the Millionaire Matchmaker, but I do know it’s important to me to make a definitive statement.

 

And I also mean what I said about Glee. Cut the line. Get out while the gettin’s good.

 

This post was originally published October 19, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

50 Little Nudges Out of the Big Rut

andybahn / stock.xchng

If you’re like me, on occasion things around the homestead get a little hairy and one day you are sipping a cup of the strongest coffee your machine can make and you realize you haven’t really looked your spouse in the eye for a few days.

 

It’s not a pretty realization. It makes me sad.

 

I think I’m not the only one who has this problem.

 

So I started brainstorming simple ways you can communicate love to your MOST significant other… if you incorporate just a few of these into your life, it can only help the hubba-hubba factor increase!

 

1. Hug for 30 seconds or longer. Relax into it.

2. Make eye contact.

3. Finish a conversation from start to finish, despite distractions.

4. Fix their coffee for them.

5. Make sure you’ve got your schedule on the master calendar.

6. Switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

7. Load/unload the dishwasher.

8. Plan a spontaneous trip.

9. Leave a love note in their lunch box.

10. Make a list of the reasons why you married them, then share it with them.

11. Give a back rub.

12. Let them go to the bathroom first when you’re both racing for it.

13. Ask them on a date.

14. Post a status update complimenting them, make sure you tag them in it.

15. Clarify for true understanding when tensions escalate.

16. Discover something new together.

17. Laugh. Tell a joke. Be silly.

18. Say, “I love you. Forever.”

19. Compliment them in front of your children.

20. Remind yourself of how you felt when you were dating.

21. Dust/clean their side of the bedroom.

22. Ask them what’s on their mind. Listen to the response.

23. Make their needs and wants your  priority.

24. Give them a gift.

25. Allow them time with friends without guilt.

26. Be nice to their family members.

27. Pray for them.

28. Say you’re proud of what they do.

29. Make an inside joke.

30. Go on a date.

31. Take care of yourself.

32. Acknowledge their “A” for efforts.

33. Give them grace. Repeatedly.

34. Tell them their dreams aren’t foolish.

35. Be someone pleasing to spend time around.

36. Flirt with them.

37. Snatch quick kisses at the stoplight/drive through.

38. Hold hands.

39. Let them speak without interruption.

40. Don’t jump to conclusions.

41. Assume good will and that you’re on the same team.

42. Don’t say anything when you want to be critical.

43. Talk up their best qualities to your friends and family.

44. Clean up your messes.

45. Follow through on your promises.

46. Get in a tickle fight.

47. Indulge in something mutually enjoyable.

48. Respect them as you would your friend.

49. Don’t criticize yourself.

50. Play footsie under the table.

This post was originally published June 13, 2012 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

We Broke The Bed

We’ve been on a romance theme here at StealingFaith.com and up until last summer my most embarrassing moment involved a one-time romantic interest so I’ll just bite the bullet, give you a good chuckle, and tell you all about it.

 

(Just in case you’re wondering, my new most embarrassing moment is really… embarrassing. I don’t know if I’ll be able to share it publicly on StealingFaith.com but if I do I promise you will helplessly pee your pants with laughter. I’m hoping I never have a more embarrassing moment. Ever.)

 

(But up until then, this story I’m going to tell you was my winner.)

 

Back in the summer in between graduating from college and starting my master’s degree I got a little crush. We shall call him “Joe” and he shall be called my “Joe-crush.”

 

In June we hung out and by the 4th of July I was certain my crush was in solid running to be Someone Special. We even held hands. It was a Big Deal.

 

But, life intruded, I went out-of-state for graduate school and he continued his awesomeness in one zip code and I continued my awesomeness in another. We still thought highly of one another but it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

Fast forward. I’m happily married to Lizard for a full seven months and we have been convinced to participate in the Christmas dinner theater by dressing up as a Navy man and his girl and dance to Bernard/Smith’s Winter Wonderland.

 

Lizard used spirit fingers, danced a box step, and dropped me into a backward bend for the big finish while wearing a sailor uniform. Yep. He loved me then and he loves me now.

 

The special surprise for our dinner theater was Joe was back in town to perform! He is an incredible musician, so this was a treat in the best sense of the word.

 

It was the first time we had seen each other in person since our hand-holding summer of thwarted romance and while we were very happy to say, “Hi,” we didn’t really know what to say.

 

We covered the basics of the weather, how we were, how we’d been spending our time, and whether those Broncos were in the running for the Super Bowl. (Hope springs eternal. I would also like to mention I wanted to write “bowl” and wrote “bowel” instead the first time.) Joe, Lizard and I were all standing huddled together in the alcove, waiting for our turn to perform.

 

There was a lull in the conversation and I took leave of my senses. Inanely, while leaning against my husband I bleated, “We broke the bed last night.”

 

We were in a church. It’s amazing there wasn’t a lightening bolt from God above right there to do me in.

 

Lizard gave me a look I will never, ever forget. That was the first time he had genuine reason to believe he’d married a mad woman.

 

What I should have shared was the night before our poodle was rolling around in the middle of our bed. Lizard, who truly lives to torture poodles, saw her from the adjoining bathroom and decided to play a spunky trick.

 

From the doorway of the bathroom he launched himself toward the bed and the unsuspecting poodle. As he was mid-flight he let out a huge roar and the poodle may or may not have wet herself in shocked surprise that her life was about to end.

 

Lizard landed on the bed with a solid thunk.

 

Which was immediately followed with a metallic crash that shook the whole house as the bed frame gave way under the weight and trajectory of the sneak attack.

 

I may or may not have wet myself at that point.

 

It was a big, funny story. Something worth talking about to a friend – and it was timely because it had happened less than 24-hours before.

 

But instead of actually telling the story I said, “We broke the bed last night.”

 

My Joe friend blushed clear through the roots of his hair. It’s true, he turned bright red on his face and hot pink in his hair and his mouth gaped open, showing lovely white teeth on a field of pinky pinkness.

 

“I’m very happy for you,” he said. Then he politely looked away.

 

I wanted to die.

 

Because, really, once you’ve gone that direction, there’s no graceful way to get out. Open mouth, insert foot.

 

I do that pretty well. Lizard says my filter is set too low sometimes. I think he’s right.

 

The moral of the story: Think before you speak and never tell a past quasi-crush you broke the bed with your spouse the night before. It will be awkward. Even if it’s true.

 

What embarrassing romantic stories do you have? And, please, if you enjoy what you’re reading here, share it with your friends… your parents… your past romantic flames… I live for blog clicks! 🙂

 

This post was originally published August 29, 2011 and is being recycled as part of the “I’ve Been Around” summer! Hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

If you like this post, feel free to share it (with attribution).
Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

Playing the Field

LKay / stock.xchng
LKay / stock.xchng

Do you ever wish your marriage was easier? Friendlier? Different?

 

Everyone who has been married for more than about 10 minutes has a moment or two when the twinkle in their eye turns into a hard glint and they wonder exactly what universe their spouse inhabits and how it ever connected with their own long enough to say, “I do”!

 

Last week, after several weeks of lack of communication in our household due to sickness, parenting, and busyness, I was having one of those moments. You know the ones… when your temper is short, the chip on your shoulder is large, and you find yourself wanting to snatch yourself bald in frustration!

 

Oh, those are the moments ripe for shoving your foot in your mouth.

 

Fortunately for me, this time, wisdom intervened and the perspective I gained from them helped me re-establish communication with my husband in a kind, authentic, and thoughtful way. Can I share it with you?

 

First, two blogs posted the same quote from Elizabeth Elliot on the same day, so I found two emails stating the same thing when I turned on the computer:

“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”

 (As quoted in Feminine Appeal, Mahoney, p 41)

Well. Doesn’t that stink to read from two sources right when you’re hitting your stride in a hissy fit?!

 

I was so disgruntled about the truth in this statement that later that day I complained to a girlfriend. She whapped me over the head with another simple, profound illustration:

“If you were a coach, say of a soccer team, you’d be intentional about every player you put on the field, right?” my wise friend said. I agreed with her premise.

“If you want a really competitive team you make sure you have the right person on the field for the right position. And once you’ve gotten that dynamic team put together, you guard it very carefully.” She waited for my nod before going on.

“If you were that coach, after really investing in each of those players and teaching them their positions – would you pull the goalie out and ask them to be a striker?” she asked me. “Of course not! Because they are the goalie and they’re excellent at being a goalie… and there is another player who is excellent in the forward position.”

“You’d never expect your keeper to score for you because that’s not their gifting; you’d also never put your forward in the box and expect them to accomplish a shut out.” By this time I knew where she was going but somehow managed to keep my mouth shut and not interrupt her.

“Your spouse has been designed to play a position on the “Life Team” that is perfect for them… but they aren’t created to play every single position on the field and it’s not fair to ask them to do that,” she said. “Instead, why not celebrate them for the role they do fill with excellence and back off the criticism when they aren’t perfect in every way?”

 

Makes sense to me! Isn’t it awesome when your friends are incredibly smart?! Hope this perspective helps you as much as it did me this week!

 

Here’s to giving your spouse grace… and a prompt to celebrate them for what they do best this week!

 

 

 

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Drummers, please Drum: Introducing…

Bubby's first photo opportunity, back when we though he was a girl.
Bubby’s first photo opportunity, back when we though he was a girl.

I’m doing my own version of the 12 Days of Christmas this year. Today, on the day lyrically celebrated by 12 drummers drumming, I’m going to republish the 12th most popular post on StealingFaith in 2012.

 

That’s a lot of twelves. I like the symmetry of it all. While you enjoy this little walk down memory lane, I’m going to sit next to my husband on the sofa, listen to the snow fall, and watch a pre-recorded Duck Dynasty. Yep, my life is exciting like that.

 

And, in case you thought I was announcing a fifth pregnancy, Gotcha. No. Way. Hoo. Say.

 

Without further ado: Introducing…

 

I’ve decided to call this one “Fyra,” that’s “four” in Swedish.

 

We are not Swedish in ancestry, though I have often admired the Swedish beauty, strength and braids. “Fyra” is easier to type than “cuatro,” “quattro,” or “si,” which is Japanese and easy to type, but also sounds so similar to their word for death it is often confusing to the non-native speakers.

 

So… we’ll go with the Swedes.

 

And we’re really excited to meet this new little one. The ultrasound maestro said she’s 80% sure this little one is a girl.

 

We like girls.

 

(The December 18, 2012 response to this post… this was the single highest read post that wasn’t a search engine fluke I’ve ever had on StealingFaith. Turns out… there was an unnoticed appendage in the above ultra sound photo and we produced a boy instead of a girl. And I call him Bubby, not Fyra. He’s pretty cool – we’ve discovered we like boys, too.)

 

 

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Copyright © StealingFaith.com 2010-2019 | All rights reserved

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