In honor of the beginning of a new month and payday, I decided to take the Stella the Suburban to the carwash. While there I recognized that the vacuum cleaners attached to the carwash were free – my favorite price! – and I had a few minutes, so I pulled in and started to vacuum.
The front seats were just fine.
The middle seats were fine.
But then we came to the backseat.
Now, I think it’s necessary to explain a few things.
1. I generally never, ever look at the area around Uno and Dos’ car seats because I know it’s bad ju-ju back there and I’m scared.
2. When we got Stella I had not anticipated the sheer space between the front and back seats. It’s a vehicle the same size of a 15-passenger van. I can’t reach the kids and so I tend to just throw food at them from the front seat. I don’t have good aim.
I’m ashamed to admit that I have caught Dos eating a Taco Bell burrito in her car seat knowing that we haven’t been to Taco Bell in at least three days. She’s the worst. She’ll squirrel the food away and then pull it out eons later for a snack.
Once she asked me if she could eat “puffs,” which are the baby snacks that melt in your mouth. I gave her permission and then a bit later looked back to find she was eating the bun off of Uno’s discarded McDonald’s hamburger that had been sitting in the back seat uneaten for about six days.
I vomited a little in my mouth when it sank in.
Later I decided it wasn’t so bad because someone photographed a Happy Meal hamburger every day for six months and there wasn’t much change. It’s a fascinating story: http://tinyurl.com/29l3pve I guess it validates how Dos could be confused.
Regardless of all of this amazing storytelling, I knew that the picture wasn’t going to be pretty when I headed back to the far back seat with that vacuum hose but I donned my gas mask and haz mat suit and dove in.
Somewhere, underneath the layers of sedimentary foodstuffs, I found the carpeting. And it is now clean.
How do you keep your car clean?
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