Stealing Faith

humor for relationships, family & life

Crafts Do Not Carry STDs. For Real.


“May I introduce you to our new friend?”

 

“This is the Gutter.”

 

“Gutter, these are my StealingFaith.com friends.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry! You already know them? When did you meet?”

 

“Oh, about the time a discussion of craft hatred turned south toward Sexually Transmitted Diseases? What?!”

 

I need someone to explain to me (with small words and large print) how my decision to loathe crafting in general turned up these comments:

 

“(Glitter) is like the herpes of craft supplies. For real.”

 

Followed, smartly with:

 

“Easter grass ranks right up there. It must be the chlamydia!”

 

For the love of God, who are you people?! And what did glitter and Easter grass ever do to you or your extended family members?!

 

(okay, i have to admit, i nearly injured myself laughing when i saw these comments but i’d much rather harass my dear friends. yeah, i’m just that sweet.)

 

For the innocents among you, there is little-to-no-chance of crafting supplies actually being a key player in the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

 

Otherwise I’m absolutely certain the CDC (that’s the Center for Disease Control, not Currently Doing Crack) would have issued a warning by now.

 

Kind of like they did when they told us all to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse. For real.

 

For the love of God, who are those people?!

 

And, by the way, thank you to all who shared rational reasons why crafting works for you. I can totally respect your opinion and even support your crocheted projects and paper mache lampshades. From a distance.

 

But if you get close to me with a glue stick or glitter it’s on.

 

(for your information, I originally spelled “crocheted”, “crotcheted.” which is not the same thing at all but includes the word “crotch” which caught me so off-guard I laughed out my nose, spraying snot everywhere. who’da thunk?)

 

That’s all for tonight. Tomorrow I have tentative, possibly to be changed if the writing whim-wind changes, plans to write about: The One Who Got Away.

 

If you have any thoughts about “missing out” on something or someone, send me a message and let me know. Because I have some Thoughts About Such Things and I’d like to know your Thoughts About Such Things.

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