Skinny Jeans Linked to Goodness Knows What

Danger: Skinny Jeans
Danger: Skinny Jeans

Five years ago the skinny jean concept was fresh. It was slowly moving into the realm of men’s fashion.


My dear, handsome husband and I went shopping for new clothes for him. This seemed to be due, considering he was still wearing carpenter jeans circa 1993. After shopping around for awhile he headed to the fitting room while I wandered through the section and picked out a few more jeans that seemed the right size.


Yes, this was when we had only one lonely, wonderfully behaved child. {Sigh} We shopped with abandon back then. That is no longer the case.


Lizard was kind enough to try on whatever I handed to him. But the snort from the fitting room caught me by surprise.


My husband, who had been doing soccer workouts diligently to increase the size of his thighs to the circumference of that massive tree in Sequoia National Forest a semi truck can drive through, was a vision of skin-tight fabric in a pair of skinny jeans.


I stared in shock – I didn’t even know they made skinny jeans for men! Oh, the innocence of those days!


I’ve never been able to forget the sight. Neither of us was impressed with a pair of jeans so tight he had to hobble back to the fitting room and almost knocked a wall down while he struggled to get the blasted pants off!


Today, a half-decade later, I have proof of what I suspected then: Skinny jeans and men are two distinct breeds that should not be crossed.


Scientists have discovered a link between infertility, fungus, and compromised bladder function due to the flamboyant use of skinny jeans by males.


And next from the “well, duh!” chronicles… how placing your hand on a hot stove causes blisters. The End.

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