Mid-Life Angst

Does anyone know what a mid-life crisis is? Because I think I’m having one of those.

I’m not sure because, well, I haven’t left my husband for a younger model or purchased a cherry-red BMW Z9, but I have experienced Deep Thoughts on the topic of Life Significance.

It’s a sad reckoning I’ve taken of my life. I’ve had to realize the chances of accomplishing some of my childhood dreams are slim to none (not to mention the distinct improbability of completing at least half of my bucket list).

I’m pretty confident I’m never going to be a college president. It’s unlikely I’m going to travel to Antarctica to round out my visitation of all seven continents (I’m still holding out hope for Australia, however). I will never be the President of the United States, nor even a Senator. There’s a decent possibility I will never see my name splashed across the cover of a book selling for $14.99 at Barnes and Noble.

I’m left with the uncomfortable suspicion I have spent my adulthood on things that seemed significant but really aren’t and all I will have to show for it is a certainly that there is a difference between Canada Dry Ginger Ale and the no-name Wal-Mart brand and 23¢ is not worth the taste compromise, and jeggings and wedge heels are fashion items designed to make me wince upon contact.

It’s the important stuff in life I have figured out.

Our household has been full of sickness the past few days, a circumstance that has also spawned short tempers and sassy attitudes from the children bearing my DNA code.

Tonight, as the four-year-old rolled her eyes at me and said, “Yes, ma’am!” in the most disingenuous tone I’ve ever heard come out of her mouth, I thought to myself, “I’ve given up my dreams of worldly success to wipe your behind and  hear you sass me… to answer, “Why? Why? Why?” sixty-million times a week and to remind you forty-three times each day to put your dirty clothes in the hamper. This life I’m living is a great use of a master’s degree and a promising career, huh?!”

Don’t panic or send out the reps from the loony bin, it’s not like I want to take advantage of the (non-existent) return policy on the kids. They make life worth living, really.

I’m just realizing the dreams I had as a wee sprite who saw the world as her oyster had expiration dates I never noticed were present.

So, I think this is a mid-life crisis. But I’m not entirely certain. I do know I need to explore these thoughts and feelings and air them out because they mean a great deal to me and I think if I can get my hands around them I’ll be able to get excited for the next season of my life.

(That’s the one where I battle gray hair, menopause and acne all at the same time because God has a sense of humor like that.)

Have you ever felt things like this? How did you get your hands around it?