Posts That Brought You Here – May Edition

Each month people find StealingFaith through random internet searches. Each month I get a sincere kick out of the creativity my online compatriots show.

 

Tonight I’d like to mock that creativity. Here are some of my favorite search terms from the last month and the posts I suspect they connected with on StealingFaith:

 

1. belly don’t gruff. The first thing I’d like to point out is there should be a goat involved in this statement. The second is this past week Dos told me her stomach was grumbling because she had a mole in it. The third? I think they may have been trying to connect to my post, Friends, Critics, and Trolls.

 

2. should a youth pastor drink with the youth. Many youth group functions involve drinking. Some even involve vomit, like the Gallon Challenge. I’m all about the youth pastor sharing a drink with the youth in those circumstances. If the beverage of choice involves anything name Dos Equis, a Screwdriver, or hard alcohol I have a pretty clear – NO! in response to this question.

 

3. pinterest voodoo doll. I need to make it clear that, though I hate glitter and most crafts, I have never, ever searched pinterest for a voodoo doll. I think this term ended up here because when I went to the movie theater to watch We Bought A Zoo, I had to text myself an amazing quote and I was scared someone would physically harm me for texting during the movie. I also can’t walk across lawns without a great sense of guilt. I’m a law-abiding citizen.

 

4. milk puke party. I already connected you to the gallon challenge, so instead I’m choosing to believe this search term was someone who really, really wanted to know about vomit. Because, really, who doesn’t? Just in case your stomach isn’t strong enough for a discussion about actual puke right now, here’s a link to my diatribe against people who tell me their life is perfect all the time in Skittle Spew.

 

5. rdabbit]. Many might consider this a simple typo. They happen all the time, right? I prefer to believe this search term is a combination of a “frog” and “dag nabbit.” That just makes me happy. When I searched the blog for “rabbit,” I came up with this post, 97 Minutes of Chaos. It’s not really a post about rabbits. BUT… it was written in a fit of exasperation and it made me giggle to re-read. Dag nabbit!

 

6. is my pickled okra go bad. Oh. For the love of English grammar, go read Strunk & White. Please. Now, besides my distress over your search term, I’d like to offer that pickled okra can never be bad. It’s always good. Period. They okra are soaked in vinegar. Nothing that stinks that badly can be bad. And sometimes, the pickled okra is the most perfect pregnancy snack… ever!

 

7. swollen taste buds for no reason. There really is no reason for taste buds to swell. And yet, there we are, with an enlarged taste bud that feels like we’re carrying a hyper-sensitized gobstopper in our mouth! To my knowledge I’ve never turn my complaining mind toward the tastebud on this site, but I will admit to having an attitude the day I woke up with a slug on my eye lid. It was a tragedy.

 

8. the first cheeseburger was made at kaolin’s in louisville kentucky ….. what else can i learn? This searcher is after my own heart – once you’ve gotten the scent of mastering random facts, you’ll never go bad. I’m certain this term turned up my Swing Vote: Kentucky posts. That’s the Swing Vote chunk that had a reader tell me my sarcasm was insulting. Well, duh! “Sarcasm” means “rending of the flesh.” It’s my love language. Sorry Kentucky didn’t like it.

 

9. sneezing dainty. I am not capable of sneezing in a dainty way. I scare people when I sneeze. In fact, Tres screamed out loud a few days ago when my nose blew like the top off of Mount Etna. I felt guilty. But I had fun learning about the customs surrounding sneezing several months ago. Did you see this post?

 

10. how is iguana blood helpful? In my case, iguana blood turned me off of prom night romance, dating as a teenager, and the nasty lizards (in general).  Hard to recover from those strikes, but my brush with iguana blood does make for a great story.

 

What were your favorite posts this month?