To Whom It May Concern:
I respectfully submit a request for consideration of a new extreme sport: car seat wrangling.
At first glance, this may not seem like a good fit for the extreme sport circuit, a poor competitor against base jumping or free running, but ask any parent (or person spending time with children) and you will learn the car seat is more dangerous than it appears.
Trying to maneuver a hard plastic shell the size of a baby elephant into any vehicle is enough to cause your forehead to break a sweat. After all, there is really no comfortable place to grip the seat. If you are trying to put it in the back seat of a Suburban… fuhghedaboodit… there’s a decent chance you’ll be grasping your chest and yelling, “Oh! My ticker!” at some point during the activity.
If, by chance, a competitor is able to physically manhandle the car seat into the specified space it is time to up the ante and add another obstacle: buckling the seat belt.
The buckle, the lynch pin of the entire car seat operation, it is innocent enough. A male part, a female part, a click, and suddenly the car seat is securely fastened; in the event of a head-on collision, random roll over, or unexpected curb check going 12 mph all occupants will be safely tethered to the steel core of the vehicle.
However, try to fasten the seat belt when you can’t see what you’re doing. Utilizing the sense of touch, ONLY, competitors in this extreme sport will fumble their way toward a constantly moving target and redeem their dexterity by holding the buckle firmly with three fingers while manuevering the tip into the tiny slot.
That sheen of sweat on the forehead I mentioned earlier? After this obstacle, it won’t be a sheen. It will be more like a small sprinkler system installed on your furrowed brow.
For the truly challenging final round, put three children, two booster seats and a Britax Marathon car seat together on the back row of a Suburban and time the competitors. Planting special surprises like rotting oranges or pieces of hamburger buns will add to the excitement of the match! For an even greater thrill, put a child in each seat and encourage them to scream nonstop about needing to go to the potty.
Won’t it be lovely?!
Thank you for your consideration of this new event. I expect it will be approved without delay and look forward to competing soon!